Anesthesia
Anesthesia (9/11/2007)
I’ve written lots of chaos in the heat of the minutes
Impatiently racing to the scene of the finish
My self esteem diminished, no unity in this business
I keep falling to pieces when nobody sits to listen
This gift I’ve been given’s been a crutch I love to live with
Sometimes I think I broke it, but I don’t want to fix it
Cause every letter listens and these rhymes hear me out
And they clear these clouds from a mind filled with doubt
But sometimes I need to shout and throw a little hissy fit
A lot of times I curse simply to release this shit
I really do believe in this and cherish every sentence
It’s like an anesthetic that can numb me to these messes
Though it’s tough when you’re obsessed with and living in reliance
It’s not a simple switch that one should walk the line with
Sometimes I need to find it to only leave with emptiness
Which all tends to accumulate into a day of heaviness
And it’s hard to walk with steadiness in this effectuation
Fear becomes your conscience and tears your devastation
You live with hesitation and slowly turn invisible
Time’s the only cure now, there’s no one here to witness, though
To see you let the sickness go, to watch your re-emergence
That’s why I sit and ask myself if anybody’s heard this
Fear has left me nervous of the many things I don’t know
They say ‘ignorance is bliss’, though, and boy I really hope so
Notes: It’s about breaking the reliance on my writing to be my only source of ventilation. Had a pretty good conversation right before writing this.
Filed under: Poems