Xpression.v2

Optimism in Failure (9/10/2007)

I’m standing to the side outside of my own mind
Looking inside, pressing my face right to my eyes
I try to find just what I hide there deep behind
These nerve endings are knotted up so fucking tight
But I’m not looking for a fight, I’ve come here in peace
Let the bullshit cease, let’s talk and find release
Cause every time we meet, I’m always fighting for the minutes
I just said my hello and our time’s already finished
I feel so ripped off as though I am the victim
Except you’ll never notice cause you never really listen
My vision is blurred but I won’t stray from this mission
This is who I am now, so go fuck the pessimism
And fuck the stress I’m given, I no longer need it
I can write without it and I’m sure someone will read it
And let everybody see it, I’m never giving up now
I’ll break the beaten path and I do not give a fuck how

What now? Where can I possibly still take this?
I got something on my chest and it’s time I think I say this
Rejected, how I hate this, but it’s really not so bad now
I think it set me straight, it’s funny how it panned out
I’m not the guy who stands out, yet she somehow took some notice
Before I even realized, she became my only focus
I was going through the motions before I fucking struck out
Left screaming at myself, saying time to get the fuck out
With pride down and luck down and a spirit feeling battered
I turned to the voice of a past I thought was shattered
Breaking through the pattern was a little fucking difficult
A lot of fucking static, but I think I sort of missed it though
She wouldn’t stop and listen though until we both had lost it
That’s a lie, I snapped, while leaning over sink and faucet
Looking in the mirror, with my face pressed to my own eyes
Searching down inside for sign that things would go right
In reality, there’s no sign, there’s no damn indication
A risk is what it’s worth and and a chance at vindication
I still have hesitations when it comes to how I tell her
I’m a growing kind of guy and that’s the guy I’ll sell her

Notes: This one is rough, but an indication of the process I’m going through. I was going to be negative and condemning, then I just had a breath of air that let me refocus and find determination. So, instead of being negative, I decided to tell the story of my love life in the past 3 weeks, or so. It’s short, but to the point, once I get on topic.

Filed under: Poems