A trip inside the heart and mind.
poems
Be The Man
Jun 28th
I want to speak to you, let’s take the scenic route
Let’s walk upon the path that will help us see it through
It’s always me and you and we’ve never needed proof
That we could burn the world and then eat the pieces, too
Yeah, can’t you see the truth while walking in these shoes?
Remember bearing down whether dust or tree to move?
Now, it stings to see the fuse as the weakness seems to brew
Who’s been watching who while we’re watching dreams come true?
Cause I know it seems to you and it always seems to me
That everything we never want is how it needs to be
And the howling of our screams from atop these balconies
Have only drowned our pleas and the power in our knees
And we’re falling off our feet and losing all ability
To tell the world to fucking stop cause everything is killing me
Everything is killing you while the anger’s filling me
You look at me for help but there is no power still in me
Cause all that’s found, a chill in me, from staring at destruction
I’m watching wires burn and surroundings lose their function
The construction of a photograph is torn down by the leader
As we’re chased with burning torches and get labeled “non-believer”
And it’s painful, like a fever, as we see the haloed diva
Choking on the smoke she chose, paid for by receiver
I’d hate to be the meter that measures that corrosion
But I want to drink a liter of the fuel set for explosion
And use it with emotion as we spit it in their faces
Light another fire up, then sit in both our places
Watching as it races and the shrapnel filling spaces
Of the emptiness created by the castles it erases
And as we get back to our paces and exchange a glance or two
I wish to be the one you are and be the man like you
Cause you understand the truth and you make the world much clearer
Except that it’s all backwards cause I’m talking to the mirror
And as I’m walking nearer, we’re standing face to face, again
I look to you for help and then ask to set the pace, again
I’ve had to taste disgrace, again, to realize the I need you
I need to walk those footsteps and then one day I’ll be you
No Water Colors
Jun 27th
I think I hit my head and it’s making me go crazy
It makes me want to say things and whine just like a baby
I don’t think the world can save me, though, only fucking break me
Cause everytime we interact it’s like you want to train me
To be a different person and re-arrange the facing
To split a strand of D.N.A. and get to re-creating
It’s like nobody’s happy with the image I’m displaying
They’re always fucking bitching and then they start complaining
And I’m losing in refraining, my nerves are left here straining
I’m looking for some patience, but patience has been waning
The picture that you’re painting is not what’s in the making
So, fucking stop debating because every word is staining me
Now, everything is gray to me all from the words you say to me
You detail every failure; I’d rather it be vague to me
Because it seems insane to me to be the one you crave in me
A dozen different people with an image that they say to be
And every one is painting me to be something I’d hate to be
I’m starting to get lost and still none of you are saving me
Cause even when it’s plain to see that all the stress is breaking me
You keep picking up the pieces and patch me up, they’re taped to me
But the glue is waivering and those pieces get to falling
I’m delaying conversations because I feel much safer stalling
Looking for a calling that could be the lotto drawing
Deliver me a freedom that I can’t get while I’m crawling
So, I’m scrawling these words down until I get those numbers
‘Til I shove them in your face and make you see the wonders
This isn’t water color and I can’t be hidden easily
So, let me be myself and then I’ll find my “need to be”
Fuses
Jun 8th
I have no where to go now, but I need someone to listen
As I whimper to myself while I sit in this position
Cause her hidden disposition, look a ring is friggin’ missin’
A heart shaped necklace, too, and it burns me like a piston
Cause I’m simply no magician and I’m really way too stubborn
I try to hide a lot of things that simply get unconvered
Like the fact that I feel sorry, but because of all your actions
I can’t spit out the words to repair what’s just been fractured
Yeah, sure, I want to patch it and make it good and better
But you still break up with me after every fight together
One day you say “forever” and the next you say “it’s over”
I want to be much warmer, but you force me to be colder
Cause there’s safety, like I told her, not living in emotion
I wanted to be risky, though, and go with every motion
Sure, the ocean has so many fish to feed a feeding frenzy
But you’re the only one I want when I feeling empty
Do you hear me? Do you get me? Am I speaking clearly?
You’re breaking up with me but I love you very dearly
I wish that you were near me, sitting on this step now
Knowing both our walls have been put away and let down
But we’re both so damn upset now and both too fucking prideful
Though a simple kiss from you would be awesomely delightful
We’re both so fucking spiteful, though, both too fucking stupid
To see this fight is ruthless and really fucking useless
So, until we calm our fuses we just tear apart the walls, now
We burn the fucking roof off and watch it tear and fall down
We don’t even care to call out or look each other’s way
We just find a satisfaction in the soot that leaves us gray
But, as we start to burn away and scorch the air around us
We turn ourselves around and see the love that’s always bound us
Not as though with chains, but the bond that makes us stronger
So, we put aside the difference and we pray forever’s longer
Notes: Been a while, huh? Don’t expect it too often, though.
