Archive for January, 2008

Cold “Stupid Girl” Video

3
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

This was one of those bands that I didn’t appreciate when I first discovered them, but now I do. Of course, they’re not longer together because they never really caught on as well as they should of.

Anyway, my question to you guys and girls, after watching the video: If you were in the video, whose name would you write on your sign? Mine would definitely have to be Maria.

Supposed To Do

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Supposed To Do (1/11/2008)

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Should I back away or stay close to you?
Do you need to breathe a bit without me?
Do you need to see you don’t have to doubt me?
Cause I just don’t know what move to make
And I can not help if you don’t explain
My head is swimming, my thoughts aren’t straight
My chest is wrought with the stress I take
And, at best, I wake with vision blurry
It’s in my heart to listen, worry
If this can’t hurry, then I’ll take my time
But I need to know what’s on your mind
And I need to know that you’ll be fine
That you’re stronger still, okay inside
I want to know you don’t hate this line
I don’t want to see you say goodbye
But these lines, they just don’t matter
They really don’t, I’m just so shattered
Caught off guard by the way you shut down
I’m so in pain, but I won’t give up now
But I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Do you really want me close to you?
I just hope for truth exposed by you
Of what you hold that’s cold to you

Notes: I think this is what I wanted “Short, Simple, and Confused” to be.

Short, Simple and Confused

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Short, Simple and Confused (1/11/2008)

The air is cold, but we’re both right here
And I’m not alone when I hold you near
I’ll hold our pain til I drown in fear
For just one day without those tears
But nothing’s clear and nothing’s easy
When your words just stop and leave me
What is wrong and what’s the feeling?
What’s been done to leave you reeling?
Cause what it’s stealing is so precious
The light and fire for this message
The calm to get us through these messes
The crane to lift off all our stresses
The strength to stand when life tests us
And the will to sleep when we’re restless
Why’s it left us? Where’s it gone to?
I want to help because I want you

These words are short and so damn simple
Confusing thoughts caught in a riddle
How to help when outside the middle?
When not allowed inside a little
My mind can twiddle and drift away
But I won’t let it split today
I want to help you, I want to be there
Because one time we said that we care

Notes: The most simplistic piece I’ve written in a long time. It won’t amaze anyone with it’s words or style, but sometimes it’s not about being flashy.

When I Hear It

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

When I Hear It (1/10/2007)

I put up with a lot and I gladly carry the burden
Though it’s burning my nerves, making me feel so uncertain
So, please close the curtain and let me deal with my hurting
Cause I’m a flawed individual, with disaster I’m flirting
It doesn’t matter, I’m swerving, while my stomach is churning
My inside’s in knots again and it feels so unnerving
And I’m labeled deserving by the guy in the mirror
And it couldn’t be clearer as I lean a bit nearer
That I love her and fear her, but I want to get near her
The strength in her eyes and the warmth when I hear her
I want to guide her and steer her to her personal bliss
I had the nerves for a kiss and then I learned what I missed
It’s so absurd to admit, but she let it flood back again
Warmth to a heart that got it back on the track again
A beat in my chest and a reason to crack again
Break open the shell until every nerve snaps again
It’s great to be back again, but there’s a catch to this feeling
Because the smile and warmth, the very act of revealing
Can be a hazard to self if you’re hacking and stealing
It’s paranoia to some, but it’s a crack in my ceiling
And it’s the path I’m concealing and the road that I’m hiding
I will figure this out and then expose why I’m smiling
Because this note that I’m writing, the very essence and spirit
Is the strength that’s received from your voice when I hear it

Notes: This was supposed to be a frustrated poem, but it turned out really different, obviously. I think it’s pretty easy to see it turn after a few lines as my new found optimism kicked in. It’s one day. One moment. It’ll be ok. On a side note, rhyming wise, this is one of my best in a while.

