Xpression.v2 » angry

Byproduct Dreams

bangbang023 — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 16:32:23 +0000

Have you ever touched your mind with a psychotic product
Simple needle to the brain right behind your fucking eye socket
Beg the doc to end it but he answers you with “why stop it?”
If crazy is contagious then I think he’s claiming I got it
So, it’s best if I just drop it and put the paper in my pocket
Take it to the pharmacist so he can help me shop it
But that prick is so annoying and man he’s so obnoxious
He seems to be guy who would shove me in the lockers
Or pull me by my boxers and drag me to the doctors
Tell them that I started it and prescribe a few concoctions
This candy that I’m swallowing has me seeing goblins
I don’t think it can help me cause it’s only making problems
But this is how I’ll solve them, taking crazy to the paper
Every line is like a pill and I’m addicted to the flavor
One day it’s my own demons and the next it’s all the haters
I don’t think that I’m crazy, but I do think you’re all traitors
So, I’ll sit here with my foil hat folded into layers
I’ll act just like the president and you’re just fucking mayors
Inside this little silly world, I’ve made us all the players
If the picture starts to fade, I’ll take one or two pills later
Cause the dream is what I savor as another Z pill taker
Nine years into history and I still can’t fill the crater
If you ever want to do it, just do me one damn favor?
Just take your fucking brain to a mother fucking grater

A Dream Away

bangbang023 — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 03:05:44 +0000

There’s not a day that passes that I don’t sit and imagine
If this skill would just develop, all the things that would just happen
How this fucking cage I’m in and the hole that I feel trapped in
Would fall to shreds and vanish and leave me in it’s ashes
So I could rise up like a phoenix and look down at all you bastards
With the fury of thousand words, I’ll leave you feeling plastered
Cause the skill that I just mastered dimmed the lights on Mr. Passive
And I’m the one who stood tall preaching bullshit to the masses
I’m just sick of all your “classes” and the beat downs and darkness
These fucking words I hold so dear can leave me feeling heartless
Like a bomb in your apartment, I will blow the fucking roof off
And then lower my own tone to the point I think it’s too soft
I will knock their fucking shoes off with my grasp on my emotions
To me it’s just a silly rhyme, but to them it’s all just poems
And people all around the world, though I’ll never know them
Will tell me that they love me and my words help to console them
And then I’ll go and show them the whole lighter side of living
The fun in being stupid and the joy in the sometimes sinning
The way to make a joke even if the time’s not fitting
Cause if we can not laugh, then I’m simply fucking quitting
But right now I’m just here sitting and praying they don’t find
Hiding from the assholes who love to fucking grind me
The way they bark their orders, the way they love to try me
One day is just a dream away and then I’ll redefine me

Notes: Crude and rough, but figured I might as well post it anyway.

Scribbling and Rhyming

bangbang023 — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 21:23:11 +0000

This is for the people who keep telling me to do this
And for every mother fucker who has ever said it’s stupid
These words are for the assholes who begged for their attention
Who picked apart every word and questioned their intention
Cause suspension of this talent was done without disgression
I silenced my whole message in an act of self protection
That prevention of the anger only served to raise aggression
And now I’m boiling over and it’s aimed in your direction
This confession is supported by years of condescension
Every single letter is my means of shedding tension
This skill was my obsession and a major fucking passion
But the friction that it caused took away a lot of traction
As I spun in the reactions and the anger and the hatred
Of the people who stood closest, those anything by faceless
I wasted so much thought on giving you those pages
You crushed me with demands, you were bold and fucking shameless
But the phases that I’m facing, the humility and patience
A brand new way of life that I’m putting through it’s paces
Brings me to these pages and makes me think of writing
Just a little inspiration goes a long way to igniting
Cause now I’m sighing, fighting, flying, scribbling and rhyming
Typing every letter like there’s treasure for the finding
I’m mining through my mind again, I’m sick of all the hiding
Nobody I should aim to please, just my subject and my timing

Notes: I’m putting a new focus on trying to get back to writing as well as I used to. This is simply an explanation of why I stopped. It’s not that great, but I hope it’s a positive step in the right direction.

