Posts tagged melanie
Last week, I took my annual week off and spent it all with Melanie. It was an amazing time and a week that really reminded me of a few key things in life.
Saturday, the 9th, we kicked everything off with a trip to Six Flags with one of my sisters and her boyfriend. It was a blast and I couldn’t imagine a better way to start the vacation. I wound up doing every coaster except Rolling Thunder and Batman. Why skip those two? Well, Rolling Thunder’s only goal seems to be to destroy the spinal cord of every single rider and Batman seems to make every Vendemio a sick Vendemio. I guess I was playing it safe since I still had a whole week off to follow. I did summon up the testicular fortitude to ride King Da Ka again, though. While I still question the fun of such a short ride, the insanity of the damn thing made every other coaster seem like a cake walk. Finishing off with Nitro and a ride in the front of El Toro just rounded off the day so perfectly.
The next three days were spent in Seaside Heights. Between the beach, the rides and games, and stalking the stars of Jersey Shore, it was a great time. The run-ins with the Jersey Shore cast were definitely the most noteworthy moments. The first night there, Melanie and I wound up being no more than 5 feet away from Sammi and J-Woww as they fled an arcade and headed back to the house. The next morning, while we all had breakfast, Mike walked in to the place and ordered breakfast and hung out for about 20 minutes. That also brought about the funniest moment of the day. When we ordered our food, Melanie asked for an iced coffee and was told, by the waitress, that they “don’t have any ice”. Ten minutes later, Mike asks for ice for his coffee and gets a whole tub of it. I don’t know what changed in ten minutes, but that was a ridiculously funny and dream shattering moment.
After leaving Seaside and returning to Staten Island for one night, we headed out to Atlantic City as her parents were comp’ed a room by Harrah’s and offered us a free night. Who can turn down such an offer? This was my first ever trip to AC or any casino in general and it was pretty cool. I’m really cautious about my money, so I spent almost all of my time on penny slots, but it was a fun environment, nonetheless, and I learned that it’s a place I could enjoy in the future. The second day there, Melanie and I spent our time at the Atlantic City Outlets which are alternatively named “The Walk”. I spent a little more than I wanted to, but I definitely got a lot for my money. It was nice to get clothes I truly like as PacSun and Ecko Unlimited are, outside of the outlet environment, too expensive for my tastes but very affordable when they’re selling their stuff at outlet prices. I, also, bought Melanie the Coach bag I’ve been promising her since my promotion at work. I’m going to consider it an apology for something stupid I’ll probably do in the future. Apology accepted?
We finished up the week with a trip to the Bronx Zoo, which was cool since I haven’t been there in over ten years. It was a nice, simple day together and a good chance for me to use my new camera. I learned that I really need to work on my focal points as a few too many of my shots had the main subject out of focus. Woops. It’s a learning process, I guess.
All in all, I had an amazing week and it really reminded me of how much joy and happiness life can contain. I have a lot to say on that subject, though, so I think I’ll save it for the next blog post. Yeah, I know, two blog posts (or at least, planned posts) in the same week? Unheard of!
Today, I officially start my new position as Sales Supervisor in my store and I’m super nervous. I’ve been working in the warehouse for 4 years, now, and going back to the sales floor is going to be a major adjustment. On top of that, going back to the sales floor with so much more responsibility on me makes me worry about failing. I obsess about not failing and I’m praying to god that I don’t drive myself crazy.
The one thing that will help me get through this, as is always the case, will be my co-workers. I was able to hand pick my team and that definitely helped build some confidence in my ability to get things rolling. There’s a mix of gamers and overall good workers and, most importantly for my nerves, good friends who I trust to do their best to get us to victory. Having these people around me and knowing that they aren’t clueless drones who will try to get by doing the bare minimum is a very nice feeling and one that lends itself to easing my nerves.
I still worry, though, about how the schedule change will affect my personal life, namely, my relationship. In my previous role, I would work 6am – 2pm shifts, which would give me plenty of time to make it out to Melanie on most days. Now, on the sales floor, most of my shifts will be mid to late shifts, where I won’t get out until 8pm. This is seriously going to put a cramp on the number of days that I can see Melanie and I worry about the strain it’ll put on our relationship. I’m hoping that we’re both patient enough to deal with it.
This is going to be an interesting journey, either way. While I know most people would scoff at working their entire lives in retail, it’s something I’ve become ok with. With a company like mine, if I work hard enough, I can make $80,000 to $100,000, on the store level, without having a college degree. I know I should have stayed in school and what not, but it’s a great opportunity to, at least, be financially secure, regardless. With that said, though, I would still like to have a normal 9 to 5, Monday to Friday job. Maybe I can find one at some point, but it seems as though most of them require some sort of college degrees and, well, we just went over that.
