Archive for October, 2006
This title stumped me
Oct 29th
I tried so hard to come up with a title. As they say, honesty is the best policy.
My birthday sucked and that was the reason for that horribly depressing entry last week. For those of you that don’t know, I’ve been fighting some serious bouts of vertigo. I’ve taken some measures to help fight them off and so far I’ve done pretty well. I’m trying to eat an apple a day and have cut out the calcium supplements for now. I’m also thinking of getting a stationary bike so I can get more exercise despite the increasingly cold weather. Also, when i feel a little wobbly, I take a Dramamine. Anyway, I was completely wiped out from all the stress of the situation and just collapsed after work on Monday. The whole thing sort of ruined the day and I was just in a bitchy mood. I must say, though, I owe barneyt quite a bit of thanks. It turns out that he’s a registered nurse and he’s given some ideas about how to handle everything. He also suggested the Dramamine, which has turned out to be a life saver. Thanks man.
Work has been different lately. They are in the process of redoing the entire department so they can install the HEET Plus, a.k.a. the Magnolia without any of the benefits such as a pay raise, and there has been little on display to actually sell. I wouldn’t mind this except one manager had the balls to come up to me and tell me we had to make budget for the day. How can I sell something we don’t have on display or in the store? I wish I could be that delusional. My first delusion? “I don’t work at Best Buy”.
Maria, oh Maria. After she backed out of plans a week and a half ago, plans she made with me (not vice versa), I decided to go silent. I’ve ignored her IM’s and phone calls (though accidentally opened the phone one time and wound up hanging up on her). I like her. I still do really like her, but I can only take so much. I’m no ladies man. I’m not all that good looking. I can have some charm, but I’m usually too busy being an asshole. All that makes it kind of hard to find a girl to be serious with, so should I be throwing this away? I don’t want to, but was there anything to lose anyway? I guess not. Maybe?
Finally, I just want to thank everyone who’s commented on the site recently. Guys like kreuger, murkey, and joe really make it a bit more purposeful. I have Joe’s myspace listed in my blogroll, but would love to add other sites if you comment here often enough. I know kreuger has a site, but I lost the damn link again. Send it on over man and I’ll link it up. Thanks guys and girls.
Crowd Shooting
Oct 28th
Crowd Shooting (10/28/2006)
They tell me that anger’s no good for my spirit
I’m deaf and unconscious, fuck you I won’t hear it
Cause I need this enragement of these situations
To push me ahead against all your persuasions
It’s my motivation, my one branch to hold on
When I’m over the edge, but it’s best that I go on
Pulse pounding, control’s gone and I’ve hit the ceiling
Shaking in hatred, my patience is wielding
It’s over, it’s toppled, confinement has broken
Fury that reigns, it’s so openly spoken
Your silence is golden while I flip through the pages
To find that one word that defines my enragement
Cause, face it, I’m wasted, I’ve one of disgraces
I’ve torn shit apart and ripped right through your patience
So much has been taken, a pain that’s not weightless
It pounds on my shoulders while I sit in complacence
But I fucking hate this, I can’t sit here and take this
The nothing around me that blurs out their faces
And fogs out the targets of my own indisgression
I can’t see a thing, but I know imperfection
And I know this direction is not what I’ve needed
This calm soothing bullshit leaves me feeling cheated
I know that I’ve screwed up my life until right now
But give me some time and I’ll nail every line down
And then when I lie down, I’ll do so in pleasure
Knowing that I made my own through the weather
So let me get damn angry, let me feel the frustration
That way I can change my whole situation
Notes: I’ve spent all week trying to control my anger and it finally got to me. This is one of those rhymes that just came pouring out of me. It’s me just recalling why I somewhat enjoy the anger and then explaining why I need it. I need to be angry with how my life is if I want to change it. People want me to be calm and mellow, but that leads to complacency and nothing gets done then.
Wordpress 2.0.5 Released, Xpression Updated
Oct 28th
An update for Wordpress, the backbone of this entire site, has just been released. The new version, 2.0.5, is simply a security update which is always good for people, like me, who tend to have a lot of angry people looking to mess up their site as often as possible. Here’s an unofficial list of changes:
* is_feed() status is preserved when handling 404s #3019 [4227]
* manually entering pages greater than the number of pages for a given post now shows the highest numbered page #3039 [4228]
* improved security in wp-db-backup plugin [4226]
* user description is no longer HTML-entity converted going into the database #3069 [4230]
* fix for rel=”nofollow nofollow” repetition #2995 [4233]
* plugins are sorted by plugin name, instead of filename #2412 [4323] [4324]
* multi-line options in /wp-admin/options.php are preserved #2456 [4331]
* the authors dropdown is now sorted by display_name #2370 [4365]
* the_meta() properly ignores keys that start with an underscore #2478 [4368]
* post meta keys and data are escaped properly on the post screen [4376]
* users are prevented from entering strings that will be interpreted as serialized data when coming out of the database #2591 [4384] [4395]
* make_clickable() no longer adds links within links #3228 [4385] [4387]
* error suppression #2331 [4341], #2745 [4328], #1999 [4315], #2759 [4287], #3179 [4280]
* i18n fixes #3109 [4239]
Be safe and update people. And yes, for those of you wondering, I’m already up to date and running 2.0.5 here.