No Water Colors

bangbang023 — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 01:57:06 +0000

I think I hit my head and it’s making me go crazy
It makes me want to say things and whine just like a baby
I don’t think the world can save me, though, only fucking break me
Cause everytime we interact it’s like you want to train me
To be a different person and re-arrange the facing
To split a strand of D.N.A. and get to re-creating
It’s like nobody’s happy with the image I’m displaying
They’re always fucking bitching and then they start complaining
And I’m losing in refraining, my nerves are left here straining
I’m looking for some patience, but patience has been waning
The picture that you’re painting is not what’s in the making
So, fucking stop debating because every word is staining me
Now, everything is gray to me all from the words you say to me
You detail every failure; I’d rather it be vague to me
Because it seems insane to me to be the one you crave in me
A dozen different people with an image that they say to be
And every one is painting me to be something I’d hate to be
I’m starting to get lost and still none of you are saving me
Cause even when it’s plain to see that all the stress is breaking me
You keep picking up the pieces and patch me up, they’re taped to me
But the glue is waivering and those pieces get to falling
I’m delaying conversations because I feel much safer stalling
Looking for a calling that could be the lotto drawing
Deliver me a freedom that I can’t get while I’m crawling
So, I’m scrawling these words down until I get those numbers
‘Til I shove them in your face and make you see the wonders
This isn’t water color and I can’t be hidden easily
So, let me be myself and then I’ll find my “need to be”

Fuses

bangbang023 — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 19:18:03 +0000

I have no where to go now, but I need someone to listen
As I whimper to myself while I sit in this position
Cause her hidden disposition, look a ring is friggin’ missin’
A heart shaped necklace, too, and it burns me like a piston
Cause I’m simply no magician and I’m really way too stubborn
I try to hide a lot of things that simply get unconvered
Like the fact that I feel sorry, but because of all your actions
I can’t spit out the words to repair what’s just been fractured
Yeah, sure, I want to patch it and make it good and better
But you still break up with me after every fight together
One day you say “forever” and the next you say “it’s over”
I want to be much warmer, but you force me to be colder
Cause there’s safety, like I told her, not living in emotion
I wanted to be risky, though, and go with every motion
Sure, the ocean has so many fish to feed a feeding frenzy
But you’re the only one I want when I feeling empty
Do you hear me? Do you get me? Am I speaking clearly?
You’re breaking up with me but I love you very dearly
I wish that you were near me, sitting on this step now
Knowing both our walls have been put away and let down
But we’re both so damn upset now and both too fucking prideful
Though a simple kiss from you would be awesomely delightful
We’re both so fucking spiteful, though, both too fucking stupid
To see this fight is ruthless and really fucking useless
So, until we calm our fuses we just tear apart the walls, now
We burn the fucking roof off and watch it tear and fall down
We don’t even care to call out or look each other’s way
We just find a satisfaction in the soot that leaves us gray
But, as we start to burn away and scorch the air around us
We turn ourselves around and see the love that’s always bound us
Not as though with chains, but the bond that makes us stronger
So, we put aside the difference and we pray forever’s longer

Notes: Been a while, huh? Don’t expect it too often, though.

Cloudy View

bangbang023 — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 20:09:56 +0000

I’ve been clouded by the smoke of what’s becoming your obsession
Wind blows in my direction and it blurs out the perfection
This verse is with discretion cause it’s not said with aggression
Just a little means of venting in this rhyming flowing session
My confident confession is it tends to be a turn off
Mixed feelings on the subject and a shortened fuse to burn off
I try to shed concern off, but I don’t have the ability
Without being so dramatic, the images are killing me
The thoughts alone are filling me as I wish it off so willingly
But every ounce of effort leaves the pictures there and still in me
Paranoia’s billing me and I’m running out of wages
Insanity’s contagious and it’s laced across these pages
And through a mind that races, it screws up all the paces
Anxiety is calling and it’s lacking any patience
It really is outrageous to see how it all can get to me
But I’m keeping it all quiet because it’s all been said to me
And every word’s been fed to me, repeated and proclaimed to me
Our polarizing visions of something that’s insane to me
But it’s the way the pain must be to save the greater picture
So, I try to hold it in and then drown it with a mixture
Of thoughts and other pictures and anything that’s richer
The thousand other things that a Misses gives to Mister
But I’m only getting sicker and will be til it’s finished
And I continue hoping that we won’t leave this diminished

My jacket was stolen

bangbang023 — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 21:47:11 +0000

There’s nothing catchy or humorous or silly about the title because I’m in no mood to laugh. This is the dumbest shit I’ve had to deal with in a while.

Today was actually a decent day at work. Things didn’t go as planned and work moved a little more slowly than I would have liked, but I made a tangible difference by being there and that’s always good. Things quickly changed after I punched out, though. I went to go get my jacket and my hoody and, well, neither were in the locker that I had placed them in. This was about to get frustrating.

I started looking through all of the lockers in a frenzy as I prayed to God that I would find my stuff. None of the lockers contained my possessions and I was growing increasingly worried. I went into the employee lounge and looked around and found my hoody, thrown on a chair. I had no idea how it found it’s way there, but I was glad to have found it. My jacket, though, was no where to be found. After frantically searching, I went over to the store security and asked them if anyone had been in the lockers. He told me he needed to contact the third party security guys because they knew about it. I had hope until they spoke.

