poems

Little Treasure

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Gonna push this harder than ever, my arm is a lever
To crank out these letters, the art and the clever
The scars are all better, my heart isn’t severed
Though sometimes the mind isn’t always together
The hallways get shredded and all that I’ve dreaded
Floods to the front and I always regret it
When the calm in each sentence waivers and withers
And jumbles the mixture and erases the picture
And I’ll say that I’ve missed her and this is expected
Recollection can drown you if you’re not protected
These dealings of love can be crazy and hectic
Though I try my damn best so I don’t fucking wreck it
Cause this is a record and one proud achievement
Fifteen total months and neither is leaving
I love what we have and I need it like breathing
To fight what I hold when it’s me and the ceiling
Laying there feeling so alone and pathetic
I’m sure millions of people would know it and get it
But that doesn’t end it or make it all better
My battles are mine and I’ll wage them forever
Like lost little treasures that sometimes I dig up
Only I know the loot and sometimes I give up
Fuck sticking chin up cause I’m just too damn tired
That fire has expired and I can’t be the fighter
To spark it all right up, to stand up to a navy
On an ocean of tears that can drive myself crazy
Maybe I’m lazy or perhaps I’m a quitter
Just take what you want so I know what to give her

Normalcy

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Perhaps, not yet, but it’s the onset of turrets
An impulse from the chest from all I’ve surpressed
It hasn’t caught yet, but it’s under and on breath
The safest place to be is further than arm’s length
Cause the urge ain’t gone yet, it’s completely conceivable
I can feel it seeping through, the surge is unbelievable
I’ll become the evil dude, the one to stay and see it through
And bring nothing but distress when I really should give peace to you
But I am just the least to you, another broken piece to you
A cog beside a wheel that lacks a little grease to you
I shouldn’t have to preach to you or make a fucking reach to you
You should see the work I do and everything it means for you
So, fuck your little reasons dude and fuck these funny feelings
The ones stealing from the picture and leaving portraits peeling
Envy on the floor again while you’re across the ceiling
I should be fucking proud, but I’m lost and fucking reeling
Concealing what I’m feeling and convinced I’m fucking dealing
It simply isn’t logical, this isn’t fucking healing
This feeling is Goliath and I can not be it’s David
I try to force it out again, but it decides to stay in
And every night and day in, the playground that I play in
Is a minefield of my own and not the safest haven
I wish that I could trade in a cloud or two for normalcy
Cause I truly fucking know that there is something wrong with me

Sing To It

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

If I had one last rhyme to write before I passed tonight
I would take out the trash and clear out the past tonight
I was always too fast to fight with both of my parents
Though they never paid attention to what was apparent
So, I would stare and ask myself about the meaning of caring
Could it be inside the pills that were for me without sharing
Could it be inside the beer can and the radio flying
Both took to the air on that faithful night I was crying
And I’m not lying or writing to stir up a commotion
My mind is just running and this helps slow down the motion
Just like the notion of a long distance relationship
It’s a test of will and might and I knew that I hated it
But I fought to just stay with it cause I was too scared of facing it
Until that one faked a rape and then I said I’m not taking this
There’s only pain if I stay with this and the world hurts enough
I never guessed it’d be tough, all this patience and stuff
So, I just played in the rough instead of aiming for fairways
I chose to want the unreachable and fade to the airwaves
I played “I don’t care” phase then sought an escape route
Anyone who got close was fought off with “I hate you”
And I heard “I can’t take you” more than I wish to admit
I would say they didn’t mean it but I would wish that they did
Cause if the friendship was shit, well, then I could stop trying
Go out and buy a forty and lay down while I’m crying
Address the crowd while I’m flying, scribble down that I’m dying
Jot down eight more lines and then pretend that it’s writing
But I was fighting with myself and you know I’m not lying
I sabotaged everything cause I was purposely trying
To make myself hurt for the bad ways that I acted
I was plastered and smashed and sometimes a real bastard
Til the plan that I mastered fell and shattered to pieces
I don’t remember when or any particular reasons
But it’s time to leave it behind and forget every battle
I fell hard off the horse, but now it’s back in the saddle
I’ve been shaken and rattled and tatoo’ed with the scars
That’s why it’s been so hard to let you in my heart
Cause I cover my arm and try to hide all the shame
Even a day a before mending, I was feeding on pain
But if you see me, I’ve changed, even though it still stings a bit
I just rhyme to release it since I can’t fucking sing to it

