Xpression.v2
A trip inside the heart and mind.
Fighter, King, and Singer
Jan 11th
I’m the heavy hearted fighter with too many thoughts inside me
The might be’s and why me’s have come around to bite me
I might need a miracle or a shroud to hide me
Or a fucking answer to the questions that can blind me
They find me, they found me, they come around to drown me
With led inside their knuckles, they beat me down and pound me
Bone to the metal, a hope that was astounding
Beaten by reality that’s bent and used to crown me
As the king of all destruction, the throne on which I fall on
Is built upon the bruises and what I thought was all gone
I’m used to singing your song of hope and inspiration
But I’m bellowing the old tunes of my only devastation
Cause this lowly desecration of everything I worked for
Has become the crowning victor of everything I hurt for
It’s what I use this verse for and what I’ve lost the nerve for
A fighter, king and singer has been broken down at her door
With punches that have lost their weight and legs that only buckle
And a crown that falls to pieces, you can see it fucking crumble
The notes are never magic as I studder and I stumble
All of us are broken down by these fucking knuckles
And as we take our troubles and let them run their courses
I can only pray a little bit that they are greater forces
Forces than can beat me and always rise above
Force that can take away a queen and all this love
Notes: Bear with me people. Trying to work this shit out the best way I know how.
Letters in Lessons
Jan 11th
This is the moment that I’ve dreaded, but I know I have to face it
With humility and patience as we crawl across these pages
With the walls of all these faces that contribute conversation
We can choose to lock them out or make them our congregation
With a little moderation and this truth intoxication
Perhaps your doubts can fall from their stool of domination
I hate their every whisper, but for you I’ll sit and take them
Your words are fucking brutal, but I’m cool to fucking face them
And I’m sorry for the swearing and the times I was complacent
I felt this love was wasted if I didn’t show this patience
But a little too much patience can make everything seem tasteless
And you see me in the greyness with the nothing I’ve been laced with
And you begin to grow to hate this and question its correctness
Maybe nothing can be right if we’re never fucking wreckless
Cause if every other sentence is collected from generics
Then is anything, at all, capable of being cherished?
But if everything should perish, then I need to send this message
A hundred of these letters put together in this lesson
It’s not about obsession or being or possession
It’s all about just knowing when everybody else is guessin’
And I guess that’s just my lesson, the fact that I still know it
That I love you more than ever, even when I fail to show it
My heart is racing rapidly and I don’t know how to slow it
We can race across the finish or sit back as we both grow it
Notes: Just clearing my mind. Wanted it to be longer, but it would have trailed off.
My jacket was stolen
Jan 9th
There’s nothing catchy or humorous or silly about the title because I’m in no mood to laugh. This is the dumbest shit I’ve had to deal with in a while.
Today was actually a decent day at work. Things didn’t go as planned and work moved a little more slowly than I would have liked, but I made a tangible difference by being there and that’s always good. Things quickly changed after I punched out, though. I went to go get my jacket and my hoody and, well, neither were in the locker that I had placed them in. This was about to get frustrating.
I started looking through all of the lockers in a frenzy as I prayed to God that I would find my stuff. None of the lockers contained my possessions and I was growing increasingly worried. I went into the employee lounge and looked around and found my hoody, thrown on a chair. I had no idea how it found it’s way there, but I was glad to have found it. My jacket, though, was no where to be found. After frantically searching, I went over to the store security and asked them if anyone had been in the lockers. He told me he needed to contact the third party security guys because they knew about it. I had hope until they spoke.
Apparently, my hoody was put into the employee lounge after they caught a woman going through the lockers. Most of us don’t put locks on them and she decided she was going to go into the employee area and start rummaging around. The third party security guard actually watched her doing all of this instead of immediately asking her to leave. Somehow, while this ass was watching, she managed to throw something into my locker and took my jacket as it was, obviously, fair compensation. Since my gloves and face mask were in my jacket pockets, she also got those. I guess she’ll be nice and fucking warm.