Bricks Will Scatter

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Bricks Will Scatter (1/8/2008)

It’s really not a secret that I carry all my issues
Dealing with the chaos while whispering ‘I miss you’s
Attachment can be burdensome if you aren’t ready
Cause it calls you to be strong and elegant and steady
And the weight can feel so heavy when it’s packed upon your shoulders
But with compassion in your heart, it’s hard to grow much colder
So, close your eyes and hold her and remember why you stand here
Then look into her eyes and tell the world to stand clear
Cause your walls will crumble, the bricks will all be scattered
The image of your shell will topple ’til it shatters
And everything that matters will be left there in the rubble
Breathing in the warmth of the love that’s free from trouble
And, sure, you both may stumble, nothing’s ever perfect
But, for the time it lasts, I can promise that it’s worth it
Feeling love and purpose while being lifted by her presence
Is enough to wake you up and make you understand the lessons

I speak to you with knowledge of these complicated feelings
It’s difficult to grasp them cause the knowledge can be fleeting
With so many people cheating, you may come across temptation
But, just push it to the side and just seek determination
Cause who needs this hesitation? Don’t heed to complications
Try to take the risk and you’ll reach these elevations
And I know it might not last and the odds say you’ll get hurt
But there’s value in the present, in her eyes and in her words
I know it’s so absurd for me to recommend exposure
But I’ll have it while I can and it started when I told her

Notes: Even though logic says this will not end favorably, I’m going to enjoy it while I can and try every day to prove that there’s something more to life than just the facts.

Not Hard To Forget

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Not Hard To Forget (1/7/2008)

The more that I think, the more that it eats me
The way, that all day, you thought you could treat me
I’m trying my best and I’m trying in earnest
To make you forget, to make you feel hurtless
Is that even a word? Fuck, this one can slide
I’ve got too many thoughts to deal with inside
I’m not talking from pride, but from this disappointment
When every thing said gets ignored and disjointed
And it’s so damn annoying, as it pounds in my chest
This isn’t so easy, but I’m giving my best
If this is a test, I’ll use heart and not head
But the brain is on fire as I take in this breath

Now, the air cools my lungs, it’s not hard to forget
That I need to be strong because this is my mess
I’ll give you my best, so please excuse weakness
A moment of doubt and I know you don’t need this
But I’m searching for pieces, I’m clawing for something
I’m looking around, but the floor’s good for nothing
My words are not helping, I’m letting you down
I hate that I fail when I feel this heart pound
But the truth must resound that I’m trying my hardest
To keep my composure and pureness in target
My instincts say fight, but the heart says protect
And it hurts I’m not close cause I’m so far instead
But, the scars will all mend, I swear it, I promise
There’s strength in your beauty, I’m just being honest
One day I’ll help, I will be there one day
I just pray to the sky that I won’t be too late

Notes: Thrown together quickly, just to vent some steam and remind myself that I need to stay strong and determined. It’s not the best piece ever, but I’m ok with it.

My Source

2
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

My Source (1/6/2008)

I have so much to say but no place to say it
Some take offense and some just can’t take it
Some of it’s nice and some’s laced with hatred
But, most of it’s love spread on these pages
And I’m practicing patience, I’m biting my tongue off
While asking just what I have possibly done wrong
I listen to dumb songs and immerse in these thoughts
Remembering smiles, but it hurts that we lost
The spark that we had, the one moment of bliss
When I wasn’t afraid, I was brave like a kid
Forgetting the world and conceding to beauty
Wait, take a breath, I know what I’m doing
I’m not here for guilt, I’m not writing agenda
But last night was tough, my heart’s in the blender
And I need this to think and then write it away
Or at least jot it down and somehow right the pain
But I’ll remain strong, I will bleed from my lips now
Holding back words with the fear that they’ll slip out
It’s against my own nature, but I’ll do what I have to
‘Til it’s all purged away and allowed to just pass through
And then if I have you or at least your attention
I’ll lay it all out, but with care and disgression
This hyper retention of thoughts can consume me
But I’m determined to win, the source can be soothing
Cause it all stems from you, this blanketing blurring
Vision’s obscured, but the world keeps on turning
I’m stronger than shown, I’m tougher than thought
I’ll exhibit my strength, to you, my own source

Notes: I’m hoping it exhibits the calm, determined exterior I’m trying to maintain while, perhaps, beneath the surface, things are a little more chaotic.

