Randomness from an overactive mind
Posts tagged journal
What’s the next goal?
32 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
I’ve been feeling a bit unmotivated, lately, and I haven’t been able to figure out why. I spent a lot of time pondering it today and I finally figured it out: I have no short term goals.
Leading up to the middle of July, my entire goal was to move up at work and get to the position I’m in right now. I spent a lot of time and energy doing whatever I could to earn what I wanted and it really kept me driving forward. Now that I’ve achieved that goal, I’m finding it hard to stay driven because I lack anything to work towards. The same goes for my personal life. Now that my life is going so well, I have nothing to work towards. Without goals, I’ve fallen back and have resorted to coasting through many aspects of my life. I do my work and try to succeed, but the drive isn’t there and doesn’t re-appear at home.
I really need to figure out what I want next. I need that carrot dangling in front of me, constantly forcing me to move forward as I try to get it. You have any carrots and/or goals you want to throw my way? This unmotivated horse could use some right about now.
Fear and aging in NYC
42 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
This is a sensitive subject, but I decided that putting it out there may help me cope a little better.
Recently, I realized my hair is thinning on the crown (back, top) and it’s really starting to stress me out. To be honest, I’ve already reacted and started using Rogaine, with the intent of stopping the thinning, if not growing back some of the lost hair. The only problem here is that you have to continue using the stuff, otherwise any newly grown hair will be lost within a few weeks. This means that I’m probably going to be stuck using the stuff for the rest of my life. I’m only 25. That’s, presumably, a lot of life left ahead.
It’s scary facing an issue like this for two reasons. Beyond the obviously vain reasons that serve as the first half of this equation, just the notion of accepting that I’m no longer 18 and invincible to the world is scary. It’s such a weird thing to look at, especially when I don’t have a set career path or any real idea where I want to go in life. Hair loss? Teeth problems? This is heavy stuff that I’m not sure I’m ready for.
How does everyone else handle growing up and getting old? Does everyone get freaked out by this stuff or am I simply over thinking things?
More time brings more posts
22 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
Well, now that the summer is over and I’m going to be home more often, expect to see more posts on this site, again. I really slacked these past few months, but, between work and spending time with Melanie, I simply had to let this place slip down my list of priorities.
Work has been consuming a lot of my energy, lately. With over 50 new hires and a large turnover in management, it’s been a bit hectic adjusting to all the changes taking place. My department, specifically, is starting to get a lot of focus put on it. That’s good in the fact that we’ll be able to get the attention we deserve, but we really need to make sure we’re on the top of our game, now. Luckily, for us, the team is comprised of mostly veterans who are all good workers. It’s nice knowing the people working beside me are reliable. Well, a good number of them are, anyway.
This time of year is also proving to be a big music period, for me, and quite unexpectedly so, at that. Smile Empty Soul and Chevelle have already released their albums, though the latter’s effort isn’t that great. Bands such as Paramore, Breaking Benjamin, Weezer, and Three Days Grace all have new material coming down the pipeline before the year is up. Thank god. The first half of the year was as dull as can be, musically, and I was starting to get really bored by it.
That’s it for me, for now. By the way, any other albums you think I should be aware of?
Keyboards and bicycles
22 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve posted. I apologize. I’ve been extremely pre-occupied with work and trying to find time with Melanie. I have a story for you, though.
Saturday night, after a day in the city with Joe, I came home to find my wireless keyboard not working. It seemed as though my wireless receiver was not getting power. Unfortunately, my computer wouldn’t boot up unless it could find a keyboard (I forgot to disable the setting that halts boot up on a keyboard error). Multiple attempts at getting the keyboard working failed miserably and I was getting frustrated. By some chance, I happened to plug the USB receiver into my iPod’s charger and it lit up and synced with my keyboard. This was obviously not a path to go down, but I did nonetheless. Now convinced that it was a power issue, I asked my mom to drive me over to Best Buy (I don’t drive and it was too late for a train ride). I bought a powered USB hub, brought it home, and cursed myself out when it didn’t work. I gave up for the night and resigned to buying a new keyboard/mouse combo in the morning.
Sunday, after work, I picked up with Microsoft Wireless Desktop 3000. With a little time to spare before having to run out to Staten Island to meet Melanie after she got out of work, I decided to hook it up. Nothing. Same exact results as with my old keyboard. I grabbed my roommate’s wired USB keyboard and the same thing happened. Then, it finally hit me. For some reason, my motherboard was looking for a PS/2 keyboard (this happened once before) and, of course, we threw out the one we had in the apartment.
My mind was racing when I remember that my dad’s computer is pretty old and/or I may have left a spare keyboard there. With no time to waste, I grabbed my other roommate’s bike (without asking) and raced to my parents. After realizing I didn’t leave a spare behind, I told my dad I was taking his keyboard for 20 minutes. I grabbed it, threw it in my backpack and raced back to the apartment in the increasingly hot 94 degree weather. I get inside my room, plug the PS/2 keyboard in and voila! My system booted, I disabled the option to halt boot on a keyboard error and plugged in the new Microsoft set. Out of curiosity, though, I tried my old keyboard and it freaking worked. It was a quick decision, though, when I realized that having to wet the contacts on my aging wireless mouse to get it to charge wasn’t exactly safe and that the old keyboard hasn’t been problem free in the past few months, anyway.
Relieved to have a working keyboard, I made one last quick dash back to my parents’ house to return the PS/2 keyboard and then raced home, showered and headed out to Staten Island. What a day that was.
Jobs for everyone
42 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
This has been a good week for Melanie and I. Financially, things are about to get a little easier for us and that’s always a blessing.
