Archive for June, 2007
Go to Philly with me
Jun 29th
Don’t forget, I’m going to Philly tomorrow (Saturday, June 30th) for the Mets game and you guys and girls can follow along. All you have to do is check my Flickr page throughout the day. I’ll be taking with my phone and uploading them via the “Upload by email” service that Flickr offers. I’m not sure how many I’ll wind up taking, but I’m sure it’ll be enough to give you guys a hint of the fun I’m having. Hope you enjoy this pretty cool idea (or, at least, I think it’s cool).
Kerosene Prayers
Jun 28th
Kerosene Prayers (6/28/2007)
With my hands full of kerosene I pray to my Our Father
A fire to the sky when every thing gets harder
Drifting ever farther or further, well whatever
Moving far away from the point I was together
It’s these times that leave me severed, lacking the connection
Unable to communicate with myself and past directions
Spitting word infections in these lines onto the pages
I’m hoping that these letters are really so contagious
Yeah, maybe it’s outrageous to think about my hatred
As if it were an illness just going through it’s stages
Yet, every one I see, I can see it in their faces
Corruption of the innocent is where the leader laid it
It must be fun to play with and manipulate the masses
Contributions to cause are made at banquet Masses
Sweeping past the hazards of the people left behind
A couple million kids have grown, waiting for their time
With your bombs out on the line and this anger in our arteries
Discontent is plain to see so don’t pretend it’s hard to see
Cause lying in my armory is the mightiest of weapons
A pen full of my fury and void of my disgression
And I don’t need my perfection to vocalize this message
There’s a world full of these people who understand and get this
These words are a means of helping me to vent this
But my temporary closure is not the final sentence
Notes: It’s a bit shorter than I planned, but I started to lose it a bit and I didn’t want to end it with filler. In this case, I think it’s better to leave it so short than to get monotonous or stray off on a tangent.
You and I are going mobile
Jun 27th
Yep, I just finished getting the appropriate work done. For now on, if you visit the site from a cell/mobile phone, you’ll get a nice streamlined site that is optimized specifically for cell phones and PDA’s. Try it out. Get your phones and Sidekicks online and visit bangbang023.com.
You’ll be able to easily read the latest posts and comments. In the future, I may even enable comments from phones, but I turned that off for now because I know way too many people don’t like me, lol.
Let me know how you like it, guys.
Update: Apparently, this doesn’t work with Sidekicks. I guess it has to do with the fact that Danger downloads the pages and compresses them before sending them to the user, so the plugin never has a chance to detect the UserAgent string properly.
Birth of a Bomb
Jun 26th
Birth of A Bomb (6/26/2007)
He sits with the bomb ticking inside of his brain
Trying to maintain the fuse that’d bring so much pain
Things have not been the same since he settled down tame
But the clock keeps on ticking by to make him deranged
He had given up reign over the blackest emotions
The entire world told him he would drown in that ocean
Just like a magical potion, it quenched every fire
The illusion is granted, but the man is a liar
And nobody aspires to be hidden in silence
The lack of a sound is not the lack of the violence
If you open your eyelids, you would finally see
The man gave himself up for your joy and his grief
Now the earth is on fire as this life’s getting harder
Our brother’s are drowning in denial of fathers
Every day passing by is an emotional starter
While the pressure keeps building to reach that much farther
He’s taking the spot that someone else has been given
Even when you told him you had nothing to give him
Advised to smother the anger you saw he had in him
But what was the reason? What the fuck was your vision?
Cause the internal division that he battles with daily
Is enough to ignite the man like a bomb laced Israeli
With the fire of Halley and the mission of hatred
What else does he need? The bomb can be faithless
As long as his targets are true and the target is you
He’ll try his hardest to make it right on and right through
The clock’s running backwards in the mind of the man
A few more seconds to zero then you’ll all understand
Road to Our Discussion
Jun 22nd
Road to Our Discussion (6/22/2007)
Every fucking sentence is wasted, I feel brainless
Am I really such a writer if I never can sustain this
I wrote to be left painless, but now the painting’s paintless
Have I lost it all again? Please cut me to regain this
I don’t do it to be famous, it’s a hobby and a center
Every other letter works to make me feel much better
I keep it all together by rhyming it forever
But I need to catch a beat before I’m left here feeling severed
I pulled at all the levers and I think I found right one
Suddenly this surge just makes me want to write one
I stumble every now and then and some of it sounds cheesy
But the writing is my everything, my writing really needs me
It helps me and it feeds me, I supply it with experience
I give it all my heart ache for some guidance while I’m steering it
The windows that I’m peering in could really serve to kill me
If the writing wasn’t there to wake me up and thrill me
I can not fucking throw this out, I can’t just fucking lose it
I can’t lose grip of everything, I really want to do this
I’m sorry that I felt that way and I fixed it with a nothing
But the emptiness is better than a never working something
Still in every pulse that’s pumping, I drown in your old picture
The image that remains inside and cuts me like scissor
Never fucking fading while I fought to keep from bailing
Is strength the will to walk away or continuing though failing?
