World Could Hate Me
World Could Hate Me (1/30/2008)
I’m feeling so tired as thoughts wear my mind out
Screams kept inside where nobody can find out
Admissions of weakness, the weight keeps on building
Words never spoken until they have killed me
Cause life has just filled me with so many riddles
I hold so much pain, but I show just a little
I’m caught in the middle of love and the hatred
Unspoken thoughts that have never seen pages
But, I’m losing patience, I don’t want to hold this
I’m ready to snap, but I don’t want to blow this
I try to be strong, but I can not control this
It’s best to let go and just pray it’s not hopeless
It starts on the outside with roots in her beauty
Doubts of my own that are flowing right through me
I see every picture in this light of reflection
But what does she see? It’s just my imperfection
A broken down smile and eyes that are weary
Windows to lies that are cold, never teary
Emotionless holes that conceal every feeling
Exposing a soul that is battered and kneeling
Praying to God for a whole new persona
Wishing she’d know that I just want to hold her
And crying inside that I want to look better
While fighting the mind that says I can’t get her
Beyond the facade lie the doubts of a heart
That is scared to believe and afraid to restart
It’s been tattoo’ed with scars that can swell in disgust
And make me afraid of this love and this trust
They’re wounds that can cut and alter a mind set
There’s so much to lose and she’s not even mine yet
I think that she’s true and pray she’s not lied yet
Cause so many have, though I’ve not seen the signs yet
But I am reminded of every past failing
The times that I trusted and thought it was sailing
When derailing lies would crush me and break me
And make me believe that the whole world could hate me
Notes: It’s about the doubts I have concerning who I am, inside and out. Maybe it’s a bit vain to think about it, but I’m being honest here. As for the poem itself, I struggled and bit and actually deleted another 12 lines because I think it’s better to end abruptly than use filler content that really doesn’t contribute to the feeling of the piece.
Filed under: Poems