Apparently, my hoody was put into the employee lounge after they caught a woman going through the lockers. Most of us don’t put locks on them and she decided she was going to go into the employee area and start rummaging around. The third party security guard actually watched her doing all of this instead of immediately asking her to leave. Somehow, while this ass was watching, she managed to throw something into my locker and took my jacket as it was, obviously, fair compensation. Since my gloves and face mask were in my jacket pockets, she also got those. I guess she’ll be nice and fucking warm.

At this point, I just left the store. I went next door and bought a new jacket at Modell’s. They had almost the exact same jacket (minor differences) for half off, so I got it for $130. That’s not horrible, but it’s not money I wanted to spend. I actually wound up losing money today instead of gaining. It would have been more economically sound for me to stay home as I would have lost less money. All of this because the third party guard was too busy trying to catch someone stealing product instead of thwarting the problem, in the first place. Thanks for that.

Cheap Suture

bangbang023 — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:51:03 +0000

Allow me to brush the dust away from this pen
These words are important, so I play and pretend
The way that I mended and stayed til the end
Now the skill is a blur and it’s faded again
Is it fate that it ends? Or am I being stupid?
Is rhyming out thoughts simply silly and useless
I used to use this to settle my fuses
Now fog settles in and I can’t seem to do this
Cause it used to be music, so calming and soothing
Like waves on a flame when the anger was brooding
The hatred was moving even when I was losing
I thought in these rhymes when awake and when snoozing
But I misconstrued it and took all my bruises
The words were my precious, but left me so putrid
If I wanted hope for a bright sunny future
Why waste all the fuel on a cheap fucking suture?
And now I’m the loser and the stitches have broken
Every word wasted was every word spoken
I told the whole world, I told her and told him
I told you, I told me, I put it in motion
And stirred up commotion and left the door open
I wasted my words like a last drop of potion
And now this explosion might be the last for a while
Cause I wasted it all and behaved like a child

World Burned Down

bangbang023 — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:54:24 +0000

This is it, I’ve fucking had it and I’m losing my composure
I’m too grown up for this bullshit to be sold upon my shoulders
As I have grown much older and flip back through all these folders
These lines and folds inside the mind that grow as I grow colder
I can see a lonely soldier standing firm like hes a boulder
Unwaivering so patiently while the ashes smolder
He hates to scream and hates to bleed but he has been the holder
Of whatever’s in his head again, those things he hasn’t told her
So, exposure is the path he’s chosen, spilling out my heart again
I don’t have a fucking clue about the middle or the start or end
But before I fall apart again, I will fall back to this art and then
Pour it out onto the page and pray this aging heart will mend
Cause I have felt the scars, my friend, the pain before collection
I have painted every picture as a way to gain protection
From the people who just disagree and make me face rejection
From the very fucking people that have made this rage a blessing
But fuck these games of guessing, I should simply just explain it
That way everybody understands the picture that I’ve painted
I have not come all this way and I have not done all this waiting
To be mixed up in a party of the burned out and the wasted
Cause let’s face it, you had tasted it and become one of the faceless
And I hate it with a passion and the rage that it’s been laced with
And I won’t have any patience and I will not be complacent
I don’t care who might be in the room, I’ll make the whole night famous
Cause these paces that I’m walking, they are energized by passion
Enough to make me stand up to whatever shit might happen
If my actions burn the whole world down and every room you died in
Then I can rest so peacefully and erase what does my mind in

Normalcy

bangbang023 — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:00:49 +0000

Perhaps, not yet, but it’s the onset of turrets
An impulse from the chest from all I’ve surpressed
It hasn’t caught yet, but it’s under and on breath
The safest place to be is further than arm’s length
Cause the urge ain’t gone yet, it’s completely conceivable
I can feel it seeping through, the surge is unbelievable
I’ll become the evil dude, the one to stay and see it through
And bring nothing but distress when I really should give peace to you
But I am just the least to you, another broken piece to you
A cog beside a wheel that lacks a little grease to you
I shouldn’t have to preach to you or make a fucking reach to you
You should see the work I do and everything it means for you
So, fuck your little reasons dude and fuck these funny feelings
The ones stealing from the picture and leaving portraits peeling
Envy on the floor again while you’re across the ceiling
I should be fucking proud, but I’m lost and fucking reeling
Concealing what I’m feeling and convinced I’m fucking dealing
It simply isn’t logical, this isn’t fucking healing
This feeling is Goliath and I can not be it’s David
I try to force it out again, but it decides to stay in
And every night and day in, the playground that I play in
Is a minefield of my own and not the safest haven
I wish that I could trade in a cloud or two for normalcy
Cause I truly fucking know that there is something wrong with me