Story of Jafar
Apr 12th
Let me tell you a story and blow it out of proportion
A classical tale flipped around by distortion
I’ll mix in my sound and bounce out a few portions
I’d keep with this rhyming, but every word would be forced in
So, proceeding with caution, I beg you to have patience
You can call me Jafar, so villainous with my hatred
As ink spills on these pages, you’ll come across this Aladdin
And discover the story of how he took away Jasmine
See, love is my passion and it can make me feel shakey
Hell, it could turn any person from sane to just crazy
But the princess was mine and I cherished it, baby
Naivety soon left everything feeling shady
Because, she told me that lately, this Aladdin had found her
She breathed him in and enjoyed how he drowned her
I couldn’t believe it, but I can still see the pictures
It disgusts me to see how this bullshit just hits her
And suddenly fissures of hate break my patience
He blurs out her beauty, he’s leaving her faceless
Like the rarest of fruit that suddenly becomes tasteless
I’m lost for the words to be said that can save this
And consumed by this hatred that I have for Aladdin
I wish he was here, so I could take him and grab him
Like a brick through a window, take a knife and just stab him
Watch the flames I create as they burn him and bag him
But, as I turn to Jasmine, with these wishes and day dreams
My vision is blurred, but I don’t think she’ll save me
Sometimes bad guys are born not by their own human nature
But by the princess they love and the things that can take her
Notes: No need to remind me that I haven’t posted in two months. This was born out of my own personal need to vent and talk about it with myself, at least.
Cloudy View
Jan 23rd
I’ve been clouded by the smoke of what’s becoming your obsession
Wind blows in my direction and it blurs out the perfection
This verse is with discretion cause it’s not said with aggression
Just a little means of venting in this rhyming flowing session
My confident confession is it tends to be a turn off
Mixed feelings on the subject and a shortened fuse to burn off
I try to shed concern off, but I don’t have the ability
Without being so dramatic, the images are killing me
The thoughts alone are filling me as I wish it off so willingly
But every ounce of effort leaves the pictures there and still in me
Paranoia’s billing me and I’m running out of wages
Insanity’s contagious and it’s laced across these pages
And through a mind that races, it screws up all the paces
Anxiety is calling and it’s lacking any patience
It really is outrageous to see how it all can get to me
But I’m keeping it all quiet because it’s all been said to me
And every word’s been fed to me, repeated and proclaimed to me
Our polarizing visions of something that’s insane to me
But it’s the way the pain must be to save the greater picture
So, I try to hold it in and then drown it with a mixture
Of thoughts and other pictures and anything that’s richer
The thousand other things that a Misses gives to Mister
But I’m only getting sicker and will be til it’s finished
And I continue hoping that we won’t leave this diminished
Fighter, King, and Singer
Jan 11th
I’m the heavy hearted fighter with too many thoughts inside me
The might be’s and why me’s have come around to bite me
I might need a miracle or a shroud to hide me
Or a fucking answer to the questions that can blind me
They find me, they found me, they come around to drown me
With led inside their knuckles, they beat me down and pound me
Bone to the metal, a hope that was astounding
Beaten by reality that’s bent and used to crown me
As the king of all destruction, the throne on which I fall on
Is built upon the bruises and what I thought was all gone
I’m used to singing your song of hope and inspiration
But I’m bellowing the old tunes of my only devastation
Cause this lowly desecration of everything I worked for
Has become the crowning victor of everything I hurt for
It’s what I use this verse for and what I’ve lost the nerve for
A fighter, king and singer has been broken down at her door
With punches that have lost their weight and legs that only buckle
And a crown that falls to pieces, you can see it fucking crumble
The notes are never magic as I studder and I stumble
All of us are broken down by these fucking knuckles
And as we take our troubles and let them run their courses
I can only pray a little bit that they are greater forces
Forces than can beat me and always rise above
Force that can take away a queen and all this love
Notes: Bear with me people. Trying to work this shit out the best way I know how.
