Posts tagged poems

A Letter To…Alex (9/29/2005)

I still remember, back in time, walking in the rain
Holding hands so lovingly and never feeling pain
But things started to change, well, I guess it was all me
Growing up inside myself caused my shell to bleed
Yet, what I failed to see was the way that I behaved
There’s no easy way to say it, I acted so insane
Cause somewhere in the pain, I lost track of the time
Before I knew what happened, we were both on different sides
And I was fighting for my pride as the anger filled my mind
One minute I was screaming, the next I fell and cried
And slowly it all died as I acted out my hatred
I couldn’t even fake it that I could sit and take it
So I put our love in danger and watched it as it shattered
I tried to brush it off, but inside my heart was battered
A damn repeating pattern that I forced into your life
Of circumstance and friendship and the darkness that I hide
And, no, it wasn’t right, but you couldn’t see inside
The mess that I became in the basement that I cried
Sleeping through the light to avoid all of my burdens
But, then again at night, I really had no purpose
A chaos and a circus and the voices in my head
I wish I did it differently, never done but said
Laying in my bed, I’d pray for something better
But then I walked away and it rained inside forever
Though now I get together all the pieces that were broken
Looking back forever at all the little tokens
A little star with writing and a book with blackened pages
I can’t explain the feeling and I’m a little scared to face it

If you’d ask me for the reason, I wouldn’t really have one
I’m writing this so nervously, this rhyme is not a sad one
But I think it is a fair one, as I take up all the blame
And be the man I wasn’t when I had the chance to change
Cause now I’m less deranged and a little less insane
There’s a little more stability and heart inside my brain
And I think I’ll be okay, even as we grow more distant
Yet we continue to evade and let fear be so persistant
Though, I wish I were resistant and a little more insistent
On fixing everything, with God there for some assistance
But if we never fix this, please believe me when I say
I loved all that we shared, even through the times of hate

Notes: Finally continuing the series. This one is a little rough around the edges as it’s still hard to gather my thoughts on the subject. I tried. All I can do is try and hope that it makes sense.

Words Never Heard (9/21/2005)

Her beauty’s resounding, my heart’s softly pounding
Confusion and weakness, by which I am drowning
I feel so dumbfounded, my knees start to tremble
I try to act cool but my heart’s disassembled
Just falling to pieces, I give in to weakness
I try to think straight, my mind always freezes
The ache never ceases, she has me so captured
She pulls at my heart, but I’m so far from rapture
I wish I could capture the words that are in me
Explain it to her, the way that she lifts me
Away from the places and traps of the darkness
A smile to give and it’s always regardless
No catch to the clause, no small printed writing
Just warmth that I love and that brings me from hiding
Exposing the person that I enjoy being
One that is caring, not crying and bleeding

But so, here I am, unable to speak them
Words never heard, how would she greet them?
Doubts like a riddle with no easy answer
It’s worth taking risks, but I’d never chance her
And throw away friendship that I’ve come to cherish
A beauty so pure, the image won’t perish
Next to her merits, I realize that I’m nothing
Just a shell of a man that wants to love something

This rhyme makes no sense and I’m tired of writing
My mind is a mess and the voices are fighting
Just waiting and dying and losing to weakness
Each time that I see her, my heart always freezes

Note: It sucks, I know.

Hollow Anguish (9/18/2005)

With this hole in my chest, from this life I digress
Leaving behind my cold silhouette
I’m not that upset, but I feel so damn empty
Hollowed inside and your hope can not tempt me
Or keep me alive with a smile for your taking
A mask to assure you that the lie isn’t breaking
I’m so tired of faking and pretending for others
Holding them up while my own life is smothered
And drained of the color of my past aspirations
Fading to black taking your aggravations
I’m lacking the patience to deal any longer
I’m tired of fighting and not getting stronger
Too backed in the corner to bother with trying
The tears show I’m weak, a blank stare shows I’m dying
The fascade for the hiding is crumbling down
Exposing the pain that was then and is now

Cause all that I’ve found in all of these lessons
Is that I’m alone and so prone to the message
The words of the darkness and hopeless convictions
That I try to convey through these verbal depictions
Are all that I know and the knowledge is hollow
It’s as though every breathe gives me nothing to swallow
And the road that I follow has nothing to show for
But the tales of mistakes that give me nothing to hope for
So I’ll settle my own score and digress from the picture
I’ll fall so far away that I’ll just be a mixture
Of photos and stories and things so forgotten
The face of a soul that the anguish had rotten

Examination of A Pride (9/3/2005)

Just turn the fucking light on and lets get to the start
I’m thinking what I’ll write on, it’ll be from the heart
I’m taking the charge and willingly playing this game
Pouring my soul out to relieve the pressure of pain
And it’s so insane watching as your faces all change
What did he say? Is his mind really that way?
I think you should pray that I don’t get near to a flame
Combustibility is what gives me this range
But do you think this is strange? A quiet kid with a flow
It’s unpredictable but we all know how it goes
As soon as rage grows, I’ll take it right to the page
I’m swinging with my pen as I write through the rage
And bust through the cage, anger cracks through the bars
Every fucking stroke represents all of my scars
It may not get me that far, but this is all for relief
I don’t need a house or a car to help me find inner peace
So, no I won’t cease, I won’t fold up, stop and leave
I don’t care who’s offended cause this is something I’ll keep
A passion I need to climb the hills that are steep
A constant reminder that I will never be beat

I can’t believe I wrote that, but damn it’s so smooth
I don’t mean to be rude, but what could I possibly lose?
Cause here in these shoes there’s not many possessions
Just a heart and a pain and this rhyming obessesion
Dictating my lessons through every poetic session
A journal to the world of my darkest confessions
But it’s no profession cause I don’t even get paid
Just a collection of my thoughts, my rage and my pain
And I’m paving my way through the acidic rain
Using words as a bridge to cross over to change
Cause things ain’t the same, I’ll find absolution
I’ll wash it away and write to get back at confusion
And take back the solution, the perfect mixture of life
Finding peace in my self with a small hint of the strife
Cause I need all that spice to add fuel to this fire
Just one more excuse for me to write with desire
So, call me a liar or pretend this is fake
Pray I’ll expire or fall victim to fate
Please raise up the stakes so that I’ll make more mistakes
Cause I can run every race, it’s no matter the pace
I’ll be out of the gates running with you in the chase
So tie up youe lace so you don’t fall on your face
I don’t think there’s disgrace in writing with passion
But it’s never embraced once it’s over examined

Back Story: I just took a flow and went with it. I touch on quite a few topics: Why I write, People’s reactions to my rhymes, the life behind the words, and the energy it gives me to keep fighting onward. I hope you like it. By the end of this one, I was so into it, that I was sweating and breathing heavily. What a rush.