Xpression.v2

A Letter To…Maria (2/7/2008)

I’ve been putting this off so I could try to escape it
I hate it and, honestly, I would love to erase it
The pages I wasted while I sat in complacence
I was so dedicated, but your lips were so tasteless
And I couldn’t face this, the truth and the basis
That you came to me when there were no other faces
But then you replaced it when you took what was taken
I was left in the dark with the confusion and hatred
And I hated those places, the ones where I waited
Alone with the thoughts with which I often debated
I was lost and so jaded, down and never elated
Yet, I refused to give up and let it all turn to faded
But, now, I stand here unwavered with a strength in my soul
These words help console the sting that’s left from the hole
And I hope that you know that I can cope with the toll
I can stand here beside this and maintain all control

The words I don’t know, but the ones that I’ll say here
I hope they approach you in a way that will stay clear
I speak with no hate here, just a certain collectiveness
And I will be honest so I know that you’re getting this
Cause I’ve been wanting to vent this and make it all certain
That behind every flaw I had and behind every curtain
My purpose was driven by the fact that I liked you
And I was hoping to find out everything that we might do
But then I would fight you when you threw up the walls again
I would always imagine that you would love when I’d fall again
Yet I would answer the phone every time that you’d call again
And then I would curse you every time that you’d stall again
But, that wasn’t all, my friend, only now do I see it
That I knew that it wouldn’t work and I truly believed it
But when another girl would come and I needed a reason
I would use you to run to, the excuse that I needed

I really don’t exactly know what else I should say
So, I will end it with this and then I will go on my way
You and I were so similar, we were exactly the same
And maybe that’s the reason that you pushed me away
Still, I know through the pain and eternal confusion
In spite of stupidity and perhaps in delusion
I know I was good for you and maybe you knew it
And it would have been perfect if you would only go through it

Notes: I said I wanted to write about this to, hopefully, close that chapter of my life. I’m not even sure she’ll ever read this, but at least I said it.

Filed under: Poems