Is it wrong to dream?
I was starting to write this as a poem, but I was forcing it and I didn’t feel comfortable with it. I’d rather write it out instead in a more direct form.
I managed to have a brief conversation with someone I hadn’t talked to in a while. She’s bogged down at school, like most people our age, but she’s also doing pretty well for herself. One thing that struck me is that she’s actually got publishers looking at her writing (poetry and prose). I felt a bit jealous as I let it sink in. Her writing is pretty good, but I always thought I was decent enough to deserve a brief look over by someone from some company desperate to make a quick buck. Over the years, that’s become my dream. To have my writing be something that could be meaningful and supportive. Am I silly to have such a dream?
Let’s face it (no, I’m not looking for pity), I don’t have many skills. Writing is the thing I’m best at. Whether or not that’s good or slightly pathetic is up to the reader, I guess. I do know that I work diligently at it and I try to make every piece a part of my feelings and thoughts. That’s why I’ve slowed down considerably over the past year. I used to crank out ten to fifteen pieces a month and they were just lacking in everything except raw, uncontrolled emotion. I thought it was a good thing, but I’ve learned that you need balance. Every time I write, now, I try to make it meaningful. I try to give meaning to every word I type out and really attempt to make every single piece something that impacts me. If it can’t affect me, the writer, how could it possibly get through to anyone else?
I wish I knew how to get better. I try to find new directions, but it’s hard to change the way you think. I’ve really worked at expanding the vocabulary in each piece and that’s actually worked pretty well. However, how do I change the pace or overall aura of each piece? If the writing is an extension of who I am, how can I just change it up so more people get interested? I DO want people to like what I write. It’s no longer enough just to make myself better. I want more. I dream of more. Is that wrong? Is it silly? How does one reach a dream? How long does my arm have to be? There are so many questions.
Filed under: Journal