Archive for September, 2007

Swimming to Clarity (9/30/2007)

I’m calm on the exterior, but outside I’m a liar
An exhibition of collectiveness, my mind is lit on fire
Stress levels lift me higher til I’m pressed against the ceiling
Til this thing I can’t explain is exactly what I’m feeling
Reeling from the pressure, I can feel it building in me
I’m try to breathe in deeply, let apathy come hit me
But swiftly lose the thought and mentally I’m twisting
A disruption of the balance that I try to fake within me
So back the fuck off, go away and leave me silent
Let me shut this down cause I’m afraid to fucking fight it
I’ve lost all sense of focus, a visionary blinded
By the springs inside his mind, the ones that come unwinded
I’m binded to the past, it’s impossible to lose it
All the pathways that I chose even though I didn’t choose it
Everybody just assumes that time will make things better
I don’t need to ever face it, let’s wait it out together
Let’s wait without a letter, don’t try to think about it
Go take another breath, Chris, when you want to scream about it
Don’t ever try to doubt it, please be more optimistic
Just loosen up your laces even if this knot is twisted
Your gifted and smart and not really bad to look at
A target for generics, the guy you throw the book at
I heard it all, I took that, I burned it all to ashes
I’m writing in this chaos, I’m an anarchist and fascist
I tend to be the fastest to the trigger when I lose it
Every day I wait around for you, I tend to feel more stupid
But every day I do it to the best of my ability
Excuse me Marianna, I have to go, you’re killing me
Just a joke, just silly me, your sweetest laugh is thrilling me
I’m swimming in these questions, but the dreams I have are filling me
I think I’m back from drilling me, I just had to let some steam off
You can win, I can lose, but the world will say that we lost

Notes: This one goes all over the place, but that’s sort of the purpose. To be honest, all weekend, I’ve felt really out of it and unable to focus. It just felt like there was something blocking everything else from getting through my brain. So, in frustration, I just started writing and hoped it would clear the clog. It did. The result, however, is a very loosely tied, random poem. I’m ok with that.

Toxic Vessels (9/22/2007)

Kids pull up to the show with the button to explode
Remote controlled balls, but their brain is fucking slow
They’re trained to duck and go while they’re straining for a flow
Throwing down these curses cause their brains just wouldn’t grow
But it pains me to the soul, it’s not even worth admission
This edition of the battle deserves no recognition
Little kiddies bitching cause I left them standing speechless
Go repeat what I just said and then pick up all the pieces
It ceases to be fun when your words are all on leases
The least that you could do is recognize these demons
Pick them when you see them and then really go to town with
Though, you fell before you spoke and you really let me down, kid
And the pride is where I found it, still swelling in my vessels
Go nestle in the fact that the dust has gone and settled
But gone are sentimentals, just water in a kettle
Steam behind the mind of the words with which you wrestle
This vessel of delivery is marked as neurotoxic
A mind full of these boxes, safe but you unlocked it
You shocked it up from slumber, it’s impossible to stop it
The genius you awoke is applied in this adoption
Adaptation, whatever, it’s not even like you noticed
I knew it all along but now I wonder if you know this
The hunger that you seek to fill leads to your starvation
This is tongue in cheek, but still, it breeds your retardation

Disappointed Addict (9/19/2007)

I take a deep breath as I search for patience
Complications arise and I need this hesitation
A simple meditation as I try to face this
It’s hard to stay this way, help me, I hate this
So many faces spin webs of words I always put my faith in
Yet nothing ever happens, another night I stay in
Locked in my haven, this world I’m harshly tucked away in
The place I fall apart in, the room that I decay in
The bed that I still lay in, the air I always breathe in
I try to break away but I’m not allowed to leave it
Words said, but never kept, I still don’t know the reason
I believe them, the people I can always find deceit in
I have a secret, though, that’s tucked behind the smile
Kept like a file behind a door with a combination dial
I’m like a child with a pain but no words to express it
The quiet’s all I have, but it seems that you accept it
But it’s hard to keep in check with the stinging from the chest hit
You took the air right out of me, perhaps it’s me who’s reckless
Cause the lies I try to guess with will always lead to messes
Disappointment is the dream that I tend to go to bed with
But the hope you flood my head with is so god damn addictive
I’m not a victim, you’re the pill I love to scratch my itch with
It’s a shame I always listen every time you say I’ll see you
The addict’s who I am, but the dealer role would be you

Your Problem (9/14/2007)

