poems

Hollow Anguish (9/18/2005)

With this hole in my chest, from this life I digress
Leaving behind my cold silhouette
I’m not that upset, but I feel so damn empty
Hollowed inside and your hope can not tempt me
Or keep me alive with a smile for your taking
A mask to assure you that the lie isn’t breaking
I’m so tired of faking and pretending for others
Holding them up while my own life is smothered
And drained of the color of my past aspirations
Fading to black taking your aggravations
I’m lacking the patience to deal any longer
I’m tired of fighting and not getting stronger
Too backed in the corner to bother with trying
The tears show I’m weak, a blank stare shows I’m dying
The fascade for the hiding is crumbling down
Exposing the pain that was then and is now

Cause all that I’ve found in all of these lessons
Is that I’m alone and so prone to the message
The words of the darkness and hopeless convictions
That I try to convey through these verbal depictions
Are all that I know and the knowledge is hollow
It’s as though every breathe gives me nothing to swallow
And the road that I follow has nothing to show for
But the tales of mistakes that give me nothing to hope for
So I’ll settle my own score and digress from the picture
I’ll fall so far away that I’ll just be a mixture
Of photos and stories and things so forgotten
The face of a soul that the anguish had rotten

Examination of A Pride (9/3/2005)

Just turn the fucking light on and lets get to the start
I’m thinking what I’ll write on, it’ll be from the heart
I’m taking the charge and willingly playing this game
Pouring my soul out to relieve the pressure of pain
And it’s so insane watching as your faces all change
What did he say? Is his mind really that way?
I think you should pray that I don’t get near to a flame
Combustibility is what gives me this range
But do you think this is strange? A quiet kid with a flow
It’s unpredictable but we all know how it goes
As soon as rage grows, I’ll take it right to the page
I’m swinging with my pen as I write through the rage
And bust through the cage, anger cracks through the bars
Every fucking stroke represents all of my scars
It may not get me that far, but this is all for relief
I don’t need a house or a car to help me find inner peace
So, no I won’t cease, I won’t fold up, stop and leave
I don’t care who’s offended cause this is something I’ll keep
A passion I need to climb the hills that are steep
A constant reminder that I will never be beat

I can’t believe I wrote that, but damn it’s so smooth
I don’t mean to be rude, but what could I possibly lose?
Cause here in these shoes there’s not many possessions
Just a heart and a pain and this rhyming obessesion
Dictating my lessons through every poetic session
A journal to the world of my darkest confessions
But it’s no profession cause I don’t even get paid
Just a collection of my thoughts, my rage and my pain
And I’m paving my way through the acidic rain
Using words as a bridge to cross over to change
Cause things ain’t the same, I’ll find absolution
I’ll wash it away and write to get back at confusion
And take back the solution, the perfect mixture of life
Finding peace in my self with a small hint of the strife
Cause I need all that spice to add fuel to this fire
Just one more excuse for me to write with desire
So, call me a liar or pretend this is fake
Pray I’ll expire or fall victim to fate
Please raise up the stakes so that I’ll make more mistakes
Cause I can run every race, it’s no matter the pace
I’ll be out of the gates running with you in the chase
So tie up youe lace so you don’t fall on your face
I don’t think there’s disgrace in writing with passion
But it’s never embraced once it’s over examined

Back Story: I just took a flow and went with it. I touch on quite a few topics: Why I write, People’s reactions to my rhymes, the life behind the words, and the energy it gives me to keep fighting onward. I hope you like it. By the end of this one, I was so into it, that I was sweating and breathing heavily. What a rush.

Pairing (8/28/2005)

Here’s a story of two people who are sharing their compassion
Both under different steeples but still the same attraction
But they need to take some action as everything is rotting
The walls they built are falling and the blood of love is clotting
And to everyone, it’s shocking, cause apart they’re so much better
But weakness filters in everytime they get together
If this pairing couldn’t work then what hope is left for us
If all they feel is hurt, then no soul is left to trust

Let’s take a look at her and try to get our bearings
She, wanted all along, a chance at this whole pairing
Approaching it seemed scary, but she gave it all it needed
Until the day was born and hope and joy succeeded
But, energy depleted, she wanted some return
A little bit of effort that’s put in to ease the burn
But now her stomach churns as she waits there by the phone
Clenching at her heart as she sits there all alone
Cause even when she’s home, he is rarely there
A ghost within her darkness, she needs to know he cares
But all he does is stare and give her empty promises
Now she is feeling scared, but wanting to move on with this

Now, lets flip it back to him and analyze the story
A little lost within and he finds his life so boring
Never really open and never really knowing
What it means to share a love and leave your feelings showing
Though, his heart inside is glowing behind the outter shell
He wants his space to live without hearing her just yell
But trapped inside a hell of not being good enough
Not knowing who to be and maybe fearing total trust

It’s funny how these things always get so complicated
We forget just what we have and get so damn frustrated
Never really happy with a smile and compassion
That’s why most pairings fail, we all want more to happen

Back Story: Not really my place to explain the details, but it’s a true story or, at least, my interpretation of it. This is not about me.

Fran of Frans (8/17/2005)

Now that I have your attention, sit down for the session
While I babble to teach you and vent out my aggression
I just found my profession, done without your disgression
Beautiful hate that will hand out a new lesson
I’ll stop now, I’m just flexin’, showing off verbal muscle
Flipping through words with no concern of the trouble
Oh please don’t be mad, I’m begging you please
Ha, I’m just playing, get as pissed as you need
Get the pistols you keep and shoot rounds off at me
Curse me for relief ’til you’ve found disbelief
“I just do not get it, he was once such a good boy”
Write me angry letters, hope I’ll find us a new joy
And pray that I’ll rejoin your most perfect of dinners
Nothing like sharing the bullshit with sinners
Whose eyebrows’ the thinnest? Are her’s painted on?
That bitch is a racist, yet her face is long gone
I should take my long arm and smack her a little
Just enough to set straight and get her back in the middle
Walking the line of the crazy and desparate
This house wife’s not pretty, but is plastic invested
Oh, that’s so precious, that is so god damn perfect
I’ll go hump on her leg ’til I’m labeled perverted
No, your’e not crazy, that made no damn sense
She gave me her drinks and now my head is a mess

What is this beef? What the hell is he doing?
The past is complete, but the future is brewing
Something not sealed up, so now I will close it
Abuse her a little, have my fun and expose it
Cause people like that, with the fakest of faces
Need a small taste of the hate of the racists
You fuck around with that stuff and here’s your results
Oh, Fran of the Frans, a clown and her cult

Note: This is a very delayed reaction. Maybe like 2 or 3 years ago, there was an incident at my Aunt’s house where someone close to me was pretty insulted by the racist comments made by a drunken friend of my Aunt. I wasn’t the Chris I am today back then, so I didn’t really have the focus to react the way I should have. I finally just approached it and, instead of adding more hate and anger to such stupidity, I decided to have fun with it while still making a statement.