poems

Cooling Nutrition

1
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Cooling Nutrition (5/19/2008)

The walls are creeping in and there’s no one around me
The nightmares began in the moment they found me
Held me down, bound me, and broke down the mind
Not letting me go while there’s hope down inside
And I know that the light could chase them forever
But the darkness is here and we lay here together
Melded and tethered with a bond still unsevered
It seems to be random, but I think that it’s measured
Cause nothing is feathered, it’s harsh and uncaring
As it flows through the mind of the heart that it’s tearing
The pictures it’s sharing can tug on these strings
And make me afraid of the love that this brings
But, enough, I can’t breathe, I need to escape this
It’s not what I asked for and I can not take this
I’m losing my patience, I need some assistance
Right when I lose it, she hears and she listens
Just soothing the symptoms and removing the visions
The sound of her voice is a cooling nutrition
Calm for a soul that has cracked under stresses
And peace for a mind as it deals with these messes
Cause I’ve a confession, I’m weak in the darkness
In the youth of the night, I can’t seem to part this
But, please, disregard this, cause now I have help
From the girl, here with me, who can leave it all quelled

Notes: Slowly, but surely, getting it back.

Painted Weak

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Painted Weak (5/14/2008)

I wonder what you think when you’re reading all these lines
When you’re hanging on the vibe of this analyzing mind
When my pride is on the line and it’s right before your eyes
Do you understand that I don’t exaggerate or lie?
That it’s really simply fine for me to show my emotions
Exposing them all in the struggle to control them
Do you think that I should hold them and concentrate the weakness?
Am I painted weak by this humbleness and meekness?
Cause it’s become my thesis that laying out the pieces
Builds a certain view of me that contradicts completeness
And creates a partial view of a battle that is ceaseless
And misconstrues the facts and paints me into weakness
But underneath the reasons and the battles that I write out
Lies the spirit of a fighter and you can not put the light out
Just because I lie down and attempt to rest these nerves
Doesn’t mean you’re seeing everything when I vent these words
But I guess it seems absurd to assume you’re seeing past this
After all, I have these walls, and a tendency to mask this
I’m taking all my lashes and storing negativity
It’s propane for the fire that I use to burn what’s given me
Cause every day it lives in me and waits for me to call it
A viciousness and anger that will pick up all the fallen
Puzzles once completed will be shattered by the fury
You can call me weak, but the mirror is my jury

Notes: On the technical side of things, it’s not my strongest piece, but I haven’t written in a while and wanted to get something down. As for the meaning, I simply wonder if the fact that I write about my emotions in my poetry causes people to assume I’m weak.

Desperate Election

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

There’s two sides to this that have begged for attention
One has maturity and one no disgression
Their suggestions are based on emotions and lessons
And pure blinding hatred that comes with this tension
At the mention of fighting, I’m left in suspension
As they argue their points for this head’s best direction
A chance for perfection or a test of intention?
Which do I choose in this desperate election?
As I’m left in retention, feeling my chest swell
The shadows can tempt, but I know it’s a death knell
The king, as his head fell, beneath his own crown
She’s helped pick me up each time I go down
And that’s why I know now that I need to be peaceful
Honest and truthful and calm, not deceitful
Forget being evil for these lambasting people
Let go of the poison and the venomous needle
And return back to gleeful and happy and loving
Nobody can break this, their words all mean nothing
It’s not fear that directs, but a choice to be better
For the love that I have that keeps this boy together
She heals this void so much better than the hatred of old
She gives me this warmth when I’m broken and cold
She’s the reason I’m calm and won’t bow down to violence
I’ll be peaceful, respectful, but I will not be silent
Cause I’ll come to your island, I’ll take up the moment
I’ll make sure my words are pure honest and potent
I’ll show some respect, but I’ll draw out the lines
And leave you to ponder these thoughts from my mind

Notes: I can’t let the blind anger guide me. I need to be better for her and I know this, now, because of her.

Transitional Words

1
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

In this time as I transition and step off the precipice
It can be hard to stay so level and never question this
Have I invented this as way to handle problems
Or can it be much more after I have gone and solved them?
Cause I was on the bottom and was drowning in the apathy
Alcohol and scars replaced the thoughts of living happily
And in that time of tragedy, I could light up all these pages
As though the flow were airborne and highly damn contagious
But the hatred in my veins was a venom to be taken
Corroding every source of my strength when I was breaking
I was sitting, facing pain and the anger it was laced with
Apathy, not patience, was the way I chose to face it
And it got me no where racing, spinning every wheel again
Numbness, my acquaintance, it’d never let me feel again
It’d never let them steal again and take away what mattered
Nothing was much better than a something that was shattered
But that pattern has been breaking, I’m no longer feeling battered
You can hear the chitter chatter of my heart beat’s pitter patter
I now sit atop the ladder and can see how much I’ve risen
And maybe it’s not wrong to write thanks for what I’m given
Cause my vision has been altered, it’s complete without division
I’m wholly seeing her and this heaven that I sit in
This sunny world I live in can inspire in it’s own way
And I wouldn’t give it up for the fire, simply no way
I’ll aspire, in my own way, to always be a better writer
To be a better son, better boyfriend, better fighter
And you’ll never see me tire or fall backwards to the fire
These words will find their place cause I won’t let them retire

Notes: As I’ve become content with life, I’ve found it hard to get worked up enough about anything to write. Truth is, I can write about negative feelings very well, but happiness is really new to mean and I’m always afraid of being too cheesy with it or lacking any real depth. This is me discussing my struggle.

