Posts tagged journal

“What time is it?!”
“Game time, woo!”

And that’s how it started. Because the league changed our team name to the Timberwolves, I couldn’t do my usual pre-game cheer with the basketball team I coach, so I fell back to the old Bull’s classic from the 90′s. New name, new cheer, and a new and improved basketball team.

My time, before the game, was spent really doubting myself and worrying about the season ahead. After the last game, I really thought that I may be coaching too high up in the league and that my style wouldn’t adapt to teenagers. To add to that, Joe’s not there on game day anymore. He was always the strategist while I tried my best to lead. That was gone. I’m everything now and I screwed it up last week, big time. Would it happen again? Is this something I can’t do? Those doubts only got worse when I received word that David wouldn’t be playing because of his bad ankle. Our height, our boards, our speed, and our shooter were suddenly gone. How am I going to work out of this one? Thankfully, I didn’t have to. Apparently, his ankle improved ten fold since yesterday and he was able to play. Ok, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Game time comes and we’re off. The tip off had to be redone after “complications” on the first attempt. Second try, out of bounds on blue, white ball. White?! That’s us! A few minutes in, however, up 8 – 7, David comes up limp and I have to pull him out. I run out to find an icepack only to discover our always prepared league has none. A garbage bag and some ice cubes would do the trick. I grab everything, tie off the bag, run upstairs and I’m greeted by David at the door. “Coach I’m fine. Can I go back in?” What did I do to be so lucky? At this point, there were up 12 – 8, but putting David back in there and regrouping the team caught us right back up.

The game goes by and it’s a back and forth battle, but you can tell we had control of the game. Any coach or player will know what I mean. It was our pace and our mistake to make. I almost made that mistake for us. It was a loose ball and Chris (not me) dove for it, but couldn’t find an open pass to make. I should have called time out, but I missed the chance. Five second violation, blue ball. For the next couple of minutes, every chance I got, I smacked my head and cursed myself out. That was a moment where I knew Joe would have made the call. I was pissed, but too determined. These guys were playing their hearts out and I couldn’t let them down.

As the game drew to a close, we were up by 3 with 40 seconds left and it was time to kill the clock. We did it almost perfectly. At one point, we threw the ball out of bounds and they had a chance to tie it with 7 seconds left, but the guys got back on defense so quickly that the other team didn’t stand a chance. We won, 48 – 45.

This is addictive. Maybe I’m not so bad of a coach, afterall. When I look at the teams, there’s only one team that really worries me and it’s the team we lost to last week, the black Knights. It always seems to be the black Knights, no matter what age division I’m coaching in. In the end, though, I put that worry aside. The team really pulled together in such a short amount of time. It was beautiful. We have a lot of work to do, but it’s okay. We’re a team now and any team can do anything when they try hard enough.

Regina Pacis Timberwolves: 1 – 1

I’ve been mellow lately. Brain drained would describe it, I guess. Stress at work, all the stress with my computer, writer’s block, and general confusion over things with Maria (yes, she’s back) and I’m just worn down. It’s a grind every day through everything I do and it doesn’t seem to be letting up in the near future. Yet, I’m only mellow. Not angry or frustrated or depressed, just mellow.

Work has been just out right retarded. It’s a weekly game of get schedule, get pissed over lack of hours, and then beg for more hours. I really think my manager hates me because he simply won’t put me on. Nevermind the fact that I’m training the new people and I do his job (Thursday, I did all his work while he chilled all day), he just keeps snipping back on my hours. He originally had me set to be off on Black Friday. There are only 3 other people in the whole fucking department who have worked the day before and two of us (Travis and I) are scheduled to be off. The only reason I got hours that day was because someone changed departments and his shift was left in the air. What kind of leadership is this? The harder I’ve worked, the less I get from it. I really am trying, though. I bust my ass day in and day out. Alex, my old manager and possible manager if I ever get that senior position in Merch, even thinks the way I’m getting low balled is unfair to me. I’m just not sure what else to do at this point. I want hours. I want to work. I’ve worked through my personal problems and am finally ready to get out there fully and I’m being held back. Fuck them.

With the stress, though, comes that addiction to competition. You know how in sports movies, they always refer to someone as having “the bug”? That bug, for me, is coaching. I was dreading coaching this year. I had a game today. I found out about it last night and finally got through to my team a half hour before it started. We got creamed. No one had their own jerseys. We hadn’t had a practice yet. Still, through all that, I loved it. The passion and intensity, the competition, the thrill. It’s so damn addictive.

One of the Neowin kiddies tried to start in with me today. I’m so mellow, I didn’t even bother being an asshole. That was probably for the better, lol.

I really don’t know what else to say. I’m a little torn at the moment. Toni is fresh and new and someome who still intrigues me. Maria, on the other hand, is someone I feel a connection with, albeit we’re very different people. I think I’ll try to hang out with her more often and see what happens. If nothing, well, at least I’ll have something to write about.

Man, I haven’t written a journal entry in a couple of days. I’m too tired to write another poem, anyway.

