Xpression.v2

I’m tired of beating around the bush and not saying it directly, so let me just speak.

At work, I met a great girl named Lisa. She’s probably one of the nicest people I’ve met in a long time and as soon as I saw her smile, I was done lol. The problem, though, was with me. I don’t know what it was exactly, but I had a moment of snappage, got in touch with Maria and, you know, we had a discussion about what was holding me back. In all of this, though, I couldn’t find the courage the really make things roll with Lisa. I guess part of me felt like she was too good. Mean, seriously, in the course of like a week, we got close and then I let it end abruptly. I don’t know. I’m shy and a bit of a dick and not always the most fun person around, but I really enjoyed the few times her and I had together.

My problem is Maria, though. I’ve always liked her and, well, after having that discussion, it was inevitable we would keep talking. I let it get in the way even more, though. I’ve never been able to really get over her and I let my focus slip. I shouldn’t have, so it seems. She left me hanging, again, tonight and I’m really at a loss as to why.

Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to do at this point. I completely fucked things up with Lisa in, what would appear to be, record time. I’m kicking myself for that. Between my lack of any kind of balls when it comes to this stuff and letting Maria sway my attention, I really messed up my chances to at least find out if a really amazing girl liked me at all. The only good thing to come out of this, so far, is that I found the ability to open up and actually say this kind of shit again.

I know, I’m cursing a lot. I’m just not in an intellectual mood at the moment. I just wish I knew what to do to go back and focus on the right girl. I’m a guy, though, and, thus, I’m a fucking idiot.

Filed under: Journal