If I had one last rhyme to write before I passed tonight
I would take out the trash and clear out the past tonight
I was always too fast to fight with both of my parents
Though they never paid attention to what was apparent
So, I would stare and ask myself about the meaning of caring
Could it be inside the pills that were for me without sharing
Could it be inside the beer can and the radio flying
Both took to the air on that faithful night I was crying
And I’m not lying or writing to stir up a commotion
My mind is just running and this helps slow down the motion
Just like the notion of a long distance relationship
It’s a test of will and might and I knew that I hated it
But I fought to just stay with it cause I was too scared of facing it
Until that one faked a rape and then I said I’m not taking this
There’s only pain if I stay with this and the world hurts enough
I never guessed it’d be tough, all this patience and stuff
So, I just played in the rough instead of aiming for fairways
I chose to want the unreachable and fade to the airwaves
I played “I don’t care” phase then sought an escape route
Anyone who got close was fought off with “I hate you”
And I heard “I can’t take you” more than I wish to admit
I would say they didn’t mean it but I would wish that they did
Cause if the friendship was shit, well, then I could stop trying
Go out and buy a forty and lay down while I’m crying
Address the crowd while I’m flying, scribble down that I’m dying
Jot down eight more lines and then pretend that it’s writing
But I was fighting with myself and you know I’m not lying
I sabotaged everything cause I was purposely trying
To make myself hurt for the bad ways that I acted
I was plastered and smashed and sometimes a real bastard
Til the plan that I mastered fell and shattered to pieces
I don’t remember when or any particular reasons
But it’s time to leave it behind and forget every battle
I fell hard off the horse, but now it’s back in the saddle
I’ve been shaken and rattled and tatoo’ed with the scars
That’s why it’s been so hard to let you in my heart
Cause I cover my arm and try to hide all the shame
Even a day a before mending, I was feeding on pain
But if you see me, I’ve changed, even though it still stings a bit
I just rhyme to release it since I can’t fucking sing to it