Hard to Breathe
Hard to Breathe (2/1/2008)
There’s just too much of this shit trapped inside my mind
And I need to let it go so I can try to be alright
So let it cause a fight and let everybody leave me
Cause this weight upon this chest just makes it hard for breathing
It’s deceiving how these people always need to see me
When their problems have arisen and suddenly they need me
Cause every one was leaving and they were left for freezing
Though Chris will make it better and he’ll make it all go easy
But it’s sleazy and so selfish and I couldn’t make this clearer
This mirror has been breaking the more that you nearer
Do I steer or let go and return to being lonely?
Cause if I don’t have the answers, then nobody will know me
And I’m hoping it’s not showing, all this jealousy and envy
Weight is heavy in this silence and I pray that it won’t get me
I hate that it can tempt me to walk away from love again
But you always lay it on me when I’m afraid to trust again
So I might as well fuck up again and explain a little bit
That I want to know about you, I still do and always did
But, in honesty, I’m sick of pretending it won’t bother me
I can’t grin and bear it cause then it will move on with me
And every day you’re gone from me, I sit and think about it
The numbers of the people and yet I’m the one who’s doubted
I’m astounded by the fact that I can be so strong for you
But is weakness here acceptable or am I simply wrong for you?
Notes: I was going to write one more stanza about Maria, to sort of close that chapter, but I’m too tired and I’m still not sure what I want to say. I just thought it would be better to end it there and then explain the abrupt ending in these notes.
Filed under: Poems