My Pills (3/10/2007)

Every time I feel this, I start to feel all tensed up
I try to stutter a few words, but the syllables all get stuck
I stare in amazement and wonder why it leaves me tortured
Like pins in my spine from the passion that I fought with
Cause everyone has sources that bring about this feeling
A pill that steals these smiles and of course I know you’re stealing
Capturing emotions that I always try to hide from
The exposing kind of signs that I worked on to disguise them
But every time I find them, I lock up then I sit down
Every other letter that gets stuck, never spit out
I stutter stutter stutter ’til I hide it with sarcasm
Aggression didn’t help, so I try to play it passive
And ignore every reaction that bubbles up inside of me
Exhibition of a nothing, while I boil so excitingly
Every breath I try to breathe is thought out and premeditated
There’s nothing here to see, the sober sweat has slowly faded

It’s these convoluted messages that aggravate my mind set
These thoughts are so persuasive, though I’ve given it all my best
Addiction to an image of perfection and of happiness
Crashing to the world, while I hate the thoughts of sappiness
Sobriety is lulling and this reality is tarnished
I fight off every call and I fight it with my hardest
But, let both of us be honest, every time you give me pills
A thousand words of dosage only serve to make me ill
I crave every last pixel of the dreams I won’t accomplish
Hating how I feel and how I need it, all regardless
The sun that sets the latest only serves to feed the chill
Of this addicted kind of boy and the girl that gives him pills