poems

I am not a fan of this happiness and blissfulness
The smiles on these faces, I’m growing fucking sick of this
Go and try to picture this: Me and all my hatred
Alone in the cold of a sea of nameless faces
And maybe I’m just tasteless, bitter and so jaded
The energy of darkness is bottled up, I saved it
Faking all the patience while I’m building up my energy
I tucked it safe away until I make another enemy
Holding it so steadily, this is my persona
I am filled with tons of love, but I’m also hatred’s owner
With my patience spilling over and pain flooding through my brain
When I’m left here all alone with no one to keep me sane
I guess I’m just the same when I’m left all to my lonely
Do I even have to say it? I think by now you know me
It just eats at me more slowly than the pace at which it used to
Maybe I’m just crazy when I’m facing down this issue
Cause I’m prone to say I miss you more than I should admit to
But she’s the one to keep me well when I only want to hit you
She’s the light to chase the shadows and erase away the blackness
But she isn’t here right now so instead I face this panic
And I’m shaking like an addict, I need to fucking fix this
I’ve always been so screwed up, the anxiety still itches
Cause everything is missing and everything is faded
While I sit and count the minutes, sitting and just waiting

There’s a haze over my eyes that tells me I can’t focus
This feeling is so damning, it can sometimes be so hopeless
When I’m drained of all emotions and I rest beside the quiet
I start to lose my mind a bit, I really can’t deny it
That I’m inspired by the chaos, my agony and weakness
Letters flow so fluidly when I’m falling all to pieces
When I’m smothered by the leeches that try to drain me dry
I write a thousand lines from the pain inside my mind
But the rain that filled my sky has suddenly gone missing
The man in me is happy, but the writer’s left here itching
Twitching in discomfort from the panic of the silence
It’s enough to drive him crazy while leaving him so quiet
Cause this blissful kind of diet is shockingly nutritious
The fire loses fuel until it doesn’t seem so viscous
But he wishes he could handle it, I wish that I could write again
Just scribble down a line or two before I lose my mind again
Cause agony has died within and though it’s what I prayed for
I always thought that I would be able to create more
Writing out depictions that are somewhat thought provoking
Emotions on the side and replaced by joyful hoping
But I’m stoking up a fire that doesn’t want ignition
I’m thankful for this love and that I found what I was missing
But if anyone can hear me, can you answer listen to my wishes
Let me keep this happiness, but help me push the piston
And get this engine rolling and then get the letters flowing
Persuade this mind to think a bit, give it food for growing
Leave me standing upright with my love and former skill set
Keep me in this fairy tale, but don’t erase this thrill yet

I will never be perfect, I will always have flaws
It doesn’t matter the reason, it doesn’t matter the cause
It’s just a matter of law that we all have our faults
We just need to improve through the lessons we’re taught
But I can get so distraught because I want some improvement
It might sound a bit crazy, it may sound a bit stupid
This need to be better for the sake of what’s precious
She knows what I’m saying, she knows whats my message
Cause I hold on to lessons and the pain that I went through
This point wasn’t easy, it was so hard to get to
And while complacency gets you some time for relaxing
It can also be painful and so god damn detracting
As the whole world is passing and leaving you stranded
I went through the trials so I just understand it
She deserves better, she deserves all my passion
So I won’t just sit back, but instead I’ll take action
I’ll be by her side, no matter what happens
I will give her a boost when she’s losing some traction
I will never be passive if it’s not what she needs
I will do it for her sake, not “a thank you” or “please”
Cause the man that you see will never be perfect
But I’ll strive to be better, for her sake, it’s worth it
When change has this purpose, it will always be right
One more lesson I carry as I sit here tonight

If I could clear out the knowledge and rest in the ignorance
The bliss of not knowing, the joy of the innocence
For just a few minutes this burden diminishes
Maybe then I could sit down and finally finish this
And get out the visions which reign over moments
With a poison that’s spiteful and ever so potent
When I sit down and focus on things that don’t matter
And shatter the present with thoughts that won’t stammer
They’re fluent and perfect and so fucking descriptive
I attempt to be strong and just be so dismissive
But these never listen, they stand their position
And weigh on a mind that just screams for division
And I want an escape and a clean separation
Hell, saw it all of if it means preservation
This sea’s elevation, a flood of emotion
Leaves me looking around for the valve I should open
To drain it all out and to purge it forever
To cut it all off and leave it perfectly severed
To leave it behind and resume this contentment
And ignore long ago and let go of resentment
Cause I want to vent this, I want to forget this
I only want now, the here and this sentence
I want to take lessons and forget all the facts
And I want to know that we will never go back
And that we’ll stay on these tracks, so happy together
The people we were simply lost in the never
As in never again, no more darkness and pain
Just a guy and his girl, a clear sky with no rain

Notes: It’s about knowing the past, the times before the happiness, and wishing you could forget all of it and not know the facts.