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2
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

It’s been a while since I’ve written a journal entry. Honestly, I don’t know what to write about.

Life has been pretty stagnant lately. It’s either work or nothing. I personally can’t wait for CCD and Regina Basketball to start up again so that I have something constructive to do. I’m definitely more excited about coaching since the CCD program is in shambles and I have a feeling it’s going to be more stress than anything else. As long as I have coaching, though, I’ll be fine. I miss that adrenaline so much. I always joked about how I was too old for all that chaos, but I’ll never be too old for it. It’s invigorating and stimulating all at the same time. It makes me think and act and lead all at once. In other words, it’s nice.

I have other things on my mind, but I’m finding that this place is a little more claustophobic than it used to be. People actually read this shit now and pay attention. In my writing, there’s still a level of privacy built on the fact that people often misinterpret what I write about. While some special people even manage to miss what I’m saying in my journals, they are far fewer in number. It almost makes me feel paranoid, at times. It’s as though all these eyes are looking at me, staring, waiting for me to make a move. Yet, if they looked away, I would be just as uncomfortable.

Man, I feel so lethargic. I want to get back into shape, but I find myself exhausted and aching from work on my days off. If it wasn’t for my metabolism and my severely lacking diet, I would probably weigh about three thousand pounds right now. That makes me sound like a girl, doesn’t it? It’s always amusing to hear a girl complain about their weight. No matter how skinny they are, I always get the urge to say, “Stop your whining, chubby”.

That kind of randomness means I’m out of ideas. I still like Maria and thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with her. I still hate work. I still buy way too many Russian mail order brides.

Frustration Ensues

3
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

It’s been the week of hell at work. Every time I turned around, something wasn’t exactly going my way. At least make it something that’s truely my fault.

Monday, a woman asks me to Open Box a new, unopened item so she could get it at a discount. I told her it was against policy to do so and I wouldn’t. She goes to a manager and tells the manager that I was being “mean”. You have to be kidding me. There I am, for 4 hours that day, pricing the HUGE open item setup we have and this is what I get on top of that? I actually chose to abide by the rules and I get called mean. To make it worse, she’s, apparently, some Best Buy nut who was even at the grand opening of the first ever Best Buy and knows everything about the company. I guess she also knows how to put on a good act and leave out parts of the truth when complaining to a manager.

Tuesday, a couple asks me for a TV. I explain that we don’t have it in stock for take home and only have it for delivery. They ask how much delivery is and I, of course, tell them that it does cost $50. They ask for free delivery (as everyone does) and I explain it’s against company policy. They grab the tag from me and go to customer service to say that I was being “mean”. Gah! I’m just doing my god damn job you assholes!

I’m getting tired of this crap. Customers here have no respect or manners and treat us all like complete shit. I get yelled at when something isn’t in stock and get called mean when I follow the rules. I get yelled at because Best Buy doesn’t take orders over the phone. I get told “don’t waste your breath” when I ask if the guy needs help. I’m so fucking sick of it. As it is, Monday, this one guy treated me like a dick then realized he needed me to answer questions. It’s amazing how quickly I forget things when I’m pissed off. I hope he has fun getting the run around from his cable company.

I hate being this angry. While there’s an energy to be found in anger, feeling like you’ve been shit on by the world is not something enjoyable. It’s degrading and wears a person out. I try to be nice and I get yelled at. I act like an ass and get yelled at. Maybe if I stuck my thumb up my ass and spun around, people would finally shut the hell up.

Crowded

3
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

People are all around me. I work in retail where I deal with hundreds of people a day. I work on a popular website which results in dozens of people contacting me daily. I live in a house of 4 other people and my mom is going to, soon, be watching 4 kids. Everywhere I look, there’s people and no privacy, no quiet. I’m anti-social as it is, but this lack of peace makes it even harder for me to do things like meet girls (I’d like a few more chances to screw up relationships or at least deal with true nutcases as I often attract them). Then again, if I meet a girl, it would take a lot of time to get to the point where we could sit there in silence and be content. I miss that feeling. I think I got myself a little addicted to it. I wasnt’ alone, but I had my peace and quiet. It was nice. There was no chaos raining down on me. I miss that.

