Posts tagged funny

Byproduct Dreams


Have you ever touched your mind with a psychotic product
Simple needle to the brain right behind your fucking eye socket
Beg the doc to end it but he answers you with “why stop it?”
If crazy is contagious then I think he’s claiming I got it
So, it’s best if I just drop it and put the paper in my pocket
Take it to the pharmacist so he can help me shop it
But that prick is so annoying and man he’s so obnoxious
He seems to be guy who would shove me in the lockers
Or pull me by my boxers and drag me to the doctors
Tell them that I started it and prescribe a few concoctions
This candy that I’m swallowing has me seeing goblins
I don’t think it can help me cause it’s only making problems
But this is how I’ll solve them, taking crazy to the paper
Every line is like a pill and I’m addicted to the flavor
One day it’s my own demons and the next it’s all the haters
I don’t think that I’m crazy, but I do think you’re all traitors
So, I’ll sit here with my foil hat folded into layers
I’ll act just like the president and you’re just fucking mayors
Inside this little silly world, I’ve made us all the players
If the picture starts to fade, I’ll take one or two pills later
Cause the dream is what I savor as another Z pill taker
Nine years into history and I still can’t fill the crater
If you ever want to do it, just do me one damn favor?
Just take your fucking brain to a mother fucking grater

Tase Me


Do you mind if I sit a little and just dish a little?
I know that sometimes I get pissed a little
There are days I run and just miss the dribble
But then I heat up and just swish a little
While I twist a skittle for what’s in it’s middle
I don’t make much sense when I flick the fiddle
I think I need Kirk to come kick this tribble
And then while he’s here he can fix this riddle
And while thumbs go twiddle, I lean more crazy
It’s crazier, but you can’t come save me
Cause you need the key and, well, love or hate me
I ate that shit cause the words read “safety”
So, come and take me, crumple and break me
You can hold me close until you suffocate me
When you come to taste me, please won’t you tase me?
You can jolt me sane so I don’t go crazy
But the bolts won’t phase me, tickle or wake me
I’m just not myself, have you noticed this lately?
That when you go to make me a little more mainstream
When you tie the rope and when you try to train me
That I fly more plainly and paint a painting
I just say that shit because you’re complaining
Cause when your hope is fading, draining, and waning
I kiss a socket with the crazy remaining

Notes: Not meant to make much sense. More about the rhyming, though there’s a small meaning, nonetheless.

Conan O’Brien works at Best Buy


As an employee of the big blue box, it’s kind of cool to watch this. Conan decided to work at a Best Buy in California, for a day, and hilarity ensues.

Sometimes you need pie


The following conversation is one that took place between Melanie and I as we walked into Perkins for a late breakfast. I saw a table with an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Me: Babe!
Melanie: What?
Me: I have to buy a cherry pie.
Melanie: Why?!
Me: Because it’s only 3.99!!

There’s no point to this post other than amusing you with my randomness and ability to be swayed by pies and signs that accompany them.

Birds and Boxing


Bang is back into the role of the crazy alter ego
It may be hard to read, though, in all the places we go
Up flying with the seagulls then gloved up in the ring
These brain waves start to wander and this is what they bring
You can’t sing or do a thing except let them permeate you
These words can chew you up then they’ll regurgitate you
You may ask if my words hate you or if I’m schizophrenic
I just put it in a sentence and pray these kids will get it
Cause once I’ve said it, it’s been ended and nobody can erase it
Ignore it, love it, hate it there no hope that I’ll replace it
Maybe I’m not famous and perhaps no one can hear me
Or am I convoluted? Am I speaking to you clearly?
Or should I fix the mic and then make the paper brighter?
I can change the web address and I can turn the volume higher
I could aspire to be great, but I kind of like insanity
Just like my favorite sins of lust, gluttony, and vanity
Cause my anatomy and mind set both came from the same bucket
Somebody ripped the label off and scribbled on it “fuck it”
So, this what I’m stuck with and this is what you’re getting
A little bit of nothing disguised in what I’m sending
Patent pending and a copyright and everything official
Sometimes it’s complicated but today was very simple
Twist these dimples to a smirk and heed imagination
Myself and only me in this dream collaboration

Notes: Just me being bored and writing something silly.

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