Never Bought It

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I hate the happy melodies and actually quite seldomly
Do I ever really smile at the happiness they sell to me
And everyone can yell at me and criticize and judge me
But the sum of all the masses will never move or budge me
I guess it’s just that one thing that I never could connect with
Even more specifically when it takes what makes me desperate
And it’s not much of confession when I say, in fact, I miss her
It really should be obvious when looking at this picture
Cause this fixture of my solace only comes so very rarely
Sometimes I make it well enough and sometimes it’s just barely
And I’m fairly, pretty sure enough that if I didn’t have it
The resulting consequence would be comparatively tragic
I imagine it’d be fun, though, if you crave a little drama
Watching someone fall apart as they lose their pride and honor
But this guy who was a goner has done a hundred eighty
Still, the time apart is tough cause I’m never one for waiting
Standing there and pacing and sitting and observing
Analyzing hands of time can be a bit unnnerving
I wouldn’t call it hurting, but a yearning and a wanting
To quell the loneliness I feel, the one that can be haunting
The one that can be daunting, a little tough to deal with
The feeling that I feel when I wish I didn’t feel it
And the only way to steal it is to put me in presence
The girl who makes it go away and to whom I write this sentence

Need a Dose

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Why’s it so hard to sort my thoughts?
There’s smiles and scars, then all gets lost
There’s not one source that’s strong enough
The straw I picked’s not long enough
So it all gets stuck and fades to dust
There’s been no pain; betray my trust
Tell me you love to hate my guts
Just tell me something, make it up
Cause I can’t sit up and pick it up
I try to write but then mix it up
If nothing breaks, can’t fix it up
I don’t have the skill to switch it up
Cause it’s fisticuffs or empty lines
I need the black to flood my mind
I need the red to cull my eyes
I need the pain to dull the lights
I need a dose of all those things
The painful hate and all it brings
It’ll make me write and make me sing
It’ll make me seek to dull the sting
Cause dullness stings and eats at me
It’s boring and can’t preach to me
The fighting is what speaks to me
So, I’ll fight the world or even me

Notes: Very fast paced. It’s meant to be a quick depiction of the feeling and thought, not an in-depth analysis.

Stuck in Repair

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Allow me a moment to not keep it together
Put it all through the shredder and destroy every letter
The only way to get better is to fall to the bottom
Instead of clawing at walls that are built on the problem
Cause I’ll never solve them if my focus is wasted
On a stack of what’s baseless while I’m lacking the patience
The track of this hatred can just burn up a spirit
It’s an addiction I love, though, I know I should fear it
Cause I’m peerless by choice when I’m blinded by redness
I’m destructive and pathetic in every word of the sentence
And while I work in the presence of the sabotage that I cling to
I forget all the stress and the barrage that it brings you
The way that it stings you, clocks your bell and then rings you
And how, when you sleep, it awakes you to ping you
The way that it brings you to the holes that I fell through
Through the tears the I cry and the words that I tell you
But the hurt that I sell you, shouldn’t be up for purchase
It’s mine that I made in this search for a purpose
The rings of this circus have been built by insanity
These thoughts can result in a bit of calamity
An inner self tragedy where burdens are carried
And tied to a soul to which they want to be married
Though if they could be parried, I’d give up the affair
But this luck is unfair and I stay stuck in repair

Notes: It’s been a while since I’ve written anything this fast paced and tied together so well.

