poems

Failure Obsession (8/19/2006)

It’s hard to understand everything that I’ve digested
If I stare a little longer, I just magically might get it
But why am I obsessed with realistic comprehension
When every time I try it, I am left out in suspension
Floating through the nothings that I’ve built the past few years on
What renders no emotion used to motivate and cheer on
Every little nuance that I’ve lost inside confusion
‘Til the person that I am is nothing more than a dilution
A watered down reflection, one dimension, nothing more
Drinking of the solitude that hides behind the door
Loneliness, insanity, and the screams I keep inside
Dullen out the glisten that once gleamed inside my eyes
And it keeps me bordered up, locked away from every world
From the people that I’ve grown with to every single boy and girl
Every single person that I shove into a corner
I keep them far away and put walls around the border
Cause I’m afraid to make a move, I’m obsessed with never failing
Walking when I used to run and clenching at the railing
Fearlessness that never was, but courage that sure did
Evolving to complacency where “just enough” it is
But is this all so healthy? I don’t think I want the answer
It’s one addiction more that has grown in me like cancer
Some call it a cliche of sorts, but this is how I live
Far away from everything with nothing much to give

Notes: Still a bit short, but I’m taking baby steps.

A Prisoner Remembers (8/5/06)

Does anybody else ever think back to those moments
Where the energy was pure and emotions were so potent
When the world was to be soaked in and nothing was decided
And we never let a day sneak by us uninspired
But now I feel so tired and it’s like I have no passion
Never living by a feeling, always thinking of the action
Surrounded by distractions, always something to be thought of
It feels like yesterday when only boredom should fought off
But now we’re over porous and everything here simply bores us
Determination has escaped us and there’s nothing left there for us
I don’t want to see the forest from any god damn tree
I just want to find a feeling that could thrive inside of me
And bring alive a side of me that used to live on just desire
Where everyone was loved or they were painted by my ire
And everything was fire and the fucking world was burning
With the passion and the drive that kept my spirit churning
As it kept us all from hurting and crashing down to nothing
The fuel that energized us and helped us feel like something
Anger, tears, or happiness, just something we could live on
Any kind of feeling that our flames could be re-lit on

Do you ever really think back? Do you remember how it felt then?
Do you miss it like I do regardless of the hell then?
That moment in our lives where the choices were so endless
And everything was feeling: every action, every sentence
But everything was perfect, even though we were so clueless
We would make a quick decision, then we’d go and simply do it
The entire world had newness that intrigued our every instinct
And we cherished every moment that the rules were never in sync
We just followed every inkling, every itch to go much higher
Never really thinking that we would fall in with the liars
Do you miss the days of freedom from the entire world’s disgression?
Do you miss it like I do? Do you wish you could confess it?

Notes: It’s been a while, so I’m fucking rusty as hell. Anyway, this one is pretty clear cut. Does anyone else miss the days of being care free and unconcerned with anything but the moment we were living in? Man, do I ever…

Medication (7/9/2006)

Sometimes all this frustration can really start to build up
And I’m about to over flow, blow my lid, I’m all filled up
With the rage and the adrenaline of twenty thousand life times
I get caught inside the moment as I scream away a few lines
Cause I’m feeding off the fuel lines of the pressure always mounting
There’s no way to calm me down, there’s no breathing and no counting
Yet, I find it so astounding as I turn the volume upwards
That it quiets all the rage like a motorcycle’s muffler
As I bang my head all crazy and thrash my body with it
The weight of the frustration is all broken as it’s lifted
A rocking fucking misfit with a scream to vent the pressure
The decibels in numbers but the value has no measure

Flip it all around, I sometimes walk into depression
A battle that I wage and I win with every lesson
But sometimes the feelings build up and everything comes crashing
The anger has escaped me, there’s no energy for trashing
But I turn the the volume past me and I listen to the sorrow
Of the men who walked before me and that made it to tomorrow
The emotions that I deal with right there inside the speaker
As I listen and get stronger, surprisingly not weaker
So I hang on to the tweeter and I let it ring right through me
I let it take control as I waive my lighter smoothly
I let it guide and pull me and direct me in my footsteps
It has never let me down every time I need a push, yet

Some say it’s only music, but it’s more than just a passion
It’s the beat inside my soul, it’s the anger and compassion
The energy to drive me and the strength to pick me up
It’s the way to clear the fog instead of always giving up
So, I thought I’d give it up and send out this dedication
To every song that made me well like a perfect medication
There’s no doubt or hesitation when I dial up the dosage
Just my own anticipation as I hear what you don’t notice

Rock and Hard Place (6/16/2006)

It’s hard to admit to myself that I may have been wrong
I get along but the pain has gone on for so long
I tried changing my song to make everything perfect
But I lost track of the reason and lost sight of the purpose
Cause in this circus of life where everything is twisted
I thought they were special and that they were gifted
But when I see the tears inside of my own sister’s eyes
It quiets my pride and puts some thought in my mind
About the times that I let their opinions get to me
And the times that I spoke, and their words had come through me
When I questioned what I was doing even though I was right
And when I gave up the fight cause of where I sleep at night
But I feel it’s right, she’s simply finding complacence
A girl that is growing and is still finding her placement
With a love in her heart to fill what is missing
The same kind you might see when you start reminiscing

It’s a tough place to be in, between beliefs and good reason
Between knowing what’s right and still wanting to please them
But should we all walk away from the things we believe in
And ignore what we love with every breath that we breathe in
Or every time that we see them, we see their whole disappointment
Cause we let them both down, in their mind’s it’s a treason
So many damn choices with something that’s so easy
When life’s calling to you and proclaiming “just seize me”
But their looks are so freezing, why can’t someone relieve me?
Should we chase what we love or give up, make it easy?
The line may sound cheesy, but it’s our life to live with
And if it all feels so right, then it’s what we should stick with
And it’s what we should live with and what we should lean on
It’s the passion to drive us and remind us to keep on
Cause one day it might be gone, a loved faded forever
But for now it’s right here and it helps keep life together