At this point, I just left the store. I went next door and bought a new jacket at Modell’s. They had almost the exact same jacket (minor differences) for half off, so I got it for $130. That’s not horrible, but it’s not money I wanted to spend. I actually wound up losing money today instead of gaining. It would have been more economically sound for me to stay home as I would have lost less money. All of this because the third party guard was too busy trying to catch someone stealing product instead of thwarting the problem, in the first place. Thanks for that.
Android will be on my next phone
Jan 8th
I’ve had two interactions with Android, Google’s mobile phone operating system. The first time I had a taste of the glory was on my sister’s Motorola Droid. Then, today, I installed a really rough build of Android on my HTC Fuze. It was a little slow and some of the features aren’t complete, yet, but it felt so much better than Windows, already.
I’ve been talking about this with a few people recently. Android really seems to be that perfect middle ground between the iPhone’s beauty and usability and Windows Mobile’s customization and power. Everything about it is well done and, being that it’s a rather new operating system, it’s designed around a high speed, touch screen world. That’s the problem with Windows Mobile. It’s so old and Microsoft rested on their laurels for so long, that it just doesn’t meet the needs of a user today. The interface still isn’t finger friendly and there’s a certain beauty that’s still missing from it all. The problems aren’t only skin deep, though. Hell, the fact that text messaging is still such a struggle for the OS is ridiculous beyond belief.
I don’t like how the iPhone locks you down to the old mantra of “Apple’s way or the high way” and I hate how Windows Mobile struggles to get anything done. Android is that fine balance of power and beauty and it’s won me over. The iPhone never wow’ed me like this and neither did any other mobile OS. It’s all about the world of Google, now and, even though they may hate my privacy, I’m going with Android when I can afford to do so.
Games really aren’t a kid’s toy anymore
Jan 6th
It’s amazing how video games have really changed since the days of the NES, huh? Back then, they were sort of cool, not nearly as popular, and often seen as a toy for a child instead of a mainstream form of entertainment. Fast forward 25 years and suddenly you have video games acting as the main source of entertainment for many many people.
I think Sony had a lot to do with this growth of the industry. While Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis did a decent job of growing the number of people owning consoles, the perception of these consoles being nothing more than toys really didn’t dissipate until late in the life of the PS1. It took another generation, though, for things to full swing in the opposite direction. With the introduction of the PS2 and some of it’s more mature titles, namely Grand Theft Auto, views of games being nothing more than colorful plumbers jumping on mushrooms changed and people began to realize that these devices could entertain adults, too.
Sony left that pitch still hanging, though, when Microsoft came around and, once and for all, solidified the position of video games as a legitimate form of entertainment for people of all ages. The combination of the Xbox 360 (the first console released this generation) and it’s online service, Xbox Live, people from all walks of life started coming together to play video games. Multi-player games, such as Halo and Call of Duty, brought large groups of people together, virtually, and gave them all something to talk about the next day. Some of those people were in a classroom and some were around a water cooler. For the first time, kids and adults were sharing the exact same experiences. Who made a great headshot on their friend? Who crushed their co-worker in a game of Madden? These questions are now just as common as reactions to the latest movies or songs.
It’s been a fun journey, when I stop to think about it. For those people who don’t get it or think that people like me are immature because we play these games, you need to realize things are a lot different now. Exit out of Farmville, log off of Pogo, and close that DS, and take time to recognize the fact that we’re all gamers, whether we think it’s dumb or not cause these games really aren’t a kid’s toy anymore.
Another disappointment and another shock
Jan 5th
Today was a little rough at work. I came in, as I would any other morning, and began working with my co-worker who had been scheduled along side me. I really didn’t expect anything out of the ordinary to happen. Hell, we even got to work on a planogram, which we haven’t been able to do in months, so I was feeling pretty good about things. Towards the end of the work, the GM came over and asked if he could borrow my co-worker for a few minutes and he’d have him right back. Who am I to say no to the GM? I didn’t think anything of it and went on with my work. That’s when things changed.
