Xpression.v2 » poems

Byproduct Dreams

bangbang023 — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 16:32:23 +0000

Have you ever touched your mind with a psychotic product
Simple needle to the brain right behind your fucking eye socket
Beg the doc to end it but he answers you with “why stop it?”
If crazy is contagious then I think he’s claiming I got it
So, it’s best if I just drop it and put the paper in my pocket
Take it to the pharmacist so he can help me shop it
But that prick is so annoying and man he’s so obnoxious
He seems to be guy who would shove me in the lockers
Or pull me by my boxers and drag me to the doctors
Tell them that I started it and prescribe a few concoctions
This candy that I’m swallowing has me seeing goblins
I don’t think it can help me cause it’s only making problems
But this is how I’ll solve them, taking crazy to the paper
Every line is like a pill and I’m addicted to the flavor
One day it’s my own demons and the next it’s all the haters
I don’t think that I’m crazy, but I do think you’re all traitors
So, I’ll sit here with my foil hat folded into layers
I’ll act just like the president and you’re just fucking mayors
Inside this little silly world, I’ve made us all the players
If the picture starts to fade, I’ll take one or two pills later
Cause the dream is what I savor as another Z pill taker
Nine years into history and I still can’t fill the crater
If you ever want to do it, just do me one damn favor?
Just take your fucking brain to a mother fucking grater

A Dream Away

bangbang023 — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 03:05:44 +0000

There’s not a day that passes that I don’t sit and imagine
If this skill would just develop, all the things that would just happen
How this fucking cage I’m in and the hole that I feel trapped in
Would fall to shreds and vanish and leave me in it’s ashes
So I could rise up like a phoenix and look down at all you bastards
With the fury of thousand words, I’ll leave you feeling plastered
Cause the skill that I just mastered dimmed the lights on Mr. Passive
And I’m the one who stood tall preaching bullshit to the masses
I’m just sick of all your “classes” and the beat downs and darkness
These fucking words I hold so dear can leave me feeling heartless
Like a bomb in your apartment, I will blow the fucking roof off
And then lower my own tone to the point I think it’s too soft
I will knock their fucking shoes off with my grasp on my emotions
To me it’s just a silly rhyme, but to them it’s all just poems
And people all around the world, though I’ll never know them
Will tell me that they love me and my words help to console them
And then I’ll go and show them the whole lighter side of living
The fun in being stupid and the joy in the sometimes sinning
The way to make a joke even if the time’s not fitting
Cause if we can not laugh, then I’m simply fucking quitting
But right now I’m just here sitting and praying they don’t find
Hiding from the assholes who love to fucking grind me
The way they bark their orders, the way they love to try me
One day is just a dream away and then I’ll redefine me

Notes: Crude and rough, but figured I might as well post it anyway.

Speaker Feedback

bangbang023 — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 04:49:49 +0000

There’s this record or CD or whatever you name it
That’s been playing the same and I just can’t escape it
It preys on my brain while I sit in complacence
One thinking of leaving, but remaining in patience
The speaker is loud, too loud to just face it
I cover my ears, but it’s like I can taste it
It ruins my days with a ridiculous cadence
It finds all the joy and then quickly it breaks it
Yet I’m sickly and taken by all of this music
This song was so perfect, but now it’s so putrid
It comes off as useless and brings nothing to me
It can’t pierce my soul, hell, it can’t even move me
It’s rarely still soothing, it’s rarely still peaceful
It can’t flow throughout, but it can leave me feeble
I once knew the lyrics like an addict knows needles
But now it’s all backwards and everything’s evil
But this song can still tweedle and hypnotize me
It gets stuck in my head and then gets inside me
I can hum a few bars and it brings me a smile
But the speakers give feedback, I reach for the dial
Cause it’s right here beside me, I’m nearer to leaving
Just changing the channel cause my ears are here bleeding
The joy’s been receding and this song has been played out
Please shuffle the playlist or just show me the way out