Letters in Lessons
Jan 11th
This is the moment that I’ve dreaded, but I know I have to face it
With humility and patience as we crawl across these pages
With the walls of all these faces that contribute conversation
We can choose to lock them out or make them our congregation
With a little moderation and this truth intoxication
Perhaps your doubts can fall from their stool of domination
I hate their every whisper, but for you I’ll sit and take them
Your words are fucking brutal, but I’m cool to fucking face them
And I’m sorry for the swearing and the times I was complacent
I felt this love was wasted if I didn’t show this patience
But a little too much patience can make everything seem tasteless
And you see me in the greyness with the nothing I’ve been laced with
And you begin to grow to hate this and question its correctness
Maybe nothing can be right if we’re never fucking wreckless
Cause if every other sentence is collected from generics
Then is anything, at all, capable of being cherished?
But if everything should perish, then I need to send this message
A hundred of these letters put together in this lesson
It’s not about obsession or being or possession
It’s all about just knowing when everybody else is guessin’
And I guess that’s just my lesson, the fact that I still know it
That I love you more than ever, even when I fail to show it
My heart is racing rapidly and I don’t know how to slow it
We can race across the finish or sit back as we both grow it
Notes: Just clearing my mind. Wanted it to be longer, but it would have trailed off.
Windless
Dec 24th
It revs and it revs and it never gets started
The flow never kicks, but I can’t disregard it
When I’m feeling best, this always gets hardest
I feel like a fluke and a floundering artist
Am I just a dude who will always be starless
With nothing to show for and nothing to start it
I look for ignition but nothing can spark it
When this mind’s at ease, I can feel so retarded
Cause I can’t get it started or light up the fire
When this writing is needed and not just desire
When time calls for venting and pressure builds higher
This drug is the goal for which I aspire
But I’m like a tower with crumbling spire
Hope left to waste until everything’s dire
Too late to fix it and no point to try it
The door’s fucking shut and nothing can pry it
And nothing can hide it and nothing can break it
Nothing incites it; I’m not one to fake it
I once knew it all but now I’m mistaken
Nothing is known; it’s hard to keep pace with
And tough to keep patience when everything’s failing
A mind falls to waste while the words lay there flailing
Pain made for sailing but now in contentment
I find too much peace and so much resentment
But I can not vent it or lay down a sentence
I’m like the student who snoozed through the lessons
The spotlight brings tension, I spit out these guesses
A jumble of words that increases these messes
Notes: Just trying to get a few lines written down for the sake of it. I’ve done better, but it’s better than nothing (for me).
Cheap Suture
Oct 1st
Allow me to brush the dust away from this pen
These words are important, so I play and pretend
The way that I mended and stayed til the end
Now the skill is a blur and it’s faded again
Is it fate that it ends? Or am I being stupid?
Is rhyming out thoughts simply silly and useless
I used to use this to settle my fuses
Now fog settles in and I can’t seem to do this
Cause it used to be music, so calming and soothing
Like waves on a flame when the anger was brooding
The hatred was moving even when I was losing
I thought in these rhymes when awake and when snoozing
But I misconstrued it and took all my bruises
The words were my precious, but left me so putrid
If I wanted hope for a bright sunny future
Why waste all the fuel on a cheap fucking suture?
And now I’m the loser and the stitches have broken
Every word wasted was every word spoken
I told the whole world, I told her and told him
I told you, I told me, I put it in motion
And stirred up commotion and left the door open
I wasted my words like a last drop of potion
And now this explosion might be the last for a while
Cause I wasted it all and behaved like a child
World Burned Down
May 26th
This is it, I’ve fucking had it and I’m losing my composure
I’m too grown up for this bullshit to be sold upon my shoulders
As I have grown much older and flip back through all these folders
These lines and folds inside the mind that grow as I grow colder
I can see a lonely soldier standing firm like hes a boulder
Unwaivering so patiently while the ashes smolder
He hates to scream and hates to bleed but he has been the holder
Of whatever’s in his head again, those things he hasn’t told her
So, exposure is the path he’s chosen, spilling out my heart again
I don’t have a fucking clue about the middle or the start or end
But before I fall apart again, I will fall back to this art and then
Pour it out onto the page and pray this aging heart will mend
Cause I have felt the scars, my friend, the pain before collection
I have painted every picture as a way to gain protection
From the people who just disagree and make me face rejection
From the very fucking people that have made this rage a blessing
But fuck these games of guessing, I should simply just explain it
That way everybody understands the picture that I’ve painted
I have not come all this way and I have not done all this waiting
To be mixed up in a party of the burned out and the wasted
Cause let’s face it, you had tasted it and become one of the faceless
And I hate it with a passion and the rage that it’s been laced with
And I won’t have any patience and I will not be complacent
I don’t care who might be in the room, I’ll make the whole night famous
Cause these paces that I’m walking, they are energized by passion
Enough to make me stand up to whatever shit might happen
If my actions burn the whole world down and every room you died in
Then I can rest so peacefully and erase what does my mind in