About an hour later, I went on my lunch break. After calling Melanie quickly and getting something to eat, I realized my co-worker never came back and texted him to ask him if he went home or if the GM had killed him (jokingly). Not more than two minutes later, I find out he was led out in handcuffs with a police escort. I have no idea what he’s accused of doing, but considering the people who were in the building today, they obviously think it’s something serious. A guy I worked with for 4 years and really grew to trust was now nothing but a common criminal who lied to me and everyone around us. Damn.
I really hope I’m not being too dramatic about all of this. I just feel really shocked by this and extremely disappointed in this guy. The world can really let you down sometimes.
Are the wrestling wars about to start again?
Jan 4th
Ask any wrestling fan and they’ll agree that the best period for professional wrestling was in the late 90′s and early 2000′s when the WWF (now WWE) and WCW were going head to head. The competition drove creativity and made for an amazing show for people on either side of the equation. Then, when the WCW folded, WWE went soft and everything fell to pieces. In comes TNA.
TNA wrestling, from the few shows I’ve ever watched, has always felt a bit low budget and seemed like a non-threat to the WWE. Tonight, however, that seems to be changing as they are airing a live broadcast for 3 hours in which two of those hours will directly compete with the WWE’s Monday night broadcast. Sure, WWE is bringing Brett Hart back to be a guest host, but their stories have been ridiculously lame for the past few years and a one night gimmick may not do much to help. TNA, on the other hand, is bringing in some big name talent including the way over-aged Hulk Hogan and Sting. Jeff Hardy is also going to be backstage since he was, apparently, fired from the WWE for a drug bust. While I’ve lost a lot of respect for the guy because of his personal issues, he can definitely put on a good match.
I’m going to try to watch TNA live, tonight (I also have the DVR set). I want to find wrestling that I can stand to watch, again. Maybe no company can bring back the Stone Cold era, but it’d be nice if there was something better than John Cena for fans to watch.
My Netflix Blu-ray queue is looking red
Jan 2nd
I’ve been using Netflix since Microsoft added Netflix instant streaming support to the Xbox 360. The streaming is nice, though the selection of movies is limited, so I’ve always swayed more towards renting DVD’s. That changed, a bit, when my birthday rolled around.
This past birthday, Melanie bought me a Blu-ray player and I, instantly, ran to the Netflix website and upgraded my account to include Blu-ray rentals. It was a match made in heaven as I added a ton of new releases to my queue and enjoyed the beauty of the amazing format. Things haven’t been as good, though, lately.
Here is a screen shot of my current queue:
Notice all of that red telling me that the various movies are temporarily unavailable. It’s not a great feeling to sit here and see that. Netflix is a great service, but are they maintaining inventory to keep up with demand or just sitting back and expecting us to deal with it? It’s still way too early to say I’m going to cancel my account, but it does make me consider the other options out there, such as Blockbuster’s service. They don’t charge extra for Blu-ray,which is nice, but I’m not sure how quick or reliable their shipping is, either.
A kiss to start the new year
Jan 1st
Well, combine midnight on New Year’s Day, a Kodak Zi8 camcorder, and a girlfriend whom I love and you get the following video. There’s nothing else more to say about it lol
Another year has passed
Dec 30th
So, another year is almost complete and it’s been another interesting one for me. While 2008 was all about my love life and finding that happiness that has carried me since finding it, 2009 has been about advancing my career.
It’s been a long year at work. I started off as part time in Merch, but then quickly jumped over to part time SWAT (counting product) for the extra money and promise of a full time opening. The full time spot never materialized, unfortunately, and I quickly learned how miserable I was in the job and really started to fall off the radar. Thankfully, right before the new management came in, a full time Merch spot opening and, after some convincing, I was given the spot. It’s been stressful and tiring and the source of plenty of minor injuries, but it’s all been worth it. As I said not too long ago, I actually like my job.
I have a feeling that 2010 will continue my focus on work. I want to move up and I really need the extra money that comes along with it, so I have to keep working for it. There are a few minor goals that I’m considering, such as getting my driver’s license, but nothing is set in stone and I hate planning that far in advance.
Anyone else have their goals or focuses set up for the upcoming year?