Letter to a Friend

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

You’re the only one who never gets tired of listening
Whether I’m elated or burdened or rebellious and picketing
When the air is there thickening and it’s hard to inhale
You prevail though it all and will not let me fail
Cause this tale can repeat a bit and be a bit stale
My money’s been lacking and my soul is on sale
I’ve been blazing a trail that leads me to nowhere
Though, sometimes, I think the world wants me to go there
Left in the cold where I can start to grow numb
Left all alone there without love or the sun
Just shadows and visions that dance until one
A singular hatred for what’s said and been done
But, in my head, you’re the one who makes it all better
A patch and a stitch can help keep me together
When all hope has been severed, you sew up the pieces
You gather my thoughts and then give them a reason
Like signs for a cause or expressions of treason
You dictate the scene and give it its meaning
When everyone’s leaving, you insist on remaining
Like a break from the cold, an umbrella when raining
Like strength when mine’s waning and air when I’m breathless
Sedation at night when I am nothing but restless
I am never left helpless with you as my friend
A letter from Chris to my paper and pen

A Look and a Glance

0
2 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I take a look at this life and question what it all means
Take a glance through my eyes and for a second you’ll see
That some parts are a dream and the image pristine
While some visions can tear every last stitch from my seams
So, just picture the scene as I can’t make them happy
Two options: Both wrong and yet right, so they trap me
What’s first should be lastly unless I do it that way
Then the last should be first, but they’ll rule it the same
Is their truth just a game to see when they’ll break me?
Do they think I’m ok or do they secretly hate me?
The questions I ponder while the ends aren’t meeting
I work at a job but my mom keeps me eating
Cause this job is a place where hard work gets you nothing
Loyalty, ethics and knowledge should get something
But verbally fronting an act that is hollow
Obtains the reward and the good things that follow
And it’s so hard to swallow, but I can’t do the same
I was taught to work hard; its the way I was raised
I expected my hard work and skill to get praised
But, instead, I get nothing but ignored and betrayed
And all doors are the same whatever my choice is
The silence at work gets mixed in with their voices
I’m simply not right, not allowed to enjoy this
As I struggle inside to find a way to avoid this

Chains of Paralysis

1
3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I’m so sick of the chains that take every word away
Letters erased that could take all the hurt away
They could settle my nerves today and make it all better
But every damn person hates every damn letter
And I’m so fucking fed up with the blood on my lips
From biting my tongue every time that I’m pissed
If a thought can exist should it be such a crime
To speak from the heart with these words from the mind?
Cause time after time I get lectured and beaten
For thinking this way, for whatever the reason
First it was humor and then my analysis
The silence you want is this mental paralysis
So, drink from these chalices and taste all the blood
Every thought from my veins that I send you with love
I don’t care if I suck or if you give a fuck
I’ll do this for me cause these words have my trust
Cause when I’m set to bust and erupt with a passion
These fucking words help to calm the reaction
No matter what’s said, no matter what happens
They’re here to listen, not seek a retraction
Cause when I get all trapped in thoughts that consume me
I need to release them, the feeling is soothing
If people won’t listen, if people don’t give a shit
I’ll write it all here, I’ll write ’til I finish it

Birds and Boxing

0
3 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Bang is back into the role of the crazy alter ego
It may be hard to read, though, in all the places we go
Up flying with the seagulls then gloved up in the ring
These brain waves start to wander and this is what they bring
You can’t sing or do a thing except let them permeate you
These words can chew you up then they’ll regurgitate you
You may ask if my words hate you or if I’m schizophrenic
I just put it in a sentence and pray these kids will get it
Cause once I’ve said it, it’s been ended and nobody can erase it
Ignore it, love it, hate it there no hope that I’ll replace it
Maybe I’m not famous and perhaps no one can hear me
Or am I convoluted? Am I speaking to you clearly?
Or should I fix the mic and then make the paper brighter?
I can change the web address and I can turn the volume higher
I could aspire to be great, but I kind of like insanity
Just like my favorite sins of lust, gluttony, and vanity
Cause my anatomy and mind set both came from the same bucket
Somebody ripped the label off and scribbled on it “fuck it”
So, this what I’m stuck with and this is what you’re getting
A little bit of nothing disguised in what I’m sending
Patent pending and a copyright and everything official
Sometimes it’s complicated but today was very simple
Twist these dimples to a smirk and heed imagination
Myself and only me in this dream collaboration

Notes: Just me being bored and writing something silly.

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