Most people, when receiving a promotion at work, are ecstatic and bask in the feeling of success. I don’t do that. Up until I met up with Melanie, yesterday, I actually exhausted myself thinking through every scenario in which I can fail. Welcome to my mind.
Let me catch everyone up to the present. Last Friday, I interviewed for the new Gaming Supervisor spot at work. This is a position created by the company as they turn their focus to Gamestop and Walmart in an attempt to become the #1 gaming retailer in the U.S. Part of that drive means having leadership and employees dedicated solely to the department and so, when the position was made available, I applied. I love games and I want to move up. It kind of made sense to go for it.
Yesterday, I was told that I would be receiving an offer for the job. Immediately, my emotions were very bitter sweet, with way more bitterness than sweetness. I felt bad for a few co-workers who also went for the spot and would have been just as good of a fit for it. They’re my friends and I, of course, want success for them. It wasn’t pleasant seeing the disappointment in their faces. I know most people will tell me that I have to look out for myself, but it still bothered me. On top of that, I started panicking about all the ways I can screw this up and fail miserably. It’s damn exhausting to think like that and, as today winds down and I’ve spent most of it thinking of the same things, I’m exhausted yet again.
The biggest challenge, though, is going to be heading back to the sales floor. I have become very comfortable in my now former role. I’ve worked only mornings, knew almost every thing there is to know for a person in that position, and got to spend a lot of time with Melanie. Now, as I move back to the sales floor, my schedule will vary wildly and time with Melanie is going to be limited. On top of that, I have never been a supervisor before and I haven’t been on the sales floor in four years. What the hell were these people thinking picking me?! Life is about to get very different.
At the end of the day, honestly speaking, it’s just my fear of change and failure that’s crippling me. Logically, I can see how silly it is to think like this, but that doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts creep in and make me want to run and hide. I hope I can conquer the negativity and, ultimately, succeed at this new job as well as I have in the role I’m leaving. I’m so used to being one of the best, that the thought of falling behind the pack is very scary and not something I want to have to deal with.
I have no where to go now, but I need someone to listen
As I whimper to myself while I sit in this position
Cause her hidden disposition, look a ring is friggin’ missin’
A heart shaped necklace, too, and it burns me like a piston
Cause I’m simply no magician and I’m really way too stubborn
I try to hide a lot of things that simply get unconvered
Like the fact that I feel sorry, but because of all your actions
I can’t spit out the words to repair what’s just been fractured
Yeah, sure, I want to patch it and make it good and better
But you still break up with me after every fight together
One day you say “forever” and the next you say “it’s over”
I want to be much warmer, but you force me to be colder
Cause there’s safety, like I told her, not living in emotion
I wanted to be risky, though, and go with every motion
Sure, the ocean has so many fish to feed a feeding frenzy
But you’re the only one I want when I feeling empty
Do you hear me? Do you get me? Am I speaking clearly?
You’re breaking up with me but I love you very dearly
I wish that you were near me, sitting on this step now
Knowing both our walls have been put away and let down
But we’re both so damn upset now and both too fucking prideful
Though a simple kiss from you would be awesomely delightful
We’re both so fucking spiteful, though, both too fucking stupid
To see this fight is ruthless and really fucking useless
So, until we calm our fuses we just tear apart the walls, now
We burn the fucking roof off and watch it tear and fall down
We don’t even care to call out or look each other’s way
We just find a satisfaction in the soot that leaves us gray
But, as we start to burn away and scorch the air around us
We turn ourselves around and see the love that’s always bound us
Not as though with chains, but the bond that makes us stronger
So, we put aside the difference and we pray forever’s longer
Notes: Been a while, huh? Don’t expect it too often, though.
While it mostly comes from Melanie’s girl friends, I’m still surprised by the number of people who think we are the perfect couple. Don’t get me wrong, I think we’re a great couple, but we fight and disagree and go through the same things many other couples go through. We’re not perfect people and effort is required to keep the relationship going just as with anyone else’s relationship. Yet, we’re perfect.
Then we have my sister and my roommate. In my eyes, THEY were always the perfect couple. I was amazed to hear, when talking to my sister, that they fought just like Melanie and I do. It’s actually eerie to hear how many of the arguments are the same even if the people involved are completely different. The perfect couple, in my eyes, was the same as Melanie and I. Wow.
