Randomness from an overactive mind
Archive for May, 2008
Fall In The Mix
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in poems
When did I learn to bite on my tongue?
I wish to go back and then leave it undone
I would run to the teacher and stop him for one
And for second I then might just block out the sun
So I can knock out the one who taught me this silence
The person who taught me this patience and quiet
This mature damn composure that some see as weakness
I’d erase it away and pretend I don’t need this
Cause I end up speechless when people start speaking
There’s nothing to say but they want to be speakers
Attention is craved and there’s no other reasons
For these people to think they should preach to their legions
The crowds of the leeches who can’t think on their own
So they laugh right along as they hope for a bone
For a string or a rope or a sign of acceptance
Blindly absorbing an asshole’s blind message
They’re lost in obsession, a desire and craving
To blend with the crowd, they aspire to fading
They’re liars in hating as they miss the big picture
They lose who they are as they fall in the mixture
Then friends fade away as they hate what they see
Another blank slate that’s erased of it’s dreams
And every damn day you can’t break from this scene
The four walls around you, the only friend seen
Notes: It’s pretty weak, I know. It started off one way and sort of evolved into another message. I just didn’t want to delete it.
Red Hot, Baby
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
I’m red hot, baby. No, literally, I’m sun burned to hell and I’m going nuts.
To be honest, I needed to post something here and I’m feeling entirely uncreative, so you’re stuck with a journal entry about my weekend. I had a good weekend, though, so I’m sure you won’t mind (right?).
Friday, I finally had a chance to take Melanie to Yankee Stadium to see a Yankees game. As things always tend to work with us, fate was on our side. It was the first fair weather game I’ve been to all year and I was thankful for that. I didn’t want her to freeze her ass off the entire time. We had fun, though, and she looked damn cute in her pink Yankee shirt and hat.
Monday (part of the Memorial Day weekend), we spent a large chunk of day on the South Beach boardwalk (I think that’s what it’s called lol). I should have worn sun screen. I am redder than hell and my skin feels just as hot. We had fun, though. I’m not usually a beach/boardwalk guy, but even I laid out for a bit on the sand with Melanie and I actually enjoyed it. Yeah, I know, me on the beach and enjoying it is a foreign concept to many. If I just shattered your reality, I apologize, but that’s just what she does to me.
Man, I’m tired of typing this. I’m going to end it here with an animated GIF that Melanie compiled from a few pictures we took while on the boardwalk. Enjoy, homies.
Weezer “Pork and Beans” Video
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in general
They actually debuted the video on Youtube since it stars a bunch of people from some of the more popular videos over the past two, or so, years. Even the Numa, Numa guy is in it. I enjoyed the video, for sure. What do you boys and girls think?
From the Reservoir
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in poems
From the Reservoir (5/19/2008)
I’ve grown sick of the nonsense and non stop barrages
I’ve painted the targets but I try to stay harnessed
And under control with my hands on the dials
As I face all these tests and these nerve bending trials
But control’s not my style, in the past I would lose it
I would flip every lid and then do something stupid
Another war waged out of anger and passion
Torn by the hate and it’s ways of attraction
I pray for distraction, I need it this moment
This rage is so tempting and so very potent
I’m twitching and zoned in on my retribution
A share of the venom and of my destitution
It’s my best solution, the only thing that I know
To give back the pain from the sting that I own
I’d bring it all home and hand you the suit case
Then strangle you up with my own fucking shoe lace
Cause it’s not a new case, but a stored up reaction
Calm fades to black as I hear of your actions
And my satisfaction can be found in the violence
At the hands of the man who had tried to be silent
But I won’t regress there, this will not break me
I’ll say what I say. When I say it, you’ll hate me
And then you can take me for all that I am
The guy in control of the mind of this man
Cooling Nutrition
13 years ago
by bangbang023
in poems
Cooling Nutrition (5/19/2008)
The walls are creeping in and there’s no one around me
The nightmares began in the moment they found me
Held me down, bound me, and broke down the mind
Not letting me go while there’s hope down inside
And I know that the light could chase them forever
But the darkness is here and we lay here together
Melded and tethered with a bond still unsevered
It seems to be random, but I think that it’s measured
Cause nothing is feathered, it’s harsh and uncaring
As it flows through the mind of the heart that it’s tearing
The pictures it’s sharing can tug on these strings
And make me afraid of the love that this brings
But, enough, I can’t breathe, I need to escape this
It’s not what I asked for and I can not take this
I’m losing my patience, I need some assistance
Right when I lose it, she hears and she listens
Just soothing the symptoms and removing the visions
The sound of her voice is a cooling nutrition
Calm for a soul that has cracked under stresses
And peace for a mind as it deals with these messes
Cause I’ve a confession, I’m weak in the darkness
In the youth of the night, I can’t seem to part this
But, please, disregard this, cause now I have help
From the girl, here with me, who can leave it all quelled
Notes: Slowly, but surely, getting it back.
Music, music everywhere
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in journal
This is going to be a good year for music. If you like the kind of music that I like, you have quite a bit to look forward to. It’s a much needed reprieve from the slightly lacking year we had in 2007 (wasn’t as bad as it could have been). What’s coming out this year? Well, here’s a few that I’m looking forward to:
- Staind – No title yet
- Smile Empty Soul – No title yet
- Disturbed – “Indestructible”
- Weezer – “Weezer (Red Album)”
- Earshot – No title yet
Not bad, right? I’m especially anxious to hear the new work from Staind and Smile Empty Soul since they are numbers one and two, respectively, on my list of favorite bands.