Birthday Boy
Oct 23rd
So, it’s my birthday. I’m now 23 years old and one year closer to being a sickly old man (I’m such an optimist). Man, birthday’s used to seem so fun, now it’s a reminder that time is flying by way too quickly. Kind of scary.
I’m not really sure what to talk about because I’m really tired. I’ve been doing some research and picking some brains and it seems as though my vertigo attacks may be caused by my high blood pressure. High blood pressure? Damn it. I’m going to try to eat a bit healthier meaning cutting back on the 100% junk food diet I have now. Also, I’m working on being less strssed out all the time, but, in a twist of beautiful irony, I’m getting stressed out trying not to get stressed out. Son of a…
I’d like to thank the people who got me gifts for my birthday and everyone who hit up my Myspace to tell me happy birthday, also. I appreciate it. I’m sorry this entry isn’t longer, but I’m so damn tired.
My Inheritance
Oct 19th
My Inheritance (10/19/2006)
I’ve inherited titles, some are hard to believe in
Labels placed on me for some really odd reason
People fighting their demons in the strangest of fashions
And all I ever do is sit back with no action
Well, the shit stops here, there’s no more complacency
Little mother fuckers who think that they’re playing me
They’re never really able to grasp the whole picture
And how my attitude’s grounded in me like a fixture
So, twist up the mixture and let’s roll with the dice
Pick a new image and we’ll go with it, right?
This is to the fuckers who need to vent steam
Untalented kiddies with no self esteem
Sitting on the internet saying all this bullshit
Acting like they mean it yet they never really pull shit
Unable to accept the results of their actions
So, the cycle begins and the same story happens
I warn them and smack them, but I do it so politely
Then they’ll flip a lid and say something to spite me
Next comes the website that will call me a Nazi
They all sit there smiling, thinking they got me
Well, I still got my style and my rhyming bold swagger
Your words bounced right off like a rubbery dagger
You can stutter and stammer and keep with the dissing
But it won’t change the fact that you’re moaning and bitching
Acting like a kid whose milk has just spilled out
I talk nicely and calmly, but you sit there and still shout
It’s never your fault, the whole world’s there to get you
Oh, did I hit a nerve? Did my words just upset you?
Do you feel so disturbed now? Should I look for your sniper
Will Persephone join us? Can my five dollars buy her?
I’m a “chav” and a “nazi”, I’m everything that you’ve hated
But I still got my rhymes and you got….well, I’m waiting
Notes: I’m done caring why these retards hate me. At least my disses come with some style.
Sycophants and Rebels
Oct 17th
Sycophants and Rebels (10/17/2006)
Psycho fans turned sycophants in a twist of passion
Their love becomes obsession desiring reaction
Finding satisfaction in a favor owed in debt
But nothing ever fills them, so life drains them out instead
And then there are the shepherds with a flock of hateful sheep
Little growing boys and girls that scream to hide the weeps
Convoluting messages to fit with every moment
Until they are exposed and there’s nothing left to go with
No ears to hear their questions, no minds for a solution
Lost inside the smog of nothing, a flittering pollution
And there’s nothing but confusion masked behind their apathy
Writhing in the limbo of their image and their agony
I must admit it’s sad to see a broken down facade
Shattered pieces of a painting that this person’s not
But what is left is nothing more than there ever was
Though now the bricks have fallen, left standing is disgust
It’s a little hard to comprehend obsession and rebellion
For and towards something small, the ire of these hellions
Someone needs to tell them, inform them most respectfully
That I am never bothered if they don’t hold a respect for me
Cause everything that’s meant to be will be what fate has holden
Life is bigger than this here, I wish someone had told them
Scoff me now and share your hate, I’ll bask in every bellow
Vocabularied tellings from a mind that has been mellowed
Notes: This is my own analysis of the two kinds of people that always stand out on Neowin: the people who try to be nice to me because they want something in return and the people who dislike me for no reason other than my position of authority. In the grand scope of life, I know it’s small and I even state that in the poem. This is just my mature look a the situation with little digs at the jerks every now and then. Of course, the last line, is my way of breaking the mood and basically saying, “Yeah, I used a much larger vocabulary than I usually do”. I like to joke with myself like that.