Disguised By Fear

bangbang023 — Fri, 20 May 2011 00:57:21 +0000

I’m a bit of a mess as I look at these times
There is nothing but stress that weighs down on my mind
I thought I’d be fine as we both crossed the line
“A step to be made” is the bell that we chimed
But as hard as I try to face up to this climb
The challenge still scares me and eats me alive
Cause with you by my side I can see the whole prize
But when you step away it becomes so disguised
Hiding its eyes behind fear and uncertainty
I beg to the sky “oh please won’t you work with me”
Life’s kicking up dirt to me, making it hurt to see
A man who’s much stronger is who I must learn to be
Cause I think I deserve to see a little contentment
A peace down inside to subdue all resentment
This should be an investment and a valuable lesson
But it shakes me to pieces and fills me with tension
It’s the fear, so I’m guessing, that you might not stay with me
It’s stupid and baseless and it makes me feel shitty
With every gift that you give me, you’re sexy and pretty
Without you in my sight, the world is simply so gritty
But we go on with living as we face this together
I admit that I’m scared, but I’ll fight for ‘forever’
Every tie could be severed, I could scratch every letter
As long as you’re with me, I know it gets better.

Do Me a Favor

bangbang023 — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 23:23:15 +0000

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think I’m going crazy
Looking out the window at a world that has betrayed me
I hate to ask for favors, but I wish someone would save me
And piece me back together before I finish breaking
It’s a little much for taking, but I can’t help with the shaking
I feel a little nervous as I look at what I’m facing
For some it’s kind of normal, but these footsteps that I’m racing
Are eating at my mind like they love what they’ve been tasting
As I’m pacing back and forth again, burning through my energy
I’m warden of this prison, the one to which I sentence me
Though, everything’s been said to me to help me find composure
In this poker game we’re playing, I’m the ever falling folder
Cause I’m older, but not wiser. Not stronger and not bolder
The temperatures may rise, but the stress will keep colder
I let fear control my state of mind like it’s some super soldier
There’s courage somewhere out there, but I am not it’s holder
Cause there’s fear upon my shoulder and panic in my chest again
Negativity’s the frame of mind with which I am now friends again
I miss the old “remember when” and days of no more worries
I’ve turned this to a blizzard when it really should be flurries
So, if you’ll do the favor then please won’t you fucking hurry
Make everything all better now and rid me of this worry
Nobody has betrayed me, but it’s easier to play that game
While looking out the window and praying that I’m not insane.

Letter to Fear

bangbang023 — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 19:47:48 +0000

Do I think that you can beat me? Well, the answer’s not so easy
When the puzzle gets to piecing, you’re the one that just completes me
In all the ways you tease me, break me and defeat me
You’re all the things I never had because I let you cheat me
And I know that you can see me, gleaming when I’m freezing
Laughing to yourself every time my hope is leaving
You’re in me when I’m seizing and you never need a reason
To let me get the best of me, wake me when I’m dreaming
But now my blood is steaming because I’m just so sick of this
I hate the way I fall to you and crumple to your viciousness
You cloud up all my visions with all your evil instruments
I let you take my happiness, replace it with your bitterness
But now it’s time we finish this so I can find the path again
I don’t know where it is and I’m so afraid to crash again
Though all I need is passion and a little piece of patch to mend
I think that I can handle this, no falling on my ass again
I think I found the gas again, so pedal to the pavement
I’ll work myself to flesh and bone and never miss a payment
Cause I’m sick of all the hatred, weakness, and complacence
I need to be a stronger man through pain and these abrasions
So, don’t mistake my patience for any kind of weakness
I’m remaking every puzzle piece to find my own completeness
And then one day you’ll see this, Chris and all his pieces
A man without his enemy, a man without his demons

Tase Me

bangbang023 — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 00:01:13 +0000

Do you mind if I sit a little and just dish a little?
I know that sometimes I get pissed a little
There are days I run and just miss the dribble
But then I heat up and just swish a little
While I twist a skittle for what’s in it’s middle
I don’t make much sense when I flick the fiddle
I think I need Kirk to come kick this tribble
And then while he’s here he can fix this riddle
And while thumbs go twiddle, I lean more crazy
It’s crazier, but you can’t come save me
Cause you need the key and, well, love or hate me
I ate that shit cause the words read “safety”
So, come and take me, crumple and break me
You can hold me close until you suffocate me
When you come to taste me, please won’t you tase me?
You can jolt me sane so I don’t go crazy
But the bolts won’t phase me, tickle or wake me
I’m just not myself, have you noticed this lately?
That when you go to make me a little more mainstream
When you tie the rope and when you try to train me
That I fly more plainly and paint a painting
I just say that shit because you’re complaining
Cause when your hope is fading, draining, and waning
I kiss a socket with the crazy remaining

Notes: Not meant to make much sense. More about the rhyming, though there’s a small meaning, nonetheless.