For starters, Melanie found a job at an Uncle Louie G’s that opened right near her house. The pay is only decent, but she gets tips which, so far, are pretty damn good. As the weather gets warmer and volume picks up, she should be able to get a nice amount of money together for the car she so badly wants to get.
In other news, I finally got the full time Merch position at work. Besides the extra hours, I also got a raise and will be able to get benefits such as health insurance and holiday/vacation/sick pay. Now, I’m not going to be doubling my income or anything, but I will have a bit more padding that will allow me to stress my bills a little less than I have been for the past year, or so. All of this is way over due, but I’m thankful I stuck to my guns.
Favorite video from vacation
22 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
Ok, so I didn’t take many videos while on vacation since I only had a standard digital camera and the video mode isn’t the best when it comes to recording quality. Between Melanie and I, we took about six 30 second long videos and most of them are forgettable, but this one video just makes me smile. Nothing special about it, to be honest, but I feel like sharing it, anyway.
For anyone wondering, this was filmed while hiking on the red trail in Bushkill Falls.
An amazing vacation
02 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
Well, I’m back from the Poconos and, let me tell you, I had one of the best times of my life.
We did so much while on vacation that it would be difficult to cover it all, but I have to mention a few of the highlights, at least. The first thing we did, as a group, was go river rafting. Now, as you could imagine, not being a swimmer, I was a little nervous about the whole drowning thing. My fears were calmed, though, after getting comfortable on the raft and I had a pretty good time rowing down the river for the 3 mile stretch. It took me a while to get the hang of rowing, but once I did, I was fine.
On the topic of water activities, we also went to a water park later on in the week. Camel Beach is a pretty nice park with the exception of the ice cold lazy river and the Triple Venom slides that left welts all over my back. Even though I’m not a swimmer, there was only one ride I couldn’t really go on, so I had to sit by as Melanie did it. I felt a little excluded, but we did the tube version of that ride immediately after, so it helped pick up my pride a bit. I had a good time, in the park, but the grey skies led to a chilly time that definitely put a damper on the day.
The last major activity was on Friday when we took a hike through the Bushkill Falls trails. There was some breath taking scenery and some fun hiking when we accidentally went off the trail and I had to balance across a fallen log and jump across small streams. The scenery was also gorgeous and I got some great pictures. I can’t wait to see if I can make any decent wallpapers out of them.
We did so much more on the trip that I’m not going to bother going in depth about. There was mini golf and pool time and a jacuzzi among other things and all of it was amazingly fun. I have to thank Melanie and her family for inviting me. It was exactly what I needed and I will never forget it.
If you want to see some of the fun we had, you can check out my Facebook album, Poconos 2009, which contains over 50 pictures from the vacation.
Want to be like my grandma
02 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
This past Saturday, Melanie and I went to my grandmother’s house to paint her kitchen and bathroom. She has a small apartment, so, while it may have been rough simply because painting always is, it wasn’t as bad as could possibly be. There’s really no story there. The real story lies with my grandmother.
My grandma isn’t exactly young. To be precise, she’s 84 years old. Somehow, though, in all defiance of age, she’s more active than many people I know, including a lot of people my age. Before Melanie and I even got there, she had already painted parts of the kitchen which included climbing up on a step ladder and all. When she told me this, I was a bit concerned, but she wasn’t. She refuses to let age stop her. I want to be like my grandma as I get older. I want to be able to hold on to that youthful energy and zeal for life. I only hope I can be so fortunate.
Miss those days of play
12 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately and I really miss those days of playing outside for hours on end with Joe. Life was so much easier back then and, yet, so much more exciting.
We tended to focus on three different sports: basketball, baseball, and frisbee. Basketball was the most competitive. Heading to the park to play 4 or 5 or sometimes even 7 games. More often than not, Joe won because I was simply over powered, but it was a damn exciting time getting out the competitive bug.
Baseball was our most relaxed sport. We mostly just had a catch every so often and then, once baseball season started, we’d play every day until our elbows hurt from over extending ourselves. Boys being boys.
Frisbee was an odd obsession that became crazy because of our spin on it. We were slightly obsessed for that one year. Every single day we’d be out there trying to break our own record of consecutive catches. It started with 17 and wound up at 420 on April 20th. No joking. It was fun to watch, too, as a few neighbors would spend some of their time just sitting there and watching us fling this plastic disc back and forth as we ran into and over cars trying to catch it.
I miss those days. I want to go outside and chase a frisbee because I want to prove to myself that I’m better than I was yesterday.
Week of the work I love
02 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
It’s been an interesting week. Because of continued problems with vital computer records, at work, I haven’t been able to do my usual work. Instead, I’ve been helping out merch, the department I left only a few months ago and the department I love being in. Working beside my buddy, I dealt with hooking up TV’s, displaying quite a few new washers and dryers, and the usually organization of tons of box stock. It was back breaking labor, at times, but also so much more enjoyable than the paper work nonsense I usually deal with these days.
It didn’t take long for me to realize how much I miss the work. The position I have now guarantees me off most weekends, but that benefit doesn’t outweigh the simply fact that I love the work merch has to do. It’s always different and, often times, forces me to solve puzzles involving wiring or changes to the store layout and such. It allows me to be creative. I miss that so much.
I’ve already told the GM that, if a full time spot in merch opens up, that he should consider me. He’s been very impressed with the work I’ve done this week, so I’m hoping he keeps that in mind. I need to get back to merch, eventually. There’s just so much more job satisfaction to be found in that department.