Riffing and Rhyming

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I’m creatively exhausted, but too proud to force it
I just wish I had control of the flow from this faucet
I know I haven’t lost it, but where’s the cohesion?
The strings to connect it, the rhymes and the reasons
But I really don’t need them if I go with this mindset
A little bit of this and that, is this mine yet?
Do I know the next line yet? I’m honestly riffing
Digging through the mind as if I were fishing
Am I swinging and missing or have I made contact?
A million fucking questions, I just want what is gone back
Am I calm like a bomb that’s about to explode?
Or is this the peace I’ve always wanted to know?
Or is this the eye of the storm that’s been passing?
God, I fucking love her and the way I’ve been laughing
The way time is passing and the smile I’m wearing
It’s so fucking new, but I love what she’s sharing
But, in the same, I feel hate for the people who fight this
The envious pricks who don’t have, so don’t like this
I’m too happy to hide this and too spiteful to care
I’ve been through the bad times and now my life is fair
As my eye catches her there, she’s walking in my direction
She’s a vision of beauty, this girl is simply perfection
I’m writing without disgression cause she’s all that I need
Even if it makes these words harder to read
But I love her, you see, and, for now, hate is faded
I’ve had all my dreams and, in a way, I have made it
In this transitional time as I rhyme about nothing
I hope you can see that I am happy and loving

Notes: I haven’t written in a while. Besides there being a lack of time on my part, it’s just a bit difficult to write when I’m honestly content with my life. I just went into this with the idea of writing whatever popped into my head. It stayed together pretty well, but I had no goal and no predetermined conclusion. I just went with it.

Facing This

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Facing This (4/16/2008)

Is there a way to approach this so we can say that we have closed this?
In case you haven’t noticed, I feel afraid to even broach this
I hate to feel this hopeless and helpless with loss of focus
And I pray these simple words will perform their hocus pocus
Cause I wonder if you know this, as we deal with this and face this
That I bled beneath the weight cause, at times, I couldn’t take this
On the outside I was patient, but within this soul was breaking
Searching for an outlet that would help control the shaking
And I’m rarely good at faking so I would tell you that I’m clueless
I thought it was just me that would have to travel through this
On a path of gravel, shoeless, I had tried to hide the bleeding
As I tried to slow my heart beat and quiet down my breathing
But the haunting sound was screaming, never letting me escape it
Maybe hate is overbearing, but I really fucking hate it
I wish that we could take it and simply then erase it
Making us feel better as we tighten up these laces
Then brighten up our faces as we’re racing to the painless
Both of us were hurt, but we’ll never once retrace it
The past can seem so ancient when you love the one you lay with
But allow me one more second to conjure up and say it
That I’m sorry for your agony and I’m sorry for your hatred
I wish I could absorb it so that you wouldn’t have to face this
I wish you could be weightless and happy and complacent
I’d love to give you mine if you’re ever feeling faithless
But you’ll never have to face this on your own and by your lonely
Your stuck with me right here and I hope by now you know me
That I’ll let you squeeze and hold me and lean on me whenever
Cause I’m standing right beside you, we’re facing this together

Scared of Hope

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Scared of Hope (4/10/2008)

It’s really been a bit since I’ve put logic in this nonsense
With mind control to prop this, no emotions there to block this
Just talking while I’m conscious and completely in control of it
Not letting my frustration completely get a hold of it
But really, there’s the whole of it that tends to mix in feelings
The part that leaves me kneeling with my hands up to ceiling
Peeling through the layers of the darkness she’s been stealing
Honestly, I’m so afraid of the light that seems appealing
Cause this feeling is so powerful, it leaves me feeling open
It’s a lot to hold that trust after always feeling broken
And letting all this hope in can seem a little scary
When others have abused it after claiming that they’re caring
And doubt can be so tearing as it ripples through the mindset
There’s no reason to be scared, the pain hasn’t turned to mine yet
But if you asked for my guess, there’d be nothing I could say
Cause I can only pray that she’ll be there for every day
Cause I really love the way I’m so strong in all this weakness
I tend to doubt myself as I gather all the pieces
The agony is ceaseless until she’s right beside me
Then, suddenly, I’m stronger and I could beg the world try me
And, yes, that’s fucking frightening to recognize reliance
I hate to just admit it, but I need her for this vibrance
Should I struggle in this silence or make a soul’s confession
That I need her for this happiness, the road, and my direction

Notes: It’s about being scared of this wonderful thing that I have. What may seem as a lack of trust or lack of faith, is really just a fear of the unknown.