Whistling and Humming

bangbang023 — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 15:22:39 +0000

This is a conversation that I feel should be avoided
I wish that I was deaf so I could cancel it and void it
Cause right now I’m feeling toyed with and I think I know what’s coming
So I try to drown you out with my whistling and humming
Strumming on my nerves again, the stress can be so cutting
Making me feel stupid, sometimes anything but cunning
While I’m running round in circles, the sadness keeps on budding
And admittedly your apathy can often seem so stunning
As I’m trudging through the trenches, you’re on the concrete running
Never looking back for me, you continue with the shunning
Well, my heart is down and shutting, boarded up and broken
And these words are here for you, they’re your little fucking token
I was open and receptive and I made you all my focus
When the fire kept on dying, it was me who always stoked it
But you asked me for my ticket then you stood there and revoked it
Now this is what I’m left with and instead of feeling hopeless
I will simply stand up proudly and go back inside the flow again
I’ll take this day by day and pray one day you’ll say you know again
But even if it’s no again, I will refuse to fall to pieces
Cause my strength is everlasting, but no pain is ever ceaseless
At least that’s been my thesis but I need someone to teach it
Or someone to open up to me and confirm it when they preach it
Cause I’m sort of feeling sleepless as I do this self convincing
I try to hide my pain from you, I try to hide my wincing

Notes: Not my story

Scribbling and Rhyming

bangbang023 — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 21:23:11 +0000

This is for the people who keep telling me to do this
And for every mother fucker who has ever said it’s stupid
These words are for the assholes who begged for their attention
Who picked apart every word and questioned their intention
Cause suspension of this talent was done without disgression
I silenced my whole message in an act of self protection
That prevention of the anger only served to raise aggression
And now I’m boiling over and it’s aimed in your direction
This confession is supported by years of condescension
Every single letter is my means of shedding tension
This skill was my obsession and a major fucking passion
But the friction that it caused took away a lot of traction
As I spun in the reactions and the anger and the hatred
Of the people who stood closest, those anything by faceless
I wasted so much thought on giving you those pages
You crushed me with demands, you were bold and fucking shameless
But the phases that I’m facing, the humility and patience
A brand new way of life that I’m putting through it’s paces
Brings me to these pages and makes me think of writing
Just a little inspiration goes a long way to igniting
Cause now I’m sighing, fighting, flying, scribbling and rhyming
Typing every letter like there’s treasure for the finding
I’m mining through my mind again, I’m sick of all the hiding
Nobody I should aim to please, just my subject and my timing

Notes: I’m putting a new focus on trying to get back to writing as well as I used to. This is simply an explanation of why I stopped. It’s not that great, but I hope it’s a positive step in the right direction.

Maid of Tears

bangbang023 — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 00:01:16 +0000

The room turns to black as the spotlight flips on
She hears the song and accepts that this moment is on
But like a bomb in her chest, strength fades til it’s gone
So she looks to the sky, begs and prays to be strong
Cause all along when she pictured it, he would be there
With his courage to share everytime she was scared
Life doesn’t seem fair as she chokes on that air
Cause she feels so alone even though everyone cares
But she quickly prepares and then summons composure
As she walks through the door like the strongest of soldiers
Her world’s feeling colder, but she stuffs it inside
This isn’t for her, not when her cousin’s the bride
And through the dozens of lies that she’s doing okay
She swallows her pride and marches on through the day
But then all of the pain floods it’s way to her brain
The walls fall apart when they reach the refrain
Cause the song hasn’t changed and the words are the same
It was the music of choice that he loved to replay
As they stand in that place on a warm rainy day
She fights through the tears til the last note has played
And then with all of the grace that she’s managed to muster
She accepts the condolence of the people that love her
But deep down inside, all she does is still suffer
She just wants it all back, all with him, not another
Cause the love of a sister, father, mother, or brother
Can not replace the guy that made her heart flutter
Now the ship’s lost it’s rudder, a heart’s turned to rubber
She just wants him back and to hear that he loves her

Notes: I haven’t written in a LONG time, so excuse any rust and roughness around the edges. This is just something that’s been on my mind and I decided to re-tell the story, in a way.