Scatter Brained Admittance
Scatter Brained Admittance (12/15/2007)
I try to hide the thoughts that are bothering me
But the more that I try to, the harder it seems
I waste away the day completely consumed in it
Running in circles and there’s really no use in it
I hate that there’s truth in it, I’m ashamed of the facts
That I could open the doors and just get so attached
I laid out the tracks, but it’s left me derailed
Unable to change all the ways that I’ve failed
And the pages are stale and it’s all repetition
When I get used to a presence, it’s like an addiction
A recycled affliction that strains every nerve
And makes me believe that the pain is deserved
God, I hate every word, but I’m needing to vent this
I’ve already lost days while I’m trying to get this
In every damn sentence, in every damn image
I see the same thing and the thought is not finished
I’m down and I’m listless and I’m losing my sanity
Lost in the ways of the essence and vanity
Externally precious and the inner’s near perfect
So why the hell do I feel so secluded and nervous?
But, fuck it, it’s worth it, I’ll battle this daily
If it means I can smile and cease with the failing
But it doesn’t make sense and I’m losing my mind now
I can’t shake away the truths that I find out
The horrible facts of the life that I live in
Nothing’s specific and nothing is given
Internal confusion that I carry inside of me
Tucked far away in the man that I try to be
Like gray in the sky to see, I’m behind all the clouds
But the light that I see tends to bring it all out
With walls coming down, an internal admission
That you’re all that I see and I love every vision
Notes: I’ve had a hard time catching a beat to write to, but something’s been bothering me and I needed to vent it out, a bit. I think the lack of clarity in this piece is an exhibition of the confusion I’m dealing with while also being my way of dealing with this personally.
Filed under: Poems