Archive for August, 2007

Recast Me (8/30/2007)

Insurmountable demons that flow through the blood stream
Trust me, these acid bastards don’t love me
They thrust me into the wall and they fuck me
Corrosive in nature, always thirsting and lusting
Now I’m busting out and tearing through my own seams
The screams, it seems, can penetrate my dreams
Left to fiend for the thing that eats me
Old habit, fall back at it, and let it beat me
As I let it sweep clean and erase all the progress
It’s nonsense, I wish to terminate this project
But not yet as these chains tear my veins
Bound by the fabrics that keep me insane
And I’m a slave to way that I feel so afraid
So I stay in place and let your face fade away
Today, I thought I’d know what to say
‘Til I swallowed the silence and let thoughts fray, decay
And the day stayed the same as a thousand odd others
I’ve discovered that I always portray the same colors
Black and gloom and gray sprays the panes
A frame full of hate to be taken away
And I will hate me today, but tomorrow’s another
A new chance to stand tall and recast my color
The past is a stutter, one false, broken start
And I will take it apart and let hope stroke my heart
And I will uphold the part the keeps me here breathing
To unfold the scars that leave me here screaming
It’s a work in progress to recast the mind set
I hope I can solve this, though the goal isn’t mine, yet

Notes: On the technical side of things, this is one of my best pieces in a while. As for the subject matter: I should have called her today and invited her over. I waited too long and wound up falling asleep. I’m disappointed in myself and pretty pissed off about it, but I know I have to remain optimistic that I can over come my issues over time. Yeah, I’m being optimistic. I told you I was taking these changes seriously.

Searching Through The Light (8/27/2007)

Another morning greets me with these bags beneath my eyes
My feet hit the ungrateful floor, the light penetrates my mind
I let out a dreary sigh and convince myself to do this
To drag myself into the world and pray the day will soothe this
But damn I feel so stupid, I put myself in this position
I’m already twenty-three and I’m swimming in contrition
A little optimism’s what it says on this prescription
I know her words are innocent, but why’d I choose to listen?
And as I ready for this mission, I’m filled with many questions
I repeat the thoughts inside myself and take in these suggestions
Slowly reading through this message, while I’m staving off this tension
I pray her words will penetrate and allocute retention
And allow me to dispense with the fright that leaves me frozen
A prompt to show me where to lean and balance what I’m holding
I’m performing without knowing and it hangs on every fiber
The new me yearns to taste her while the old me wants to fight her
But that shadow is so tired and that path’s become too hopeless
So, now I stand outside the shell to understand what’s broken
Her intuition holds me even when she sits in silence
I guess a light of any kind is a needed self reminder
So I dream to spark the fire, to kindle what I search for
I try to lay down on the line and take the risk that’s worth more
Another work in progress in a world of many theories
I want to say just what I want, but I’m scared to say it clearly
And I care cause she can’t hear me, is this microphone still working?
I hope there’s someone in the crowd that still believes I’m worthy
Is there anyone observing? This light is very blinding
The perfection I am searching for is right out there, just hiding

Notes: I’m worried that this one is more cliche than I expected it to be, so I’m not even sure it’s worth saving. I just wanted to subtly depict how I feel like the spotlight is on me because of all the change I’m trying to obtain. Meanwhile, with all those eyes on me, I’m just hoping she’s in the crowd, taking note of my effort.

Rambling On About You (8/26/2007)

I’m going to take a moment to put the jokes on the side
I’m sitting here thinking with these tears in my eyes
My pride’s on the side and I’m out of my mind
Let me speak from my heart, whether for wrong or for right
Cause I hide my whole life behind this lone disguise
I strike up these fights so that I feel alright
I guess I’m the kind of guy who relies on control
I hate what I don’t know and that hate digs a hole
And it can take away the soul and leave me here shaken
Obsessing over the little things that you’ve taken
But I’m so mistaken, I forget what you’ve given me
Those times that I wish that you could have been with me
Standing by my side, understanding what I hide
Two people together there staring into the light
Living a life that is filled with uncertainty
Making mistakes with you, seeing you learn with me
Facing this nervously, but having you there beside me
Giving me a strength that was never inside of me
And everything that I try to be is all that I can be
Courageous and strong, well, do you understand me?
I know that you can’t see everything I am thinking
It’s hard to read my eyes while I’m nervously blinking
It’s a stupid reaction to the fact that I feel this
If you would call me right now, I’d go and reveal this
There’s something about you, it’s your obvious ways
The chaos you give me, while I feel I’m okay
I want you stay so that I could just say this
But you hung up and left me so I guess I can save it
And I’ll be scared when I face it, I’ll fear the whole moment
It’s something I can’t predict, I can’t reason and know it
But facing my fear for you is something that’s worth it
Though, regardless of the time, I’ll be anxious and nervous

Notes: Just had one of those moments where I lost it a bit. In this one, I address my fear of not knowing how things will end up and being scared to make a move simply because I can’t predict the outcome. The title? Well, I guess after writing the whole piece (which is a bit rough in terms of syllabolic patterns), I realize I was rambling on about one person in particular.