Cause it never was clear sailing, I never found it easy
The way your smile warmed me up and some how it appeased me
And how it always seized me and secretly relieved me
Is something that I fell for though I wished it would all leave me
I know where things were heading, I saw the road ahead
I saw the very nothing now that never was back then
Every god damn breath I breathe, right now it brings me peace
A little rhyme to talk to you and bring me some relief
Notes: Been a while, huh? The long time since the last poem means this one is a bit rough. Obviously, the first and second stanza are two entirely different topics. To explain, I had just finished the first when I couldn’t get anything for the second. I finally said “fuck it” and just dug down deep and looked for something to pour out and, well, there it is.
New Phone in Hand
Jun 22nd
Yep, I already got my new phone. A big thanks to the ladies at AT&T who helped me yesterday morning over the phone. I was lucky enough to get a new replacement instead of a refurbished phone. I can tell because the phone is branded as an AT&T phone and those just hit shelves not too long ago, so it should be new, for the most part. This means you people can text and call me again and I can once again take advantage of my unlimited internet access.
Don’t call my cell
Jun 21st
My fucking Blackjack already died. It can’t seem to get any service. Cingular is sending me a replacement, but it’s going to take a few days, so don’t try to call or text me until you hear or read otherwise. In the mean time, have a drink for me.
Not that kind of guy
Jun 20th
I’m just not that kind of guy. What kind am I talking about? The kind who drinks the blood of white kittens while…..wait, I am that guy. I mean I’m not the guy who can just go up to some girl I have never met before and ask her out. A buddy and I discussed this briefly online, today, and it makes me feel good to know I’m not the only one. I need that situation that forces me to get to know the chick before I can move things forward. I’m not spontaneous enough (or brave enough) to just wing it. I need background information and an understand of how her mind works. Now I need to find that situation. I’ve been lucky before, especially with Alex. Now, I just can’t find that damn situation or the damn girl.
No, there’s no point. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Creative Brain Drain
Jun 17th
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has noticed that I’ve posted almost nothing in the past few weeks. Hell, I can’t even write a journal entry never mind dig deep enough to write a poem. I just feel so drained, I guess. I’ve been working and, well, that’s all I seem to have been doing. I work, come home, eat, sleep, and then go back to work with a few hours off in between to unwind. That particular routine isn’t exactly conducive to creative writing.
I’m going to try to fix things a bit. I do want to write since I have a few things on my mind I’d like to get out, but I can’t force it. However, to help the drain, at the end of next month, starting when Joe and I go to Baltimore for the Yankee game, I’m going to take a week off from work. This will be my first true vacation (I had a few weeks I only worked like 20 hours) in over a year. Of course, because I didn’t get the full time spot, this is going to be unpaid time off, but I can feel that I need the break. My body and mind are simply worn down and some time off should help me regenerate and help get some more content on this site.
I don’t really know what else to talk about. I have no life and, well, that leaves little to discuss. I’ll figure things out, I hope. Stay cool, people.
Exhausting Weekend
Jun 10th
I really want to sleep now. Unfortunately, for me, I have to remain awake because I have to go to mass in a little over an hour.
This weekend was a long one. Yesterday, my only cousin, Jon, got married to his fiance, Gianna. I’m not exactly one for formal events, but I got dressed up in a suit and tie and dealt with things as they came along. The church was ungodly hot. They got married in Old Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. In this case, the term “Old” means way before air conditioners were invented. Talk about baking. Not only was it warm, but seats in the 1800’s weren’t designed for someone over six feet tall. My knees were cramped, my back was killing me and I was sweating like a fat bastard. Talk about fun.
After the mass, we all went to the reception, obviously. In a rather cool move, the reception was held at the Classic Car Club. This made it a little less formal and a bit more cool since there were some older cars there. Overall, though, I didn’t have much fun. Being single at a wedding reception in which you have no chance with the few single girls there is not exactly an envious position to be in. Thank god for the beer. Trust me, it kept me from snapping.
I think the best moment of yesterday occurred as the evening wound down. We were saying goodbye to my cousin and such and I was, once again, congratulating Jon on getting married. In one of the most selfless acts I’ve been witness to in a while, he actually took the time to ask me about my job and encouraged me to stick with it and keep working hard. He said he knows I can move up and that I just need to give it time. Considering everything with work, lately, and all the people around me thinking I should be looking for a job elsewhere, it felt nice to hear someone say I should stick to my guns. I’m trying and, even though we rarely speak (I’m talking once or twice a year about nothing lol), he took the time on his day to be a really good cousin. Thanks, dude.
What really killed, however, was this morning. We got home around 11:30 last night. I didn’t get to sleep until about 12:30am, or so. Unfortunately, I had to be back up at 5:45am to head to work. In hindsight, I should have requested the entire weekend off and not just Saturday, but hindsight is always 20/20. It was a rough start, to be honest. It took me a good 4 hours to finally get into gear. I’m just happy it’s over and I can sleep tonight. God, I can’t wait to sleep.
