Swimming to Clarity
Swimming to Clarity (9/30/2007)
I’m calm on the exterior, but outside I’m a liar
An exhibition of collectiveness, my mind is lit on fire
Stress levels lift me higher til I’m pressed against the ceiling
Til this thing I can’t explain is exactly what I’m feeling
Reeling from the pressure, I can feel it building in me
I’m try to breathe in deeply, let apathy come hit me
But swiftly lose the thought and mentally I’m twisting
A disruption of the balance that I try to fake within me
So back the fuck off, go away and leave me silent
Let me shut this down cause I’m afraid to fucking fight it
I’ve lost all sense of focus, a visionary blinded
By the springs inside his mind, the ones that come unwinded
I’m binded to the past, it’s impossible to lose it
All the pathways that I chose even though I didn’t choose it
Everybody just assumes that time will make things better
I don’t need to ever face it, let’s wait it out together
Let’s wait without a letter, don’t try to think about it
Go take another breath, Chris, when you want to scream about it
Don’t ever try to doubt it, please be more optimistic
Just loosen up your laces even if this knot is twisted
Your gifted and smart and not really bad to look at
A target for generics, the guy you throw the book at
I heard it all, I took that, I burned it all to ashes
I’m writing in this chaos, I’m an anarchist and fascist
I tend to be the fastest to the trigger when I lose it
Every day I wait around for you, I tend to feel more stupid
But every day I do it to the best of my ability
Excuse me Marianna, I have to go, you’re killing me
Just a joke, just silly me, your sweetest laugh is thrilling me
I’m swimming in these questions, but the dreams I have are filling me
I think I’m back from drilling me, I just had to let some steam off
You can win, I can lose, but the world will say that we lost
Notes: This one goes all over the place, but that’s sort of the purpose. To be honest, all weekend, I’ve felt really out of it and unable to focus. It just felt like there was something blocking everything else from getting through my brain. So, in frustration, I just started writing and hoped it would clear the clog. It did. The result, however, is a very loosely tied, random poem. I’m ok with that.
Filed under: Poems