Jealousy and Weakness
Jealousy and Weakness (1/5/2008)
This pressure on my chest can be so hard to bear now
Sometimes I just wish I would no longer care now
Never long for your smile and never dream of your kiss
Not once thinking of all the good times I miss
Cause with the good comes the bad, it tends to envelope me
I get uncomfortably weak and consumed by the jealousy
Not the kind based in anger, but the one based in fear
The type of emotion that brings clenching and tears
As I grip at my chest and try to convince me
That it’s more than a word when she said that she missed me
I look back at my history and fear where I’m heading
This should only be joyous, but it feels so upsetting
It’s much worse to admit it, I don’t want to scare her
So I face it alone, it’s not easy but fairer
Just leave it on me as I struggle to fight this
It keeps bringing me down til my words become lifeless
But, I need to keep trying, I need to get through this
I just need the strength to be there and prove this
I’m more sane than I am and much stronger for you
I’ll wait here for years or much longer for you
But this truth isn’t easy, I just hate to admit it
I’m jealous and weak and I live with this sickness
I run from the fights and I hide from connection
I struggle with life as I look for direction
But I’m trying my hardest, even in silence
I’m fighting for you, your beauty and vibrance
I’m fighting for me, in spite of my weakness
I’m jealous and scared, but one day I’ll beat this
And then you will see this, the man that’s inside me
The guy filled with love that’s been there, but hiding
Just smiles, no crying, just a hug and a kiss
A hand there for you, I can promise you this
I will always stand strong, I will always respect you
I’ll do what I can when I need to protect you
I’ll hold you and watch as your beauty envelopes me
And lifts me above my weakness and jealousy
Filed under: Poems