You and me were so young, the outcome was predictable
There was nothing about us that was ever invincible
I’m not here to finish you or throw you to the way side
But your behavior of late, to be simple, just ain’t right
I’m just not the same guy, far from it, in honesty
The changes are subtle and it’s something you gotta see
I’m finding a side of me that is calm and collected
I can stand on my own while this helps keep me protected
I don’t think you respect it, but that’s not the message
Let’s take a step back and let’s both learn the lesson
I’m guessing that my words simply won’t get to you
It’s only really a hunch, but I think that I guess it’s true
But I know that the rest is true, that past we had both shared
I was stupid and silly and to this day you still don’t care
I try not to go there and ignore what had happened
So, why’d you have to attack me and my choices and actions?
Fine, I see it, this girl used to be your friend once
Maybe something had happened, maybe somebody said stuff
I don’t care for this head rush, I just want to be happy
So why would you attack her to throw it back at me?
Don’t you dare fucking slap me with your damn disrespect
This was six fucking years ago, what the hell you’d expect?
I stuck out my neck and I’ve found a great person
And yet I can’t even be nice, you have me shouting and cursing
And now you’re observing and making these comments
Fuck you Mrs. L, I’m getting sick of your nonsense
I’m not gonna stop this cause you have fucking issues
I’ll stand next to her and I won’t fucking miss you
But I won’t fucking diss you, I won’t stoop to the bottom
I’m too good for that now, it can be you and your problems
Go solve them and when you feel like every thing’s better
You can ask me if it worked out, if her and I are together

Controlled Chaos (9/14/2007)

I used to act on emotion, just find a flow that I’d go with
If I felt, I showed it. If I thought it, I told it
I didn’t try to control it, don’t fucking try to console it
Like a wave in the ocean, it was a rush when I rode it
And when I wrote it all down and it caused a commotion
Somebody else is pissed off now by the way I extolled it
These words are so damn strong, they can’t be broken or folded
These letters are like steel when you read it and hold it
But my focus was broken and I was told to conceal this
It’s ok if I feel this, but I shouldn’t always reveal it
Because people are sensitive when you’re brutally honest
These topics are making people sick ’til they vomit
Got it? You get it? Can you understand this position?
Listen mister, you need to make some better decisions
And refocus your visions with fine tuned precision
To avoid making a few people move a few inches
You’re always moaning and bitching, stop spreading the sickness
Don’t keep swinging the hammer to break through a skull’s thickness
This just isn’t a business, these are the lives that we live in
And maybe you should accept the good things you’ve been given

Listen, I get it, if it’s not good, don’t say it
But the silence is boring, it’s kind of hard to portray it
And this fucking complacence that everybody calls patience
It’s all a pain in my ass and now I’m starting to hate it
Cause my behavior and all the anger it’s seemingly laced with
Is a motivational force to elevate me to places
Way in outer spaces, where I can’t see your faces
Where I can sit on a storm cloud and burn through the pages
It’s outrageous to think how I followed your censorship
Fuck every mother fucker who would shit on these messages
The words you’ve been messing with depict all the endlessness
Of a soul’s drive to flourish and replace all the emptiness

From Dark to Light (9/12/2007)

The tools of my trade have changed through use and the days
I used to wade in a pool that was used to stew the pain
It would always prove insane, but I would use it anyway
The soothing decay of a fool consumed by hate
Cause soon I’d move away from the gloom into the rage
I assumed the flames would flood the grooves into my veins
I flew into the hate til it shroomed back into pain
That fucking sick cycle left no room to change the pace
Then the room began to cave and I felt the walls around me
Weight pounding on my shoulders, insanity surround me
Every thing was bouncing in a heart that’s loudly pounding
The air began to thin, the hate and pain had bound me
And now I find it all astounding when I take another step back
It’s amazing how I let that darkness build and get stacked
I want to yell “just get back”, but the past me wouldn’t get that
I had to fall apart and experience the set backs

The lesson of the story is to learn from when you’re failing
Arms flailing in the air as you tight rope on the railing
Hurt sailing to your lungs when you’re far behind and trailing
Is a lesson to be learned when your heart and mind are ailing
Cause it’s hard to start inhaling with a boulder on your chest
You’ve collected every mess and let it build into distress
But it’s best to let go and then focus on the rest
It’s the test of a man to turn failure to success
And when you get through all the stress and emerge from all the darkness
Regardless of the pain that you tried to start your heart with
The new vision that you start with will be better than expected
You’ll be directed on the path of a wise man with his lessons

Notes: Some one I know, who writes in a style like mine, had mentioned how she wanted to do an entire piece using one sound. While I don’t want to go that far, I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I’m capable of maintaining one sound over an extended number of lines instead of the usual two and half pattern I usually stick to. On the technical side of things, it’s a pretty good piece, IMO.