Basically, I’ve just been feeling run down lately. I go to work and work my ass off dealing with asshole customers and clueless employees. Thursday, I got this happy as hell Russian named Paul as a customer. It was a small sale, only $600, but it was so nice being talked to like a human being and even being thanked for being so helpful. Hell, he was so nice, I carried his stuff to the door for him. I’m so tired of fighting through every sale and then coming home and getting more shit from the kiddies over at Neowin. It really is draining and demoralizing.

I don’t know what else to say. I’ve given up on Maria and it honestly doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’ve seen it coming, so I was prepared. Kristen read my profile which is amusing to me. I have a plugin where I could set the site to not show every post on the front page, but I think I’m starting to like it this way. The new Staind album rocks. That’s about it.

Burden of Needs

1
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

No one reads what I post here, it seems.

Money is really screwing up my life. I hate it, but I need it. I loathe it, but I can’t live without it. I don’t want to hear any bullshit about how God will provide me with what I need. He doesn’t hand out paychecks and sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I’m literally broke and can’t catch a break. This week’s paycheck was supposed to be for me. I was going to be able to eat a meal daily and just be relaxed. What happened? I wind up needing a new damn mattress and boxspring because mine are shot to hell. You would think my family would pay for it, being that it’s a living requirement. Nope, no go. My dad simply excuses me from paying my rent for the month of September. It’s not even half the cost of the crap. I fucking hate this. My bank account was accumlating money nicely. I went from $1200 to $2500 in half a year, which is a lot consider my pay and living expenses. Now it’s down to $2000 and I don’t see any chance of it going back up. To make matters worse, the people of Brooklyn are scumbags and steal too much shit so I won’t be getting a bonus check from work this year. I’m fucking broke. I barely eat anything remotely healthy (or eat at all) and my work sneakers are shot to hell and I can’t get new ones right now. I hate money. I fucking hate it. Joe gets a whole new fucking room and I’m living in my own poverty in my own god damn house. I fucking hate money. My luck, I’ll be getting sick soon. I’m stressed, sleeping on a shitty bed, not eating much and have no insurance. Either I’ll get sick or my fucking front teeth will chip again (half of each tooth is fake) and I’ll be royally fucked. I can’t take this shit anymore.

Update: I’m on the phone right now cancellign the order. Fuck it I”d rather sleep on a broken nasty mattress/boxspring than be poor and stressed out. I can handle the back pain and shit, I can’t handle starving.

Update: My mom was actually cool and said sh’ed chip in $50 and my dad offered to throw in $23 while also waiving the month’s rent, so it only cost me $50 for this. I bitch alot, but I have to admit this was very nice of them, especially my mom.

One of Those Weeks

1
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

It’s has definitely been one heck of a week. I am surely glad that it is coming to an end.

Monday, I had an unusually long shift at work. With the department in the red and customers being more obnoxious than ever, it’s extremely hard to find any motivation, no matter how hard I try to be optimistic. It feels like a whirlpool sucking the energy out of everyone who puts on that blue polo shirt. It just keeps going no matter how hard you try to fight it. The customers have gotten so bad that I try to avoid working with the expensive stuff simply because I’m tired of every sale being a fight on whether or not I’m out to screw them over. Just a whirlpool you can’t swim out of.

Tuesday entailed a short work day, which was nice, but really didn’t bring anything to the table. I don’t even remember most of Tuesday.

Wednesday was one of those days where I wasn’t meant to relax, at all. First, I make a comment over at Neowin that winds up angering too many people. That was fun. I can’t forget the innocent trip to McDonald’s which added in a brief visual twist that I could have gone without. When I finally thought I was going to be able to relax and sit back and play some MVP Baseball, my XBOX controller decides it’s had enough of this cruel world and killed itself off. I should have just woken up that day and closed a door on my head. It would have been short and to the point.

Thursday was yet another joyous day of Best Buy employment. I am not going to be upsey when Alex, my manager, gets transferred to Appliances next week. Maybe I’ll wear some assless chaps just to show him what he’s missing out on now.

Friday’s only event was an uncomfortable and patience testing trip to Adelphi University to help Diana move back into her fall dorm room. Besides the fact that Joe and I walked onto campus, into the dorm building, around campus and even in and out of the dorm room without ever being stopped, I’m sure their security is top notch. I should have stolen a base pad, just to compensate for the shitty day.

Can you believe this? I just did a break down of my week as if people are going to care. I’m starting to question if I’ve really grown as much as I thought. Why all the anger? Why can’t I get over the past? Ignorance is bliss until you know the question exists.

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