Me and Girlfriend

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Me and Girlfriend (4/3/2008)

We broke a few rules because we love to bend them
Our intentions were pure so one day we will mend them
But the words that we send them are the truest and earnest
We can leave them here speechless, we’ll be leaving them wordless
Cause I’m needing these verses like I’ve needed this purpose
My girlfriend and me, we can beat all these curses
Then we’ll be leaving this circus to enjoy all the peace
This girlfriend loves him and that’s all this boy needs
So don’t be playing coy please cause I know what you’re thinking
It all seems so wrong and everything will be sinking
The past to which you’ve been comparing and linking
Is simply never the life that we’re now sharing and inking
Cause we’re caring and thinking and loving and trusting
These two hearts of gold that are sharing this something
We’ve risen from nothing and have broken through ceilings
With our arms interlocked and the love that we’re feeling
And you won’t steal it away with your doubts and misgivings
We’re living this love cause it all seems to be fitting
I’m not quitting this thing and I know she won’t either
She will never leave me and you can bet I won’t leave her
Cause every time that I see her, I can feel the old fighter
The guy who will stand tall and be right beside her
Like Bonnie and Clyde, it’s not wronger but righter
And we’ll turn to the world and burn it down with our fire

Notes: I give a little nod of recognition to the Jay-Z song that inspired me to write my own. In the end, though, it’s about me and her taking on all the doubters and letting what we have speak for itself.

Unwanted Guest

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Unwanted Guest (4/1/2008)

Why is it you won’t let me just enjoy this heart’s compassion?
Instead you retaliate by resurrecting what has happened
Cause every single action that you make me over analyze
Is a creation of frustration and I hate the way you fantasize
Looking through these damning eyes, expecting hurt and bleeding
Filling me with anguish when it’s peace that I am needing
I will never be conceding this and let you break these pieces
But, sometimes I feel so fucking weak beneath what is so ceaseless
Cause you paint the world as cheaters and hypocrites and leavers
These liars are the ones who feed on those they see as bleeders
And I’m the lone receiver of this torment that’s deserving
The agony you instigate can be so god damn unnerving

Stop it with your whining and just face the truth presented
When you look into the mirror, it’s you that is resented
I’m just purging out the agony by bleeding every vessel
To rid of you the happiness with which you wish to nestle
Cause I simply wish to settle in these dark and lonely places
Where everyone is dead to us, we’ll never see their faces
Where pain is simply traceless cause no one is there to give it
And these thoughts of contemplation are the only things to visit
And nobody hears your wishes and no one will give a fuck
When you’re lying in the corner with the darkness of a cut
Bask in the self disgust of the strength you always hoped for
In the times when you were stupid and you really didn’t know more

I won’t sit here and take this, I won’t let you destroy this
This love I hold for her is so precious, I enjoy this
I tried to just avoid this for years and I was empty
And that’s when you took control, that’s when you tried to tempt me
But now it’s hard to get me cause I’m stronger and much wiser
I’ll still screw up a million things, but I’ll never be a liar
And I’ll never be the person who you try to make me out to be
I’ll fight you til the very end, I’ll fight you when you shout at me
And when you throw your doubt at me, I’ll refuse to take it
My heart is fucking fragile but I refuse to let you break it
As much as I still hate this, the love is now my reason
It’s the warmth inside a crippled heart when everything is freezing

The Ways

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

The Ways (3/27/2008)

I sit alone in this room and I wish that you were here
I would hold you so close and wipe away our fears
We would never shed a tear that wasn’t out of joy
If you could be here, the girl that makes this boy
Cause your face replaced the void that I could never fill
The pain spilled on my soul and I could not find the pill
I’d hide behind this skill as a mask of my security
To conceal the imperfections, the flaws and my impurity
With every line assuring me that I would never find you
The girl I didn’t know, but the one I’d hope to climb to
The perfect single woman to erase my incompleteness
And it’s scary to admit it, but I love you and I need this
Cause you’ve sorted all these pieces with love as spirit’s reason
You put me on the road again, you’ve balanced the uneven
You’re the source of all my strength, but that smile is my weakness
The way it melts my heart, God, I never want to leave this
And I want the world to see this, to stop and pay attention
To the way we fit together and ascend into perfection
The way we take direction from these hearts held in connection
And the way that we’re both better cause we’re sharing every lesson

It’s the way you make feel that makes it hard to write this
Cause the feeling’s so amazing and it’s so hard to describe it
I want to make this perfect and make every word astounding
To explain it all to you, the way my heart is pounding
It’s the way my heart is shouting in every single beat of it
Your beauty and your smile and your love are what completed it
Excuse me if I cheat a bit when I fall into cliches
But every one seems fitting because of you these days
As I fall into these ways of happiness and gleefulness
Rising from the ashes of a past full of deceitfulness
And as you stop to read through this, I hope that it will hit you
That I really truly love you and I always want to be with you

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