My First Real Reporting
Oct 16th
Well, I finally got my small taste of some semi real journalism. This past Friday, Joe and I went to the Digital Life convention in the city. I went for the purpose of providing exclusive content for Neowin. I thought it would be good for the site to have some in house news on the front page over the weekend. I had a blast typing the stories and owe a thanks to Joe for taking all the photos. Just in case you don’t visit Neowin, missed the stories, or just might be interested in reading some short insights into various displays, here are all the articles:
Playstation 3
Logitech
Sony Mylo
U3 BeSmart Drives
Sony Blu-ray
Microsoft Vista
Wrap Up
Any constructive criticism is always welcome. To be honest, I’ve always thought about possibly being a journalist. The whole “no school” thing is a hindrance to that, but maybe I can change things in the future. It was fun.
Never Lost You
Oct 15th
Never Lost You (10/15/2006)
I stare at your pictures as I try my best to think
Witness my heart sink as I charge across the brink
I find it hard to blink, I’m succumbing to your coma
Numb me to the world and wake me when it’s over
How many times I told her that I want to take it further
While moving very slowly to make sure I didn’t hurt her
And now I feel the fervor growing deep inside of me
Where do we go now and who should I just try to be?
Should I sit and wait in vain or should I fucking quit?
Every time I think I feel well, you come and make me sick
Now I’ve had enough of this and I’m tired of the playing
I may be here right now but I won’t be always waiting
Cause you’re always hesitating and you always leave me hanging
Like my head against the wall, I can feel the anger banging
Right to the moment that I flip and write a rhyme like this
I try to be damn nice, but it’s hard to be so fine with this
Cause I can not align with this, I lack eternal patience
Sometimes you put my mind to bliss, but now it’s all frustration
You want to take vacation, but let’s start with fifteen minutes
Else there’ll never be a start and we’ll head straight to the finish
And we’ll watch it all diminish, the laughs and every smile
Watching it implode while we both act like a child
I’m too stubborn to give in to you, you’re scared to share your trust
I could have, would have been with you. There should have been an “us”
But now there’s just disgust as I try to sort the logic
I never really have it though I’ll swear that I just got it
Anything to look strong and pretend that I don’t want you
Cause it seems I’ll never have you, so I guess I never lost you
Notes: It’s about the nonstop cycle with Maria. It’s a bit rough, but I just needed a way to convey the anger and disappointment that seems to always encompass me when it comes to figuring out this situation.
The Anti-Me Fan Club
Oct 12th
Well, the hate towards me has definitely reached new levels of dedication in recent years, while climbing to astounding highs in the past two weeks. Honestly, I’m so indifferent to it at this point, but I do question why people are so quick to over react to everything I do.
For those of you left wondering what I’m talking about, let me explain. I am a forum moderator at Neowin.net. No real secret there. I’m probably one of the most active moderators on staff and, thus, tend to deal with problems more often than some others. When it comes to the more personal things, like issuing a warning to a user’s account, I try to be brief, to the point, and professional. I usually tell them what level I have increased their warning to, quote the offending post (or how selling pot seeds is not allowed on Neowin…true story), explain how it breaks the rules, and then end the message by thanking them and asking them to be a bit more mindful of the rules in the future. Unfortunately, people tend to go crazy when this occurs.
Sure, getting a warning sucks, but it’s not like it changes anything for a Neowin member. They don’t lose any privileges and can continue posting as they had been all along. I guess it’s not enough, though. Besides the rather explicit replies I tend to receive, this site has been bombarded with hate in the past, as well. Now, however, it’s going even further. About a year ago, one member dedicated a whole blog post to how much I suck. Just recently, on some random teen forum, an entire thread was created to discuss how I’m a Nazi, geeky chav (think wigger, for you Americans), and a general asshole. It’s a good time to be me.
Honestly, I’m just so indifferent to it now. These kids seem to think it will hurt me to talk badly about me. I’m just curious as to why people flip out so easily whenever I do my job. Sometimes, I think it’s because people don’t know how hard I work to make Neowin something people want to return to. I never really told people, but I almost lost my staff position fighting to bring the IRC back. I pissed quite a few important people off when I contested admin choices in the past because I didn’t feel it was right for the member base. So, why me? Who knows? I guess you either hate me or you……hate me?
I must be a CEO
Oct 9th
Time for a short rant….
There is going to be a new global law. As of this moment on, shoppers can not ask me the following questions:
Why don’t they make this TV in another color?
Why don’t you sell this item?
Why can’t your computer system do
Why didn’t they include this feature?
Why does Best Buy do it this way?
I’m always inclined to say something like “because God fucking hates you”, but that would be bad for my employment status. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with my memorized and oft repeated, “I don’t know. I just work here. I don’t make these kind of decisions you know”. Leave me alone people.