Jealousy and Weakness

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Jealousy and Weakness (1/5/2008)

This pressure on my chest can be so hard to bear now
Sometimes I just wish I would no longer care now
Never long for your smile and never dream of your kiss
Not once thinking of all the good times I miss
Cause with the good comes the bad, it tends to envelope me
I get uncomfortably weak and consumed by the jealousy
Not the kind based in anger, but the one based in fear
The type of emotion that brings clenching and tears
As I grip at my chest and try to convince me
That it’s more than a word when she said that she missed me
I look back at my history and fear where I’m heading
This should only be joyous, but it feels so upsetting

It’s much worse to admit it, I don’t want to scare her
So I face it alone, it’s not easy but fairer
Just leave it on me as I struggle to fight this
It keeps bringing me down til my words become lifeless
But, I need to keep trying, I need to get through this
I just need the strength to be there and prove this
I’m more sane than I am and much stronger for you
I’ll wait here for years or much longer for you
But this truth isn’t easy, I just hate to admit it
I’m jealous and weak and I live with this sickness
I run from the fights and I hide from connection
I struggle with life as I look for direction
But I’m trying my hardest, even in silence
I’m fighting for you, your beauty and vibrance
I’m fighting for me, in spite of my weakness
I’m jealous and scared, but one day I’ll beat this
And then you will see this, the man that’s inside me
The guy filled with love that’s been there, but hiding
Just smiles, no crying, just a hug and a kiss
A hand there for you, I can promise you this
I will always stand strong, I will always respect you
I’ll do what I can when I need to protect you
I’ll hold you and watch as your beauty envelopes me
And lifts me above my weakness and jealousy

In These Pages

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

In These Pages (1/4/2008)

There’s just something about taking the pen to the page
Or the hand to the keyboard, in this modern day age
Thinking what I should say before I go on and spill it
Then I’ll fill it all up, I’ll either bomb it or kill it
I can feel it, either way, the pull that grabs at my chest
It’s a few hours or days until it builds to a test
And I can never give less than every feeling I hold
I don’t care if it’s cliched or tired or old
Cause the cold can be stressful, it can wear on a soul
These are words from the spirit instead of flesh from the bone
Both can leave holes, though, I feel safe and at home
When the adrenaline hits me as the pages take mold
From the patience I sold and the pain that I bought
I can’t do what I’m told and I forget what I’m taught
This here is my place and a way to stay open
To expose what I hold cause this page is a potion
Some would say it’s the notion of artistic expression
But it’s too raw and too broken to be a heartless direction
If you take apart imperfection, you’d find every last secret
It’s all in these pages, locked in sight where I keep it
Cause I have my demons and my love and my questions
I have it all here within these rhythmic suggestions
These pieces of self that I pour into these pages
Nine different reasons that my love meets with hatred

Dancing With Calamity

0
4 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Dancing With Calamity (1/1/2008)

Maybe I’m delirious or perhaps I like to swear a lot
I’m always going crazy and then tearing out my hair a lot
I wonder if I care or not. Is this fucking worth it?
I’m loosing bits of cool as I star inside the circus
What’s the purpose of the torment? What’s the cause to this effect?
I’m only being who I am with more and never less
Yet, I’m screaming from my chest with these scars upon the cavity
I’m fluent in this comedy, but I’m failing in this tragedy
I’m sailing with calamity and crashing to the sea shore
I tumble to the answers and still I can not be sure
It only bothers me more to find another question
I’m bending under pressure and I’m snapping under tension
Cause my impression was simplicity, but I thought it up illicity
Fate had another process and it really fucking sickens me
Reality is hitting me and doubts are there to bludgeon
Fuck every damn good feeling cause they’re really hard to govern
And I’m really kind of stubborn, I’m so god damn pessimistic
I already know the answer but I will not fucking listen
And right here in this instant, the change of pace will shake me
But I’m tired of the agony, so I will not let it break me
So take me to the padded walls, labeled with insanity
Let me dance here with confusion and prance here with calamity
The heart is such a prison when you let somebody in it
Praying some is left when they say they’re fucking finished

Notes: Just me approaching the mess I always create when I have something as good as this going for me. I’ve spent the past few poems letting myself drown in sadness, and I wanted to approach it differently. It’s almost as though I’m fed up with myself and my routine. I want to be better and not just for myself.

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