Posts tagged angry
Cloudy View
Jan 23rd
I’ve been clouded by the smoke of what’s becoming your obsession
Wind blows in my direction and it blurs out the perfection
This verse is with discretion cause it’s not said with aggression
Just a little means of venting in this rhyming flowing session
My confident confession is it tends to be a turn off
Mixed feelings on the subject and a shortened fuse to burn off
I try to shed concern off, but I don’t have the ability
Without being so dramatic, the images are killing me
The thoughts alone are filling me as I wish it off so willingly
But every ounce of effort leaves the pictures there and still in me
Paranoia’s billing me and I’m running out of wages
Insanity’s contagious and it’s laced across these pages
And through a mind that races, it screws up all the paces
Anxiety is calling and it’s lacking any patience
It really is outrageous to see how it all can get to me
But I’m keeping it all quiet because it’s all been said to me
And every word’s been fed to me, repeated and proclaimed to me
Our polarizing visions of something that’s insane to me
But it’s the way the pain must be to save the greater picture
So, I try to hold it in and then drown it with a mixture
Of thoughts and other pictures and anything that’s richer
The thousand other things that a Misses gives to Mister
But I’m only getting sicker and will be til it’s finished
And I continue hoping that we won’t leave this diminished
My jacket was stolen
Jan 9th
There’s nothing catchy or humorous or silly about the title because I’m in no mood to laugh. This is the dumbest shit I’ve had to deal with in a while.
Today was actually a decent day at work. Things didn’t go as planned and work moved a little more slowly than I would have liked, but I made a tangible difference by being there and that’s always good. Things quickly changed after I punched out, though. I went to go get my jacket and my hoody and, well, neither were in the locker that I had placed them in. This was about to get frustrating.
I started looking through all of the lockers in a frenzy as I prayed to God that I would find my stuff. None of the lockers contained my possessions and I was growing increasingly worried. I went into the employee lounge and looked around and found my hoody, thrown on a chair. I had no idea how it found it’s way there, but I was glad to have found it. My jacket, though, was no where to be found. After frantically searching, I went over to the store security and asked them if anyone had been in the lockers. He told me he needed to contact the third party security guys because they knew about it. I had hope until they spoke.
Apparently, my hoody was put into the employee lounge after they caught a woman going through the lockers. Most of us don’t put locks on them and she decided she was going to go into the employee area and start rummaging around. The third party security guard actually watched her doing all of this instead of immediately asking her to leave. Somehow, while this ass was watching, she managed to throw something into my locker and took my jacket as it was, obviously, fair compensation. Since my gloves and face mask were in my jacket pockets, she also got those. I guess she’ll be nice and fucking warm.
At this point, I just left the store. I went next door and bought a new jacket at Modell’s. They had almost the exact same jacket (minor differences) for half off, so I got it for $130. That’s not horrible, but it’s not money I wanted to spend. I actually wound up losing money today instead of gaining. It would have been more economically sound for me to stay home as I would have lost less money. All of this because the third party guard was too busy trying to catch someone stealing product instead of thwarting the problem, in the first place. Thanks for that.
Cheap Suture
Oct 1st
Allow me to brush the dust away from this pen
These words are important, so I play and pretend
The way that I mended and stayed til the end
Now the skill is a blur and it’s faded again
Is it fate that it ends? Or am I being stupid?
Is rhyming out thoughts simply silly and useless
I used to use this to settle my fuses
Now fog settles in and I can’t seem to do this
Cause it used to be music, so calming and soothing
Like waves on a flame when the anger was brooding
The hatred was moving even when I was losing
I thought in these rhymes when awake and when snoozing
But I misconstrued it and took all my bruises
The words were my precious, but left me so putrid
If I wanted hope for a bright sunny future
Why waste all the fuel on a cheap fucking suture?
