Xpression.v2

Sharing These Lessons (1/24/2008)

These are my words to you, but for the world to read
An explanation of things that should be heard and seen
I’m typing nervously, I kind of have to admit it
But I will keep typing until I’m happy and finished
It’s a tragedy, listen, and there’s also heroics
A tale of this dreamer in the words of this poet
Things felt so hopeless and I caved to the pressure
Beneath all the rubble and the weight of the lectures
My ways weren’t measured, I’d emote without thinking
Out of control and I’d know the sound sinking
The walls falling in as I would turn to the blade
It’s a nervous cliche, but I would turn to the pain
And I would hurt me the same, but keep it external
Scars on the arm unlike the soul that’s eternal
Sleeves left to cover the wounds of the battle
While I wore the facade of the cool and unrattled
But a fool in the saddle, I was losing my mind
Blood for the world and the bruising inside
A shoulder’s been lost to display all that pain
And that was the cost to still stay the same

It’s been over four years, though, since I’ve made a scar
I’m so fucking weak, but I’ve still come so far
I’ve lost from the heart and put up my walls
Bricks to protect, but one’s that should fall
I’ve been breaking it all, I’ve been making this better
That moment you called placed the dream of together
My engine had stalled, but now it’s all moving
A heart beat inside to ignite what I’m doing
And I find your eyes soothing, there’s beauty in there
That’s why I do what I do, it’s because that I care
And the cause of that care is the love that I feel
And because I’m not there, the words must be real
So I’ll tell you the deal when I think that you’re wrong
I respect you so much, so I know I’ll be strong
Some things that you do, I just don’t agree with
It’s not that I’m mad or an asshole to be with
It’s just that I see this and know it won’t help you
The chaos of life and temptation it sells you
The pain that I fell through, I pray it won’t find you
I’d much rather lose you than see it inside you
So I’ll be there beside you, for strength when you need it
With love and respect and the heart there beneath it
I hope that you see this. I hope you believe it
I hope that you know that this love is the reason
That I won’t be leaving, I’ll stay with you, waiting
Helping you through all your sadness and hating
Enjoying the smiles and I’ll never give up
On getting you through or the love that’s within us

Notes: This is a retelling of a conversation I had a few nights ago. Basically, I just want her to find her happiness and I know that sometimes I’ll have to say things she maybe doesn’t want to hear, but it’s because I care for her and I’d much rather risk screwing things up with her than bite my tongue and watch her go through some of the bad things I had to go through. I want her to be happy, with or without me.

Filed under: Poems