I started thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone knows a couple that they see as “the perfect couple”. That couple never seems to fight and, probably, appears to be the epitome of love. Behind closed doors, though, I bet they’re just like the rest of us. They fight and disagree and have those moments where they want to throw each other down a flight of stairs. We all have those moments, yet, everyone’s in love.
So, you know what? Melanie and I are the perfect couple. Hell, my sister and my roomie are the perfect couple, too. I think any couple that can go above that crush stage and make each other happy a majority of the time is, in fact, the perfect couple. This isn’t the movies. This isn’t TV. Some fights are stupid, some are nasty, and some are for the sake of fighting, but it never lasts long, cause there’s always that love. I love her. She loves me. Yeah, we’re perfect.
I need to start creating clear distinctions in my life and keep work from spilling into my personal life. To top it off, I need to stop getting stressed out, so easily, at work. It’s all serving to throw off my happiness outside of the big blue box and I’m sick of it.
Even though I mentioned it second, learning to not get stressed out at work should, probably, be my first priority. I go in and get pissed off because the people around me don’t seem to care as much as I do. I talk to managers and supervisors and get no where. I spin my wheels, get aggravated, and let it sit with me the rest of the day. Why should I care if no one else does? If I have to spend every single day cleaning up someone else’s mistakes, then that’s my management’s choice in how they’re spending labor. I get paid, either way.
Regardless of how successful I am with that, I need to make sure any stress I do encounter stays in that building once I punch out. It winds up exhausting me, making me feel old, and interfering with things like my relationship with Melanie. I’m too young to feel this old and I’m done with it. I’m not going to run out and start doing 8 balls, but maybe I’d like to be able to laugh and have a beer and just enjoy a night with my girlfriend, whether we’re going out or sitting home and bumming around. I don’t get paid enough to carry that burden around with me and I won’t do it, anymore.
This is the moment that I’ve dreaded, but I know I have to face it
With humility and patience as we crawl across these pages
With the walls of all these faces that contribute conversation
We can choose to lock them out or make them our congregation
With a little moderation and this truth intoxication
Perhaps your doubts can fall from their stool of domination
I hate their every whisper, but for you I’ll sit and take them
Your words are fucking brutal, but I’m cool to fucking face them
And I’m sorry for the swearing and the times I was complacent
I felt this love was wasted if I didn’t show this patience
But a little too much patience can make everything seem tasteless
And you see me in the greyness with the nothing I’ve been laced with
And you begin to grow to hate this and question its correctness
Maybe nothing can be right if we’re never fucking wreckless
Cause if every other sentence is collected from generics
Then is anything, at all, capable of being cherished?
But if everything should perish, then I need to send this message
A hundred of these letters put together in this lesson
It’s not about obsession or being or possession
It’s all about just knowing when everybody else is guessin’
And I guess that’s just my lesson, the fact that I still know it
That I love you more than ever, even when I fail to show it
My heart is racing rapidly and I don’t know how to slow it
We can race across the finish or sit back as we both grow it
Notes: Just clearing my mind. Wanted it to be longer, but it would have trailed off.
The following conversation is one that took place between Melanie and I as we walked into Perkins for a late breakfast. I saw a table with an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Me: I have to buy a cherry pie.
Me: Because it’s only 3.99!!
There’s no point to this post other than amusing you with my randomness and ability to be swayed by pies and signs that accompany them.
Well, now that the summer is over and I’m going to be home more often, expect to see more posts on this site, again. I really slacked these past few months, but, between work and spending time with Melanie, I simply had to let this place slip down my list of priorities.
Work has been consuming a lot of my energy, lately. With over 50 new hires and a large turnover in management, it’s been a bit hectic adjusting to all the changes taking place. My department, specifically, is starting to get a lot of focus put on it. That’s good in the fact that we’ll be able to get the attention we deserve, but we really need to make sure we’re on the top of our game, now. Luckily, for us, the team is comprised of mostly veterans who are all good workers. It’s nice knowing the people working beside me are reliable. Well, a good number of them are, anyway.
This time of year is also proving to be a big music period, for me, and quite unexpectedly so, at that. Smile Empty Soul and Chevelle have already released their albums, though the latter’s effort isn’t that great. Bands such as Paramore, Breaking Benjamin, Weezer, and Three Days Grace all have new material coming down the pipeline before the year is up. Thank god. The first half of the year was as dull as can be, musically, and I was starting to get really bored by it.
That’s it for me, for now. By the way, any other albums you think I should be aware of?