poems

Sick of the Radio

0
3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I’m so sick of the shit that’s played on the radio
Am I supposed to love it? I really fucking hate it, though
The way they go and take a flow and beat it to submission
Is a smack in the face of the paint that’s my nutrition
There’s no haze inside my vision, I know I’m at the bottom
But even from my place, I look up and see a problem
Will nobody come to solve it out of fear for being looked at
Is there anybody brave enough to go and take the book back
A text book road to riches that needs it’s pages torn out
Because the path is common and the pavement is all worn out
When did riches take the scorn out and fame replace the passion?
When did rhymes become a scheme and a carnival attraction?
When did it stop to matter if there’s essence in your wording?
Why do some of these abusers feel they’re always so deserving?
It’s enough to drive me crazy, it’s so god damn unnerving
And it’s even worse to think that it’s never called concerning
Cause if you go about discerning that one rhyme from another
A third will sound the same cause they’re painted the same color
And those of us that suffer are the one’s who love it deeply
The people who obsess about it and love it so completely
Fuck tying this up neatly with a happy beat and rhythm
Don’t ever dance to this but question what is given
Stop taking what I love and conforming it for money
Cause those of us that care only find you sad and funny

Maybe I Am

0
3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

The world always asks for strength when all I have is weakness
Sometimes I have to ask if I am strong enough to beat this
Cause looking at the pieces can be a bit confusing
It’s hard to find the soothing when you know a storm is brewing
What is it that I’m doing? What is it I’m not saying?
Why is it that there’s always fear behind the words I’m praying?
When you come to me for saving, why is it I’m decaying?
What is it down inside of me that brings about this fading?
Cause I’ve given up the hating, the anger and the raging
I’ve tried to be more giving than ever being taking
But, now, this heart is racing as my thoughts are spinning crazy
I need to find a calm for her before it leaves me breaking

It’s amazing, in this fear, though, how I strive to persevere
I used to run and hide every time the hurt got near
But something in her tears makes me feel a little stronger
Like maybe I can stand up, for just a little longer
And use the strength to warm her until everything is better
Then I’ll quietly collapse but never let the weakness get her
If every storm we weather can be placed upon my shoulders
Then maybe she can be ok and I can be her soldier
Maybe I can be the one, the single guy she needs
Maybe I can make her smile with tears of joy on cheeks
Maybe I can keep her safe when the world would fall to pieces
Maybe I can be the one, but maybe I am weakness

Notes: It’s a little weak, but I just needed to get some thoughts out.

I’d Sing

0
3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I see the path of destruction right there before me
The cobblestoned road that once before tore me
The way it implores me can be so convincing
When nothing is right and my everything’s missing
When I’m shaking and twitching and hurting and crying
The presence of shadows can be so underlying
When this soul’s pulse is dying, it’s easily beaten
Just giving up hope with no need for a reason
I’ll just scream to release it, I’ll fade out to quiet
This emptiness eats me. I’m too weak to fight it
I’m too weak to hide it. My eyes turn to lifeless
There’s one thing I need, the one thing to right this
I need her to be here, I need her here with me
I want her to smile and I’d ask her to kiss me
I’d beg her to lift me and tell me it’s better
And tell me today that we’re back here together
And I’d hold her forever just the way that I promised
My heart’s full of love that’s impatient, yet honest
I’d sing her a sonnet though I’d miss every note
I wouldn’t care, I’d just sing of this hope
And I’d sing what I know, how I love her completely
I’d sing it off key, but I’d sing it so sweetly
I’d give it my all, I would give it my best
I just want her here with me, her head on my chest

Needle to Heart

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3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Fill it on up with the medicine of history
Please share it with me, it’s like the best hit to me
The fight that it gives to me to blacken the room
The way that it sits with me in a damaged cocoon
The way that it pierces and heads straight to the heart
Double mixed words are both bitter and tart
It rips me apart as it fills up these veins again
Today’s not tomorrow cause today is the same again
And it’s inside my brain again, I feel it there swimming
I thought we left it behind, well, maybe you’re kidding
Cause here we’re both sitting, well okay, you’re laying
While the walls of the vessels are slowly decaying
And everything’s fading, it’s come back for a visit
Circular tracks that can tear down this vision
You’ll never listen so why bother talking?
I can hear you behind me, preparing for walking
You want to leave because I’m dumb and upset
Failure’s my sport and I am such a success
Are you giving up yet? Have you seen my true color?
There’s nothing to see but a bastard, no other
I’m stubborn and weak and then callous and candid
And shy and afraid and confused and disbanded
I’m falling apart in the silence we’re sharing
Shove the needle to heart and then witness my tearing

Is It Enough?

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3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

There’s a lot to live up to, the bar has been raised
I can’t help but stare and get lost in a daze
And while I’m off in the gaze, I find myself so afraid
What if I can’t reach it? Is it too far away?
Can the bar be attained? Can I simply deliver?
There’s just too many questions that crawl in the shiver
Everything that I give her: Is it simply enough?
I was born as a quitter, but I’d hate to give up
Lose the race and slip up and fall far away
From the place that I’m at with this soul’s heart today
This heart won’t give way and give in to the fear
But it’s hard to live up to the years after year
Cause the past is still near and I wish it was further
The thoughts of the haze and the people that hurt her
The anger has fervor that blends with despair
And a few lonely thoughts that it’s all so unfair
But I can’t sit and stare, even though I still do
I just need a few walls so it all won’t spill through
I need to crawl through and see what I have with her
And pray it’s enough, all the love and the laughs with her
And so when I shiver or doubt my ability
To make her just smile, the doubts that are killing me
She’ll be the sole will in me to make me get over
And love her much more as we grow a bit older