I’m exhausted. The last two days have been complete hell. Yesterday, a rare day to sleep in late, I was awakened to the sound of my computer screeching loudly and repeatedly. I instantly knew it was my harddrive. The head in my main drive would skip once a month or so, but just once and that was it. This time around, it just kept skipping and screeching. I powered down and restarted. Use my defragmenter to stress each individual physical drive separately, I quickly proved my suspicions of the main drive slowly failing. The system is still running (drive locked up on me twice yesterday), but obviously, something needs to be done. I was going to simply buy another drive, but then I realized that I have plans to buy a whole new system in 2 to 3 months. Is it worth shelling out extra cash into a dying machine? No. Honestly, I was still hesistant even after realizing the truth of the situation. My parents, though, offered to help a little. My mom is applying my Christmas gift money to the cost of the system and my dad waived my rent for November and December. I was still a little nervous and anxious about taking that much money out of my bank account. Considering I only make about $7,000 a year, I managed to save up a good $1100 or so over the past 12 months and I’ve been proud of myself for it. My dad told me, though, that we put that money there to use when we need. I guess he’s right. I have to use it eventually.

Any geek reading this probably wants me to shut up and get to the system itself. Well, I’m going to be buying a barebones system to save myself some money. I’m going to get an AMD64 3500+, MSI nforce 4 mobo, another 512mb stick of corsair pc3500 ram (I have one stick already), a Seagate SATA HDD and a 256mb Geforce 6600. It’s not high end, per se, but it will do the job. I’m going to port over my Audigy 2, Asus CD burner, floppy drive, my PSU (AMD and P4 compatible) and maybe my Microsoft ethernet card since I like it so much. It should serve me well.

What does this mean for my Firefox builds? Here’s my slightly incoherent post from Mozillazine:

Now that I’m awake and conscious, I wish to explain things a little better to everyone. This morning, I had my build going as usual and I was intent on enjoying my only day to sleep in. Suddenly, I heard a repeating loud screech coming from my system and I flew out of bed to quickly realize that the head on one of my drives was skipping over and over again. I cancelled the build, but a few seconds later, my system locked up. I restarted and started to do some testing. I used my defragmenter to test each individual physical drive and it became clear my main drive was having issues. The system didn’t lock up, but the head skipped and screeched a lot. It’s only done it once, since, under a light load, but I don’t want to try it anymore. This PC is over 3 years old and is on the way out, anyways. After talking with my parents and getting my dad to waive my monthly rent for two months, I’m going to be buyning a very barebones amd64 3500+ system and bring over any of my higher end parts to it. It’s going to cost me around $650 or so. During this time, my builds are on hold. I can’t risk destroying this system until I get the replacement. After I do get the new PC and get settled in, I’m going to gauge circumstances and see if I wish to resume building. I apologize to everyone for this inconvenience and I know it’s been excuse after excuse, but I really have no other choice.

All of this really killed me at work, today. Besides the fact that I was stuck doing physical labor all day and not selling (again), I was just tired from the day before.

Anthony and I talk a lot more now that he’s in Merch and works mornings. It’s kind of cool to have something like that. Today, we talked a little about a certain someone. Besides the other crap I’ve been writing about on the topic, he made a point. “The only thing you might not like is that she’s very perky and happy and well………you’re not.” He has a point. I’m not that guy anymore. I can joke and such, but I’m a lot more cold and sullen than I used to be. To be honest, though, all the thinking has made me sick to my stomach and I just don’t want to get into it anymore. My poems tell the story. Read them.

My only escape has been the Calvin and Hobbes collection I got for my birthday. It makes me feel better and I just love laughing like that. I almost wish I could go back and have a childhood like that. Thanks Joe. It was perfect, dude. I treasure this collection.

So many random things in my head.

Today, at work, an Army recruiter approached me. I humored him and gave him my info and all and listened while he talked. I guess recruiting has become a lot like selling TV’s because I could very easily pick up on the little nuances in what he was saying to me. It actually soured me to the army and my government even more so than I already was. Just be straight forward and honest, you know? I obviously have a head on my shoulders and he saw me selling so he knows I’m good at being a salesman, so why try to pull a fast one on me? No, I don’t want to join the Army and fight a war I don’t fully agree with and you can try to lie all you want, it won’t change my mind. Using the new term I’ve learned, I’m not a jarhead.

We have a lot of new people at work. I know two of their names and that’s it, lol. One of them is a very good looking girl who seems to be pretty smart and quick with words, but does she know anything about home theater? Time will tell. A few of the guys seem to be interested in it and have been picking my mind for the past couple of days. It’s good to see, but also very tiring. I spend all day pouring information onto their plates and it just burns my brain out eventually. Does no one know how to read anymore?

Yesterday I made the mistake of hanging out with someone on a day where I was in one of my moods. I don’t expect a phone call anytime soon after how pissy I was. Live and learn.

On the topic of my attitude and mood and all, I’ve been working my ass off at being nicer at work and it seems to be working in my favor. I’m more friendly with employees around the store (that may simply be because I help them win at volleyball at the morning meetings lol) and customers are actually walking around with a copy of my work schedule so they can come back on days I’m scheduled to be in. It’s kind of cool. People like me when I’m not an asshole, but god it’s so easy to be an asshole (it’s my nature).

I’m not sure what else to say. Oh, I know! To quote the holiest woman I know, Rosa (Joe’s mom), “He’s such a fuck!” LMAO!