Posts tagged journal
I actually like my job
Dec 23rd
I bitch and moan and get really stressed out way too often, yet I like the job that I have. There’s just something about it and the immediate satisfaction that I get from wiring up a display that is so hard to find in many other paths in life. Even during the holidays, when I don’t get to do the technical stuff, I enjoy the basic aspects of my job and, shockingly enough, even helping the random customer or two so they don’t go crazy trying to make their kids happy.
Next year is going to be an interesting year, for sure. My first full year of being full time and the first time I’ll be working with this new management during non-holiday times. I have high hopes because they seem to want my department to be exactly what it used to be instead of the useless shell that it is now. It’ll mean a lot of stress and work, but the satisfaction will be there more so than it has been in a long time. Now if only I can convince my management that it’s not a crime to be friends with the people I work with. That might take a while.
So many gifts are up to me
Dec 22nd
Electronics are becoming the main type of gift to give someone for Christmas. It makes sense as some of the most wanted items out there are the latest gadgets ranging from GPS units to digital cameras and netbooks to televisions. Each one of us probably craves a gadget or gizmo or two. Unfortunately, not everyone is as interested in them the rest of the year.
It happens more and more, for me. As this time of year rolls around, everyone starts asking me to help them sort through a long list of models to help pick out that right gadget for someone else to receive. Phones, cameras, GPS devices, televisions and so on and so forth are all decided upon by me. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping people find what’s right for the person receiving the gift, but I always feel a certain amount of pressure knowing that my decision can really affect how that person’s Christmas is remembered. Was that camera too complicated or missing features? Is that TV not what they were expecting? Are they going to like that phone’s interface? It’s all up to me and it can be stressful.
Thankfully, the season is almost over. I don’t mind helping, really, I don’t. I just wish it all didn’t feel so crucial.
Why I love video games
Dec 16th
A lot of people like video games just as much as I do, but sometimes I feel like we all get a bad rap for it. I can’t speak for anyone else, but the biggest thing for me is the competitive spirit behind games, especially with online play being in the picture.
When I was younger (mid to late teens), I would play all kinds of sports all day long with Joe. I have no idea where I found the energy, but I had it and I used it to get out all of that wonderful alpha-male nonsense that teenagers go through. It wasn’t all because of my age, though. I like the feeling of winning and the work required to get there. I don’t like rubbing it in the loser’s face like some people, but that feeling of accomplishment is something I treasure. Growing up got in the way of that.
Now that all of us are older and don’t have much time to go out and play sports all day long, I often find my desire for competition unfulfilled. Video games help quench that thirst, though. Granted, I’d still rather be on the field or at the park, but it’s a great secondary means of satisfying a need that I feel I may always have with me. I love games for that.
I do wonder why other people like video games so much, though. Is it the competition? Is it the social aspect?
The old man sleep schedule
Dec 14th
It’s almost 8:30pm and I’m going to bed in a half hour. No, I’m not 80 years old.
It bothers me every year since I’ve been in merch (my department at work). During the Christmas season, I have to be at work by 5am with some days requiring me to be in even earlier, with the earliest of days starting at 3am. On a day that starts at 5am, I have to be awake by 3:45am. When I was younger and working far fewer hours, I would simply ignore the need for sleep and go with less. This doesn’t work as a full timer, though.
The past month and a half has been rough because of these early days. In order to get enough sleep and make it through the next day, I have to be in bed by 9am. On some days, I’m in bed even earlier. This schedule makes for a paltry social life. On the weekends, the little time I have with Melanie is cut down even shorter as I try to get home on time to get some sleep. During the week, television shows I want to watch are, often times, simply ignored. The days, themselves, can all start to blur together once the stress from work is mixed in to this annoying schedule.
This is why I’ve been a tad miserable at times. I hate the Christmas season because, since I’ve been 15, it’s always meant more work and more stress. While you’re thinking about Christmas day, I’m hoping and praying I’m not working the next day. I know this is the life I chose, but it’s not always peaches and cream. All of this can really age a guy.
I’m not physically dead
Nov 19th
I know I haven’t been posting much. Considering some people are wondering if I (and the site) am alive, I thought it would be a good idea to check in fast. Of course this means getting off my lazy ass and typing out thoughts, but I do this work for you.
Work has been really tough. It’s the holidays and I work in retail, so it’s one of those things you just expect. If I was surprised by it, one would have to question where I’ve been for the past 6 years. This is one of those years, though, where the store’s morale is terribly low and it’s really draining on a person over time. On top of that, I’m being tasked with a lot of responsibility that shouldn’t be mine, but I have to accept it to gain the experience so I can move up in the future. It would be a lot easier if other people cooperated, but when you work in retail with 150 other people, you’re bound to come across some of the dimmer bulbs in the box. Unfortunately, these people account for a lot of my stress as I continually have to cover up their mistakes or explain things that should be common knowledge. It can be outright maddening.
Even with that stress and a lack of motivation to write, I’m going to try to post something, at least, once a week. That way we can all enjoy some of the insanity that occurs in my mind.
What’s the next goal?
Oct 6th
I’ve been feeling a bit unmotivated, lately, and I haven’t been able to figure out why. I spent a lot of time pondering it today and I finally figured it out: I have no short term goals.
Leading up to the middle of July, my entire goal was to move up at work and get to the position I’m in right now. I spent a lot of time and energy doing whatever I could to earn what I wanted and it really kept me driving forward. Now that I’ve achieved that goal, I’m finding it hard to stay driven because I lack anything to work towards. The same goes for my personal life. Now that my life is going so well, I have nothing to work towards. Without goals, I’ve fallen back and have resorted to coasting through many aspects of my life. I do my work and try to succeed, but the drive isn’t there and doesn’t re-appear at home.
