Archive for August, 2007

Overcomplicated Weakness (8/18/2007)

I have a million talking heads pointed at my ears
Addressing their conversation towards insanity and fears
While there’s no misguided jeers, there’s a lot of fucking pressure
To do well and be free and just listen to their lectures
They measure me, I’m measured, now here comes the lesson
I thought that if I listened, the stress I feel would lessen
But that wasn’t the message, did I tune you out too soon?
I forgot that I should mention my attention has no room
Now, discretion’s gone kaboom and everything has blown up
I’m back down on the floor when I really should have grown up
All the words I wrote up, now they’re back down on the page
And suddenly they lack the truth and sound of yesterday
Cause I found a place to play, come inside my head now
Don’t wander in too far kids or you’ll never ever get out
It’s a dark maze in a heart glazed by stupid fucking questions
Some of them are self served while the others are suggestions

Do I have all your attention? I’ve written out a speech
I’d love to read it back for you, just sit down in a seat
Let me just precede it by saying I’m imperfect
I’m working on the changes and believe that it’s all worth it
Now, I’m a little nervous, so excuse me if I stutter
Here I go for nothing, there’s no reason, rhyme, or other
I’ve recently discovered I’m obsessed with minor details
A text or call ignored is a way to say that “he failed”
The way she spoke in letter is the hand of mine that she nailed
Closing off the coffin is the only way to prevail
Hope is not my strong point, so how about some help now?
How about a simple smile that can help me get what’s felt out?
Cause once I get the swells out and settle in my center
I’ll be the first thank the lord for every day he sent her
It’s difficult to mess up with the simplest of deeds
Unless your name is Chris, the victim of weak knees

Notes: I tend to obsess over things that really don’t mean nothing. A unanswered text or two and I spin into chaos. That’s something I need to fix.

Turning Point (8/16/2007)

Who would have figured I’d be making this U-turn?
Unzip the lips and forget that the truth burns
Letting the proof churn had made me neurotic
I got it, I’ll try to pace it and watch it
But there’s a problem, people tend to be sensitive
They ask me to stay calm and beg me to censor it
I can’t get a sentence in, already you’re leaving
I guess if you don’t hear it, well, whatever the reason
I’m sick of the silence and eating the agony
I’d rather just say it and then let you be mad at me
It’s not what it has to be, but the choice has been made
I’m a guy with a temper and a little boy in the same

I was going insane until I finally lost it
Threw my keys on the dresser, my wallet, I tossed it
I clenched my fist up and took a kiss at the wall
I was confused and depressed, but pissed most of all
Cause the shit in these walls was making me distant
I had a world full of thoughts, but nobody to listen
Sitting there twitching, my mind’s always racing
Was I going crazy mumbling while I’m pacing?
The world felt so hazy, so I turned to my history
I chose her for a reason but that’s really a mystery
The words that she laid out, I most needed to hear
Like a jolt in the brain coming in the from both ears

Now everything is so clear, let’s turn up soundtrack
When the world comes to punch, I need to just pound back
Making the sound that will express what I’m thinking
Whether it’s down packed or I’m drowning and sinking
Cause once I had found that, I changed my position
I was falling behind but now I lead with conviction
This addiction should only act as a supplement
To the things that I say in peace and in suffrage
And I think I’m in love with it, though I’m slowly learning
Progress at any speed is simply better than hurting
I’ll fall on my face and probably fail a few times
But to live is to risk it, so let me say these few lines

Notes: Pretty straight forward piece. The last line refers to what I plan to say to someone the next time I get to spend some time with her. The line before that prefaces it all with my new found courage and my long lasting pessimism lol.

Talking to Myself (8/14/2007)

Look at you standing there, weak and pathetic
You see what you want but believe you won’t get it
At least you have said it and just can admit it
Go sit your ass down and forget it and quit it
Cause nothing can fix it, no one can make you
It’s every damn thought that you let fucking break you
You let this life take you and throw you around
A little wind blows and you go to the ground
You froze like a clown, you settled for distance
She’s standing right there, what’s with your resistance?
This pathetic insistance on being so nervous
Has led me to write and scream out these verses
And ream out with curses that bite and betray you
No one will help you and no one will save you
You’re all on own and it’s freaking you out
You’re too stupid and weak to see through the doubt

I can’t fucking help it, I just want to hit me
I can’t seem to find the courage within me
I’ve done this before, right in this position
And managed to fight away all these symptoms
But look at that smile, look at that sparkle
My legs aren’t moving, I’m shaking my heart full
I’m letting it get me and ruin the moment
Exactly the way I knew you’d be told it
I’m standing here frozen, I wish I could kiss her
But all that I’ve done has allowed me to miss her
And now I’m just pissed off, alone and retarded
I talk to myself cause I know what I started

Notes: Seriously, at this rate, I’m fucking it up royally. I’m really pissed at myself right now.

Everything I Found (8/12/07)

I tend to be the bearer of my negativity
But pretty imagery has come up to me and hit me
I think it’s pretty nifty, ok, I’m just kidding
I wouldn’t talk like that, but I feel a thing within me
It’s come up to me to spin me and send me head over heels
I like how it feels because her smile is real
Her company steals everything that’s grown to bug me
The weight is nothing, I just wish that she would hug me
Cause she’s so lovely, wait, before you all quit me
This isn’t generic, this is simply uplifting
When life ends up flipping and turning around
Her smile was there without a burden of doubt
And it struck me like “Wow, no way is that one for me”
I’m a silly little guy, ordinary and boring
I hear the audience snoring, but I feel so alive now
She makes me so nervous, I’ve been tearing my mind out
I try to play it cool so she doesn’t go and find out
But I think that she can see it, I let my nervous side right out
And even with all my doubts, I feel so optimistic
The double quarter pounder and Johnny Cash got right to business
It’s not making sense, is it? That’s another inside joke
It’s all we share in common, but the differences are hope
Cause everything I know and everything I wanted
Is nothing that I found, but I realize that I want it

Notes: I wanted to write something about my crush and all, but I wanted it to be a bit different than the stuff I wrote in the past since this entire situation is different and better. I threw in some light humor to lighten the mood and mix it up, a bit.