And now I’m the loser and the stitches have broken
Every word wasted was every word spoken
I told the whole world, I told her and told him
I told you, I told me, I put it in motion
And stirred up commotion and left the door open
I wasted my words like a last drop of potion
And now this explosion might be the last for a while
Cause I wasted it all and behaved like a child
World Burned Down
May 26th
This is it, I’ve fucking had it and I’m losing my composure
I’m too grown up for this bullshit to be sold upon my shoulders
As I have grown much older and flip back through all these folders
These lines and folds inside the mind that grow as I grow colder
I can see a lonely soldier standing firm like hes a boulder
Unwaivering so patiently while the ashes smolder
He hates to scream and hates to bleed but he has been the holder
Of whatever’s in his head again, those things he hasn’t told her
So, exposure is the path he’s chosen, spilling out my heart again
I don’t have a fucking clue about the middle or the start or end
But before I fall apart again, I will fall back to this art and then
Pour it out onto the page and pray this aging heart will mend
Cause I have felt the scars, my friend, the pain before collection
I have painted every picture as a way to gain protection
From the people who just disagree and make me face rejection
From the very fucking people that have made this rage a blessing
But fuck these games of guessing, I should simply just explain it
That way everybody understands the picture that I’ve painted
I have not come all this way and I have not done all this waiting
To be mixed up in a party of the burned out and the wasted
Cause let’s face it, you had tasted it and become one of the faceless
And I hate it with a passion and the rage that it’s been laced with
And I won’t have any patience and I will not be complacent
I don’t care who might be in the room, I’ll make the whole night famous
Cause these paces that I’m walking, they are energized by passion
Enough to make me stand up to whatever shit might happen
If my actions burn the whole world down and every room you died in
Then I can rest so peacefully and erase what does my mind in
Normalcy
May 20th
Perhaps, not yet, but it’s the onset of turrets
An impulse from the chest from all I’ve surpressed
It hasn’t caught yet, but it’s under and on breath
The safest place to be is further than arm’s length
Cause the urge ain’t gone yet, it’s completely conceivable
I can feel it seeping through, the surge is unbelievable
I’ll become the evil dude, the one to stay and see it through
And bring nothing but distress when I really should give peace to you
But I am just the least to you, another broken piece to you
A cog beside a wheel that lacks a little grease to you
I shouldn’t have to preach to you or make a fucking reach to you
You should see the work I do and everything it means for you
So, fuck your little reasons dude and fuck these funny feelings
The ones stealing from the picture and leaving portraits peeling
Envy on the floor again while you’re across the ceiling
I should be fucking proud, but I’m lost and fucking reeling
Concealing what I’m feeling and convinced I’m fucking dealing
It simply isn’t logical, this isn’t fucking healing
This feeling is Goliath and I can not be it’s David
I try to force it out again, but it decides to stay in
And every night and day in, the playground that I play in
Is a minefield of my own and not the safest haven
I wish that I could trade in a cloud or two for normalcy
Cause I truly fucking know that there is something wrong with me
Nemesis
Apr 5th
Your power is confined to this temporary situation
Taste of what is factual hidden in this dissertation
Craving like the darkness for a drink of what’s to spill
Uncaring and so heartless, I am driven by temptation’s thrill
You’ve become my nemesis
As I seek for an end to this
You’ve become my nemesis
And I fiend for an end to it
An end to you
Not a man and never more, nothing but a jester whore
Reality is emptiness and a taste of what’s in store
Chauffeur to the desperate and the villains all the same
A smile doesn’t matter much when the teeth have all been stained
You’ve become my nemesis
As I search for an end to this
And I fiend for an end to it
And an end to you
I won’t beg and I won’t shatter
Silent through what doesn’t matter
Watching as you twitch and clamor
Praying for a sound to stammer
Every demon that’s held dear
Every breath behind your jeer
Mingle til they see the day
When all your angels go away
You’ve become my nemesis
As I search for an end to this
And I fiend for an end to it
And an end to you
End to you
End to you
Little evil messages that will be the end of you
Notes: The music that would accompany these lyrics is heavily inspired by Tool and A Perfect Circle. I’ve been listening to them a lot, lately.
Chains of Paralysis
Feb 5th
I’m so sick of the chains that take every word away
Letters erased that could take all the hurt away
They could settle my nerves today and make it all better
But every damn person hates every damn letter
And I’m so fucking fed up with the blood on my lips
From biting my tongue every time that I’m pissed
If a thought can exist should it be such a crime
To speak from the heart with these words from the mind?
Cause time after time I get lectured and beaten
For thinking this way, for whatever the reason
First it was humor and then my analysis
The silence you want is this mental paralysis
So, drink from these chalices and taste all the blood
Every thought from my veins that I send you with love
I don’t care if I suck or if you give a fuck
I’ll do this for me cause these words have my trust
Cause when I’m set to bust and erupt with a passion
These fucking words help to calm the reaction
No matter what’s said, no matter what happens
They’re here to listen, not seek a retraction
Cause when I get all trapped in thoughts that consume me
I need to release them, the feeling is soothing
If people won’t listen, if people don’t give a shit
I’ll write it all here, I’ll write ’til I finish it