I really need to figure out what I want next. I need that carrot dangling in front of me, constantly forcing me to move forward as I try to get it. You have any carrots and/or goals you want to throw my way? This unmotivated horse could use some right about now.
Fear and aging in NYC
Sep 19th
This is a sensitive subject, but I decided that putting it out there may help me cope a little better.
Recently, I realized my hair is thinning on the crown (back, top) and it’s really starting to stress me out. To be honest, I’ve already reacted and started using Rogaine, with the intent of stopping the thinning, if not growing back some of the lost hair. The only problem here is that you have to continue using the stuff, otherwise any newly grown hair will be lost within a few weeks. This means that I’m probably going to be stuck using the stuff for the rest of my life. I’m only 25. That’s, presumably, a lot of life left ahead.
It’s scary facing an issue like this for two reasons. Beyond the obviously vain reasons that serve as the first half of this equation, just the notion of accepting that I’m no longer 18 and invincible to the world is scary. It’s such a weird thing to look at, especially when I don’t have a set career path or any real idea where I want to go in life. Hair loss? Teeth problems? This is heavy stuff that I’m not sure I’m ready for.
How does everyone else handle growing up and getting old? Does everyone get freaked out by this stuff or am I simply over thinking things?
More time brings more posts
Sep 15th
Well, now that the summer is over and I’m going to be home more often, expect to see more posts on this site, again. I really slacked these past few months, but, between work and spending time with Melanie, I simply had to let this place slip down my list of priorities.
Work has been consuming a lot of my energy, lately. With over 50 new hires and a large turnover in management, it’s been a bit hectic adjusting to all the changes taking place. My department, specifically, is starting to get a lot of focus put on it. That’s good in the fact that we’ll be able to get the attention we deserve, but we really need to make sure we’re on the top of our game, now. Luckily, for us, the team is comprised of mostly veterans who are all good workers. It’s nice knowing the people working beside me are reliable. Well, a good number of them are, anyway.
This time of year is also proving to be a big music period, for me, and quite unexpectedly so, at that. Smile Empty Soul and Chevelle have already released their albums, though the latter’s effort isn’t that great. Bands such as Paramore, Breaking Benjamin, Weezer, and Three Days Grace all have new material coming down the pipeline before the year is up. Thank god. The first half of the year was as dull as can be, musically, and I was starting to get really bored by it.
That’s it for me, for now. By the way, any other albums you think I should be aware of?
Keyboards and bicycles
Aug 17th
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve posted. I apologize. I’ve been extremely pre-occupied with work and trying to find time with Melanie. I have a story for you, though.
Saturday night, after a day in the city with Joe, I came home to find my wireless keyboard not working. It seemed as though my wireless receiver was not getting power. Unfortunately, my computer wouldn’t boot up unless it could find a keyboard (I forgot to disable the setting that halts boot up on a keyboard error). Multiple attempts at getting the keyboard working failed miserably and I was getting frustrated. By some chance, I happened to plug the USB receiver into my iPod’s charger and it lit up and synced with my keyboard. This was obviously not a path to go down, but I did nonetheless. Now convinced that it was a power issue, I asked my mom to drive me over to Best Buy (I don’t drive and it was too late for a train ride). I bought a powered USB hub, brought it home, and cursed myself out when it didn’t work. I gave up for the night and resigned to buying a new keyboard/mouse combo in the morning.
Sunday, after work, I picked up with Microsoft Wireless Desktop 3000. With a little time to spare before having to run out to Staten Island to meet Melanie after she got out of work, I decided to hook it up. Nothing. Same exact results as with my old keyboard. I grabbed my roommate’s wired USB keyboard and the same thing happened. Then, it finally hit me. For some reason, my motherboard was looking for a PS/2 keyboard (this happened once before) and, of course, we threw out the one we had in the apartment.
My mind was racing when I remember that my dad’s computer is pretty old and/or I may have left a spare keyboard there. With no time to waste, I grabbed my other roommate’s bike (without asking) and raced to my parents. After realizing I didn’t leave a spare behind, I told my dad I was taking his keyboard for 20 minutes. I grabbed it, threw it in my backpack and raced back to the apartment in the increasingly hot 94 degree weather. I get inside my room, plug the PS/2 keyboard in and voila! My system booted, I disabled the option to halt boot on a keyboard error and plugged in the new Microsoft set. Out of curiosity, though, I tried my old keyboard and it freaking worked. It was a quick decision, though, when I realized that having to wet the contacts on my aging wireless mouse to get it to charge wasn’t exactly safe and that the old keyboard hasn’t been problem free in the past few months, anyway.
Relieved to have a working keyboard, I made one last quick dash back to my parents’ house to return the PS/2 keyboard and then raced home, showered and headed out to Staten Island. What a day that was.
Jobs for everyone
Jul 18th
This has been a good week for Melanie and I. Financially, things are about to get a little easier for us and that’s always a blessing.
For starters, Melanie found a job at an Uncle Louie G’s that opened right near her house. The pay is only decent, but she gets tips which, so far, are pretty damn good. As the weather gets warmer and volume picks up, she should be able to get a nice amount of money together for the car she so badly wants to get.
In other news, I finally got the full time Merch position at work. Besides the extra hours, I also got a raise and will be able to get benefits such as health insurance and holiday/vacation/sick pay. Now, I’m not going to be doubling my income or anything, but I will have a bit more padding that will allow me to stress my bills a little less than I have been for the past year, or so. All of this is way over due, but I’m thankful I stuck to my guns.
