Xpression.v2

So, I’m sure at least a few people were waiting on me to clarify what I was talking about in Weight of My World. Usually, I don’t break down poems, but this one is important enough to do so. For the sake of everything, I’m going to leave out any details about my comments about a certain chick.

I never posted it here and only told a few people, but I had applied for a full time spot in my department, at work. The spot opened up just recently and I was the first to have my application handed in. For a while, I really thought it would be mine (you can see where this is going). I had the experience, the work ethic, and I’ve been working 40 hour weeks for over a month now. I’ve basically been doing the job without any of the benefits, such as health insurance Today, however, my recent pessimism was proven to be well founded as I was informed I won’t be getting the spot. No interview. No word from even a manager. My supervisor, whom I had just gotten pissed with over us now having to close two nights a week, pulled me into a storage area, told me I wasn’t getting it, and then told me not to be mad. At least he agreed that I got fucked over.

Why didn’t I get the spot? This one should amuse you all. The company eliminated two full time spots in the store and those people have to be re-allocated. Guess where one will wind up? Yep. I lost out because someone else was losing their spot. I’m glad there are no requirements to do the job other than being there.

What does this mean for me? I don’t know honestly. I’m trying to move ahead in life but things aren’t working. Hell, combine this with my love life and NOTHING has gone my way for quite some time, now. It’s beginning to wear me out. How much do I have to give of myself, to any one cause, in order to succeed. I can’t get the girl. I can’t get the job. All I seem to get is more stress and dental bills.

I want to say more, but I’m at a loss. I just wish something would go right for me again. I hate feeling like a failure.

Filed under: Journal