What about you guys and girls? Anything you’re looking forward to that you want to bring some attention to? Leave a comment below and let us all know about it.
Painted Weak
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in poems
Painted Weak (5/14/2008)
I wonder what you think when you’re reading all these lines
When you’re hanging on the vibe of this analyzing mind
When my pride is on the line and it’s right before your eyes
Do you understand that I don’t exaggerate or lie?
That it’s really simply fine for me to show my emotions
Exposing them all in the struggle to control them
Do you think that I should hold them and concentrate the weakness?
Am I painted weak by this humbleness and meekness?
Cause it’s become my thesis that laying out the pieces
Builds a certain view of me that contradicts completeness
And creates a partial view of a battle that is ceaseless
And misconstrues the facts and paints me into weakness
But underneath the reasons and the battles that I write out
Lies the spirit of a fighter and you can not put the light out
Just because I lie down and attempt to rest these nerves
Doesn’t mean you’re seeing everything when I vent these words
But I guess it seems absurd to assume you’re seeing past this
After all, I have these walls, and a tendency to mask this
I’m taking all my lashes and storing negativity
It’s propane for the fire that I use to burn what’s given me
Cause every day it lives in me and waits for me to call it
A viciousness and anger that will pick up all the fallen
Puzzles once completed will be shattered by the fury
You can call me weak, but the mirror is my jury
Notes: On the technical side of things, it’s not my strongest piece, but I haven’t written in a while and wanted to get something down. As for the meaning, I simply wonder if the fact that I write about my emotions in my poetry causes people to assume I’m weak.
Desperate Election
03 years ago
by bangbang023
in poems
There’s two sides to this that have begged for attention
One has maturity and one no disgression
Their suggestions are based on emotions and lessons
And pure blinding hatred that comes with this tension
At the mention of fighting, I’m left in suspension
As they argue their points for this head’s best direction
A chance for perfection or a test of intention?
Which do I choose in this desperate election?
As I’m left in retention, feeling my chest swell
The shadows can tempt, but I know it’s a death knell
The king, as his head fell, beneath his own crown
She’s helped pick me up each time I go down
And that’s why I know now that I need to be peaceful
Honest and truthful and calm, not deceitful
Forget being evil for these lambasting people
Let go of the poison and the venomous needle
And return back to gleeful and happy and loving
Nobody can break this, their words all mean nothing
It’s not fear that directs, but a choice to be better
For the love that I have that keeps this boy together
She heals this void so much better than the hatred of old
She gives me this warmth when I’m broken and cold
She’s the reason I’m calm and won’t bow down to violence
I’ll be peaceful, respectful, but I will not be silent
Cause I’ll come to your island, I’ll take up the moment
I’ll make sure my words are pure honest and potent
I’ll show some respect, but I’ll draw out the lines
And leave you to ponder these thoughts from my mind
Notes: I can’t let the blind anger guide me. I need to be better for her and I know this, now, because of her.
Lose a comment?
13 years ago
by bangbang023
in general
Well, it seems as though my anti-spam plugin is a little aggressive at times. A few legitimate comments were caught in the nets and I only now discovered them. Poor Murkey (a frequent visitor) had three of his set for deletion.
If you post a comment and don’t see it on the site, get in touch with me and let me know, please. I’ll find it and set it to approved. The plugin is a learning plugin so it should, over time, get the idea and let your stuff through automatically.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Transitional Words
13 years ago
by bangbang023
in poems
In this time as I transition and step off the precipice
It can be hard to stay so level and never question this
Have I invented this as way to handle problems
Or can it be much more after I have gone and solved them?
Cause I was on the bottom and was drowning in the apathy
Alcohol and scars replaced the thoughts of living happily
And in that time of tragedy, I could light up all these pages
As though the flow were airborne and highly damn contagious
But the hatred in my veins was a venom to be taken
Corroding every source of my strength when I was breaking
I was sitting, facing pain and the anger it was laced with
Apathy, not patience, was the way I chose to face it
And it got me no where racing, spinning every wheel again
Numbness, my acquaintance, it’d never let me feel again
It’d never let them steal again and take away what mattered
Nothing was much better than a something that was shattered
But that pattern has been breaking, I’m no longer feeling battered
You can hear the chitter chatter of my heart beat’s pitter patter
I now sit atop the ladder and can see how much I’ve risen
And maybe it’s not wrong to write thanks for what I’m given
Cause my vision has been altered, it’s complete without division
I’m wholly seeing her and this heaven that I sit in
This sunny world I live in can inspire in it’s own way
And I wouldn’t give it up for the fire, simply no way
I’ll aspire, in my own way, to always be a better writer
To be a better son, better boyfriend, better fighter
And you’ll never see me tire or fall backwards to the fire
These words will find their place cause I won’t let them retire
Notes: As I’ve become content with life, I’ve found it hard to get worked up enough about anything to write. Truth is, I can write about negative feelings very well, but happiness is really new to mean and I’m always afraid of being too cheesy with it or lacking any real depth. This is me discussing my struggle.