Synthetics

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3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I’d like to find the inventor of insecure synthetics
And choke him for a bit, just choke him ’til I get it
Cause I don’t understand every damn desire
To conceal away the honesty and wear the label liar
But why do you aspire to change those pretty colors?
Explain to me the reason to change them to another
Let’s say that I’m a lover of the picture right before me
Why do you all assume that the image is so boring?
So, witness me imploring you for any kind of reasoning
Is it for the fun or the spice of varied seasoning?
What is this obsession with your dyes and all these plastics
It’s enough to grade my mind and encourage me to trash it
And do it in a fashion that could be so damn destructive
With fire from the spirit of a man that’s so digusted
Let’s take this vision public and skip right past the effigy
I’ll burn the pretty colors until there’s nothing left to see
So fuck what they’ll sell to see and fuck all these gels
And fuck all the plastics that these magazines sell
And fuck all the blues and then fuck all these reds
And then fuck the synthetics that fuck up your head
And fuck all the lies that wish you to take part in
And fuck every truth that we’ve ever put heart in
Fuck what’s been given, let’s just fuck it all up
Cause I’m too sick and tired to just give a fuck

Notes: One of the first poems in a long time that felt really good to write. Some aren’t going to like it because of the cursing and some won’t like it because of what inspired it all, but it’s really a general rant about the world and one that felt good to get off my chest.

Color of the Wool

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3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

What’s the color of the wool of the lamb that you’re seeing?
Is it pure in it’s whiteness or black and deceiving?
Is the darkness so clear because this light is fleeting?
Or is the nature of me to assume that it’s leaving?
Cause I’m screaming for reasons, but I’m no longer cheating
Or maybe I am because the rules are conceding
If this vision is needed for the sake of believing
I’m glad I can see even through all the beatings
Because all of the bleeding and the crying and teething
Was a process of growing and maturing and breeding
I’ve learned many lessons and now it’s time for heeding
Giving weight to the fact that I am no longer freezing
That my heart is now beating and even though it can stutter
I’m not defined by the hatred cause I’m also a lover
It’s taken time to discover that there was also another
An opposite side of me that’s behind walls to cover
And so when I fall or stutter or lose myself to the darkness
When the shadows are black and my wool’s colored heartless
When I’m looking for targets with the anger I’m parsed with
I can look for the one who can end what has started
And she will take both my hands and bleach out the blackness
And remind me of love and how to forget the distractions
She will look in my eyes and profess that she loves me
And suddenly this world becomes a little less ugly

Fall In The Mix

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3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

When did I learn to bite on my tongue?
I wish to go back and then leave it undone
I would run to the teacher and stop him for one
And for second I then might just block out the sun
So I can knock out the one who taught me this silence
The person who taught me this patience and quiet
This mature damn composure that some see as weakness
I’d erase it away and pretend I don’t need this
Cause I end up speechless when people start speaking
There’s nothing to say but they want to be speakers
Attention is craved and there’s no other reasons
For these people to think they should preach to their legions
The crowds of the leeches who can’t think on their own
So they laugh right along as they hope for a bone
For a string or a rope or a sign of acceptance
Blindly absorbing an asshole’s blind message
They’re lost in obsession, a desire and craving
To blend with the crowd, they aspire to fading
They’re liars in hating as they miss the big picture
They lose who they are as they fall in the mixture
Then friends fade away as they hate what they see
Another blank slate that’s erased of it’s dreams
And every damn day you can’t break from this scene
The four walls around you, the only friend seen

Notes: It’s pretty weak, I know. It started off one way and sort of evolved into another message. I just didn’t want to delete it.

From the Reservoir

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3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

From the Reservoir (5/19/2008)

I’ve grown sick of the nonsense and non stop barrages
I’ve painted the targets but I try to stay harnessed
And under control with my hands on the dials
As I face all these tests and these nerve bending trials
But control’s not my style, in the past I would lose it
I would flip every lid and then do something stupid
Another war waged out of anger and passion
Torn by the hate and it’s ways of attraction
I pray for distraction, I need it this moment
This rage is so tempting and so very potent
I’m twitching and zoned in on my retribution
A share of the venom and of my destitution
It’s my best solution, the only thing that I know
To give back the pain from the sting that I own
I’d bring it all home and hand you the suit case
Then strangle you up with my own fucking shoe lace
Cause it’s not a new case, but a stored up reaction
Calm fades to black as I hear of your actions
And my satisfaction can be found in the violence
At the hands of the man who had tried to be silent
But I won’t regress there, this will not break me
I’ll say what I say. When I say it, you’ll hate me
And then you can take me for all that I am
The guy in control of the mind of this man

Cooling Nutrition

1
3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Cooling Nutrition (5/19/2008)

The walls are creeping in and there’s no one around me
The nightmares began in the moment they found me
Held me down, bound me, and broke down the mind
Not letting me go while there’s hope down inside
And I know that the light could chase them forever
But the darkness is here and we lay here together
Melded and tethered with a bond still unsevered
It seems to be random, but I think that it’s measured
Cause nothing is feathered, it’s harsh and uncaring
As it flows through the mind of the heart that it’s tearing
The pictures it’s sharing can tug on these strings
And make me afraid of the love that this brings
But, enough, I can’t breathe, I need to escape this
It’s not what I asked for and I can not take this
I’m losing my patience, I need some assistance
Right when I lose it, she hears and she listens
Just soothing the symptoms and removing the visions
The sound of her voice is a cooling nutrition
Calm for a soul that has cracked under stresses
And peace for a mind as it deals with these messes
Cause I’ve a confession, I’m weak in the darkness
In the youth of the night, I can’t seem to part this
But, please, disregard this, cause now I have help
From the girl, here with me, who can leave it all quelled

Notes: Slowly, but surely, getting it back.

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