bangbang023

People are all around me. I work in retail where I deal with hundreds of people a day. I work on a popular website which results in dozens of people contacting me daily. I live in a house of 4 other people and my mom is going to, soon, be watching 4 kids. Everywhere I look, there’s people and no privacy, no quiet. I’m anti-social as it is, but this lack of peace makes it even harder for me to do things like meet girls (I’d like a few more chances to screw up relationships or at least deal with true nutcases as I often attract them). Then again, if I meet a girl, it would take a lot of time to get to the point where we could sit there in silence and be content. I miss that feeling. I think I got myself a little addicted to it. I wasnt’ alone, but I had my peace and quiet. It was nice. There was no chaos raining down on me. I miss that.

Basically, I’ve just been feeling run down lately. I go to work and work my ass off dealing with asshole customers and clueless employees. Thursday, I got this happy as hell Russian named Paul as a customer. It was a small sale, only $600, but it was so nice being talked to like a human being and even being thanked for being so helpful. Hell, he was so nice, I carried his stuff to the door for him. I’m so tired of fighting through every sale and then coming home and getting more shit from the kiddies over at Neowin. It really is draining and demoralizing.

I don’t know what else to say. I’ve given up on Maria and it honestly doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’ve seen it coming, so I was prepared. Kristen read my profile which is amusing to me. I have a plugin where I could set the site to not show every post on the front page, but I think I’m starting to like it this way. The new Staind album rocks. That’s about it.

No one reads what I post here, it seems.

Money is really screwing up my life. I hate it, but I need it. I loathe it, but I can’t live without it. I don’t want to hear any bullshit about how God will provide me with what I need. He doesn’t hand out paychecks and sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I’m literally broke and can’t catch a break. This week’s paycheck was supposed to be for me. I was going to be able to eat a meal daily and just be relaxed. What happened? I wind up needing a new damn mattress and boxspring because mine are shot to hell. You would think my family would pay for it, being that it’s a living requirement. Nope, no go. My dad simply excuses me from paying my rent for the month of September. It’s not even half the cost of the crap. I fucking hate this. My bank account was accumlating money nicely. I went from $1200 to $2500 in half a year, which is a lot consider my pay and living expenses. Now it’s down to $2000 and I don’t see any chance of it going back up. To make matters worse, the people of Brooklyn are scumbags and steal too much shit so I won’t be getting a bonus check from work this year. I’m fucking broke. I barely eat anything remotely healthy (or eat at all) and my work sneakers are shot to hell and I can’t get new ones right now. I hate money. I fucking hate it. Joe gets a whole new fucking room and I’m living in my own poverty in my own god damn house. I fucking hate money. My luck, I’ll be getting sick soon. I’m stressed, sleeping on a shitty bed, not eating much and have no insurance. Either I’ll get sick or my fucking front teeth will chip again (half of each tooth is fake) and I’ll be royally fucked. I can’t take this shit anymore.

Update: I’m on the phone right now cancellign the order. Fuck it I”d rather sleep on a broken nasty mattress/boxspring than be poor and stressed out. I can handle the back pain and shit, I can’t handle starving.

Update: My mom was actually cool and said sh’ed chip in $50 and my dad offered to throw in $23 while also waiving the month’s rent, so it only cost me $50 for this. I bitch alot, but I have to admit this was very nice of them, especially my mom.