Xpression.v2

Never Lost You (10/15/2006)

I stare at your pictures as I try my best to think
Witness my heart sink as I charge across the brink
I find it hard to blink, I’m succumbing to your coma
Numb me to the world and wake me when it’s over
How many times I told her that I want to take it further
While moving very slowly to make sure I didn’t hurt her
And now I feel the fervor growing deep inside of me
Where do we go now and who should I just try to be?
Should I sit and wait in vain or should I fucking quit?
Every time I think I feel well, you come and make me sick
Now I’ve had enough of this and I’m tired of the playing
I may be here right now but I won’t be always waiting
Cause you’re always hesitating and you always leave me hanging
Like my head against the wall, I can feel the anger banging
Right to the moment that I flip and write a rhyme like this
I try to be damn nice, but it’s hard to be so fine with this
Cause I can not align with this, I lack eternal patience
Sometimes you put my mind to bliss, but now it’s all frustration
You want to take vacation, but let’s start with fifteen minutes
Else there’ll never be a start and we’ll head straight to the finish
And we’ll watch it all diminish, the laughs and every smile
Watching it implode while we both act like a child
I’m too stubborn to give in to you, you’re scared to share your trust
I could have, would have been with you. There should have been an “us”
But now there’s just disgust as I try to sort the logic
I never really have it though I’ll swear that I just got it
Anything to look strong and pretend that I don’t want you
Cause it seems I’ll never have you, so I guess I never lost you

Notes: It’s about the nonstop cycle with Maria. It’s a bit rough, but I just needed a way to convey the anger and disappointment that seems to always encompass me when it comes to figuring out this situation.

Filed under: Poems