Weight of My World (5/16/2007)

I’m sick of this nonsense and not stop portrayal
The image that you wanted, a personal betrayal
I give everything to everyone and always get nothing
I’ve given my last breath, I feel so disgusting
I busted my ass and worked myself to the bone
My own time was wasted, so bored and alone
But I gave it my all to earn what I wanted
Now that shit’s gone, they should have pointed and taunted
Cause I feel so exhausted, yet there’s nothing to show for
I gave up my hate and heard I should grow more
Became mister so willing that he gave up his person
Fuck, for almost six months, I wrote without cursing
Yeah, I like some adversity, don’t get me wrong
I don’t want it easy, I want to fight hard and long
But when I know that I’ve earned it, I want it and need it
Don’t give me the bullshit, the calming bull reasons

I’ve been fighting this battle and I’m just so damn tired
How can I be strong without being a fighter?
Everything’s gone wrong and it’s all gone together
It’s wearing me down, now I’m weaker, not better
I don’t get the job, I don’t get the girl
I don’t get a break from the weight of the world
She just tried to speak and I bit her damn head off
She’s in all my dreams, but I know I should get lost
So what if I like her? Is that so damn crazy?
It is when she doesn’t, when I let it all phase me
I just want this one thing to go right for me
Instead, I get nothing, there is no light for me
It’s darkened and cloudy and life is a battle
I don’t have a boat, forget the damn paddle
I keep taking my lumps, but the job, no, this girl
The weight of my everything, the weight of my world

Notes: It doesn’t have a great flow, but this is different. This is one of those few times where I stopped being so cerebral with my writing and just wrote because I felt I was about to lose it. I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse, but this one poured out of me. I’ll probably write a corresponding journal entry, later on, to explain it all.