journal

I have a girlfriend. Unless you’re completely oblivious, I’m obviously crazy about the girl I’ve been writing about in my poems and we’ve been an official couple now for almost a month and a half. Her name is Melanie and you can see pictures of us all over my MySpace under the picture album titled “-=53=-”.

To be honest, the situation is a bit complicated at times because of, wait for it….the age difference between us. Maybe this is my way of addressing the issue once and for all without having to approach the topic with every person I know on an individual basis, but I struggled with it for a while myself until I realized that there are some things in life we can’t control. I really do like her and, yeah, I love her, too. I couldn’t change that for the months that I fought it and I don’t want to change it now. It’s cool if you don’t understand and I’m sure a few people are going to look at me oddly, but we’re being open about this and everyone who needs to know, does. You guys and girls are sort of the last to find out.

I really had no point in writing this journal entry other than bragging a bit about how happy I am with Melanie. For those of you who know all the details and have noticed the change in me, thank you for your kind words and well wishes. To the people who are uneasy with the idea or don’t know what to think: Please, just give it time. She makes me happy and I try my best to return the favor. We’re just two kids in love and I think we deserve a fair chance to prove to everyone how real this is.

I feel like talking. Since no one is online that’s worth talking to, you guys get stuck with me. You can thank me later in the form of monetary compensation.

Life has been a roller coaster, lately. I met this girl (as should be quite evident by my poems), but, as always with me, it’s a complicated situation. I’m not sure many people would understand it and it’s one which is going to require a lot of time to make work. The funny thing is, though, I’m ok with that. Maybe it’ll fail miserably or maybe it’ll work amazingly well. However things end up, though, I’m glad I’m taking the risk. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it makes me feel young again (I’m only 24, but shut up). When we’re young, we’d fight the world for what we feel is in our hearts. I’ve sort of lost that in recent years, but it’s back again. Maybe I’ll be labeled an outcast or perhaps people will understand it in some odd way, but I’m willing to face it, one step at a time. For now, though, I’m just going to focus on the present and on the two of us. Sometimes, a smile and a hug are worth all the stress they could inevitably bring along.

Work has been just as up and down. If you know me, you know that when I like a girl, I can be hit by it pretty badly, one way or another. We’ve had a few rough spots and this Wednesday morning, for instance, was one of them. Unfortunately, for me, I also had to work that morning. I wound up leaving early because I was just sick to my stomach. I rarely let anything ever affect me to the point where I can’t hide it, but some things just really really sting.

Anyways, work has been interesting even outside the scope of my personal feelings. My close friend, Anthony, was promoted to Supervisor of the department I work in. First of all, congratulations to him. It’s a weird adjustment, though. I went from working with him to working for him. I’m trying to make it as easy as possible for him, however, by trying to fall directly in line. He’s a respectful leader, so it’s not like I’m doing something I wouldn’t normally do, but I know that I need to help him out a bit as he tries to get the other guys to see him as more than an equal. It’s a tough spot to be in and, as a friend, I want to help as much as possible. In return, he’s looking to me to be his right hand man. Yep, looks like I’m finally going back to the status I had in Home Theater of being the go to guy.

All in all, life has been hectic. I’m trying to deal with my own problems while still being there to help others. Oddly enough, my horrible track record with relationships is coming to use now as I try to help out a few friends of mine, including Joe. I don’t get to help him much outside of the technology realm, so it’s kind of important for me to pool all my failure together and extract every lesson possible from it so I can share them with him. I’m also trying to help two other people with relationship problems. Funny, huh? The guy who hasn’t had any success with love in four years until right now is the one people are turning to. Either I’m doing something right with my advice or people are insane.

If you bother to read my poems, you’ll notice there’s a love interest in my life. To be honest, it was really something unexpected and the situation is, as always, very complicated, but I’m trying my best to make it work out. I’m not always sure how she feels, though I know my feelings are reciprocated, at least somewhat, and it does feel kind of nice.

In the short time we’ve known each other, she’s already taught me how to be more optimistic. Yes, me, of all people is trying to see the glass half full, for once. It’s a bit of a struggle, at times, but it’s worth it and a nice change of pace. I only hope that I can positively impact her life in the same way she has mine because she really is a great person and good people deserve better. It sounds a bit cliche, but, oh well.

The one thing really making this tough is the damn winter weather. Here in New York, it’s gets brutally cold and it tends to make people very lethargic. Plus, how much can you do if you can’t be outside? Movies, dinner, and what else? I’m not exactly a creative guy, but I want to do things like walks on the beach, a trip to the botanical garden, and maybe even a trip to Yankee stadium, but you need warm fucking weather for that. I don’t know why I felt like cursing there, but I did, so I did.

Other than that, I’m just trying to take things in stride. I’m a guy who hates not knowing what’s going to happen and it’s really sabotaged me, in the past. I’m trying to remain in the moment, for now, and just enjoy the time I do get to spend with her. It’s been almost three weeks since we hung out, though, and we probably won’t be able to hang out until next week, sometime. God, the wait sucks.

That’s about it, for now. Thanks to Priscilla for giving me some time when I’ve let stupid things get to me and needed to get away from it for a bit. Much appreciated.

You’ll remember that, earlier this year, I bought myself a Samsung Blackjack. If you do, you should also remember that the antenna in the first one died and I had to have it replaced. Well, the antenna in the replacement is now on it’s way out and it only took a week to convince AT&T that it’s not a down tower in the area, but a faulty phone. At least I know it’s not my fault. The unit and the original were both made within a a 5 month period that is now being placed under advisory because of, you guessed it, a faulty antenna connection. Apparently, the darn thing comes loose. Man, will someone get Samsung a tube of crazy glue, please.

My point in all of this, besides bitching, is to let you guys and girls know that if I don’t answer your call or text, it may very well be because I didn’t get it. I paid for express shipping, so I should get the replacement on Monday or Tuesday (I believe).