Archive for September, 2006

Checking In

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted any kind of journal here. After much procrastination, I decided to finally sit my ass down and do it.

It’s been a quickly paced time of year for me. In some weird way, time seems to be flying by and it’s not for the better. Summer is, for the most part, gone and I’m getting closer and closer to yet another birthday. As usual, I feel like I didn’t do enough with myself in the warmer months and I’m regretting it now. I should have gone out more. I should have played ball more. I guess with work schedules and all, though, it’s hard to align lives. Let’s face it, I do most of that shit with Joe, anyway, so as soon as our schedules conflict (as they often do), nothing can happen. They don’t warn you about that when you’re 10 years old.

Work has been actually pretty good lately. I’ve had another wind come to me and I’ve been able to really do my job with at least some kind of enthusiasm. With the holidays quickly approaching, I’m trying my best to appreciate the calmness of the store right now. I guess after almost 3 years, you have to learn something.

A lot of new people have started to get hired, too. It’s always in the back of my mind whether or not there will be some girl that gets hired that I’ll click with like I did with a certain someone last year. Let’s face it: My love life is shot to hell. I guess after everything with Alex, I stepped away from the whole game to really get things straight in my own life. I even turned down a girl (I’ll keep them nameless) because I just knew I wasn’t ready to get involved with someone. Have I fixed my life up? Well, for now, it feels like I’m on the right track. Who knows how things will feel tomorrow, but it’s a nice change.

And with my life getting back on track, I’ve started to look at my future more seriously. Obviously, in the short term, I want to get that Magnolia position at work. An increase in pay and hours is a nice step forward. After that, I think I might want to risk things and see if I can land a leadership position. I’m still not 100% sure if Best Buy is the company I want to try my luck with, but I’ll decide that when I need to. Then again, I’m almost 23. I’m running out of time.

Let’s close with my birthday, shall we? I feel mad cheesy doing this, but I know I’m impossible to shop for. Hell, most of the times, I don’t even know what I want. I’ve spent a couple of days compiling small lists on Newegg and Amazon. Honestly, I don’t want most people to even bother looking at them since you shouldn’t give me anything, but for those few close people, hopefully this will make you curse me out less. I doubt that the lists are complete, but it’s all I could think of. I just feel really awkward presenting people a list of shit to buy me.

Chris’ Wish Lists:
Amazon.com
Newegg.com

My Own Love Poem

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My Own Love Poem (9/24/2006)

In the silence in the morning, I collect my straying thoughts
And I dedicate a moment to what I have never lost
I scramble through the pictures that I’ve locked inside my mind
The catastrophic romance that would turn my hatred blind
Then I say that I’ll be fine as my feet, they touch the floor
And lead me to a world to which I have locked the door
But I’m so blocked and sore and these emotions are atrophic
And the barriers I build, it’s a process, I can’t stop it
So I sit and try to mock it, but my chest is slowly caving
The weight is growing larger and my obstinance is waning
I am growing sick of waiting for my life to fall in place
While I dream of every circumstance when I would see your face
Where I could take your hand, a kiss, a simple taste
And run away from everything and make my great escape
When I could end this chase and find some damn contentment
Instead of throwing punches at the world with my resentment

I guess I’ve never learned my lesson, well, maybe I don’t want to
But I would study every word at the moment that I saw you
Cause if I had ever lost you, I’d be right back where I’m sitting
With the world upon my shoulders and a tear to signal quitting
And a heart that’s slowly splitting, torn between the madness
Of a damning kind of solitude and your tantalizing panic
Where everything imagined is the everything that’s happened
And we could take the world with invigorating passion

So I say my sweet good bye and I wish you all the best
May the weight I always carry never fall upon your chest
Just remember that I’ll be here and I’ll hold you in my dreams
The picture perfect haven where I’m solid at the seams
And with a smile and a gleam, I will take my final glance
I’ll gaze at all your beauty and remember that I can’t
Then I’ll let go of your hand and take back all my trust
Cause this has been my own love poem to the no one that I love

Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy”

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I’m sure most of you have heard that rap song “Ridin’ Dirty”. Weird Al has done a spoof of it and it’s freaking great. Here’s the video children:

Your Sin

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Your Sin (9/17/2006)

Talking me, voices that I hear inside
Listen to my every breath
Lingering on every cry
Deep inside my mind, there’s so much going on
There’s so much going wrong
Everything is far from right
And I’m far from being strong

Bury me underneath your tempting call
Thoughts you place inside my head
Pushing me until I fall
Deep inside my mind, you’re scratching at this whim
I’m clutching as the brakes
While I drive into your sin
I drive into your
Your!

Cause I can’t breathe and I can’t think
I only feel your taunting sting
Calling me with your sedative
I’ll close me eyes and open your sin

Your
Your
Your
Your

Listen to the pain stemming from my chest
Can you feel the itch as I try to
Scratch it
You’ve become mistress sin and
I’m your addict
There’s a fire that is building in me
So now I’ll cut off my mind, look into your eyes
And let temptation come and take me

Mistress sin
Mistress sin
Mistress sin

Cause I can’t breathe and I can’t think
I only feel your taunting sting
Calling me with your sedative
I’ll close me eyes and open your sin

I can’t breathe, no I can’t think
I’m driven by your taunting sting
I open wide for the sedative
While you sit and open your sin

Mistress sin
Mistress sin
Mistress sin
Mistress
SIN!

Notes: I know, I know. Lyrics are far from being my strong point and many prefer straight up rhymes, but this one just came to me. This is a song about vices and addiction (No, I’m not a drug addict, calm down). Everyone has something they get hooked on and have a hard time turning away. This is my own look at the feeling.

A Day in My IM Life

3

Had this IM conversation with a completely random person. This is it’s entirety. I really hope I was never this asinine.

Danger Zone AD (5:20:09 PM): f u
Danger Zone AD (5:20:13 PM): laura
bangbang023 (5:20:36 PM): this isn’t “laura”
bangbang023 (5:20:39 PM): so um no thanks
Danger Zone AD (5:20:44 PM): k
Danger Zone AD (5:21:01 PM): welll then y u have a girl sn
bangbang023 (5:21:10 PM): since when is bang bang a girl screen name?
Danger Zone AD (5:21:16 PM): now
bangbang023 (5:21:21 PM): interesting
Danger Zone AD (5:21:25 PM): fuck u
bangbang023 (5:21:25 PM): am i entering the danger zone?
bangbang023 (5:21:28 PM): should i watch out?
bangbang023 (5:21:30 PM): hard hat needed?
bangbang023 (5:21:43 PM): then again, you seem pretty thick headed so I guess I should be fine
Danger Zone AD (5:25:21 PM): go fuck ur self
Danger Zone AD (5:25:25 PM): bitch
bangbang023 (5:25:49 PM): lol good one
bangbang023 (5:25:51 PM): very original
Danger Zone AD (5:25:58 PM): ye
Danger Zone AD (5:26:07 PM): dick head
Danger Zone AD (5:26:14 PM): lick mah dick
Danger Zone AD (5:26:16 PM): bitch
bangbang023 (5:26:34 PM): are you getting all this from the “insults everyone uses” book?
Danger Zone AD (5:26:39 PM): no
Danger Zone AD (5:26:49 PM): no
bangbang023 (5:26:52 PM): oh “disses for dummies” then? I see
bangbang023 (5:26:53 PM): my bad
Danger Zone AD (5:27:12 PM): ye and how do u know about that
Danger Zone AD (5:27:20 PM): rite cuz u read it
bangbang023 (5:27:21 PM): I encounter your kind all the time
Danger Zone AD (5:27:24 PM): oh
Danger Zone AD (5:27:36 PM): that y u have a girl sn
bangbang023 (5:27:40 PM): Little whiney pissants with no real balls to do anything but attack people on the interwebnet
Danger Zone AD (5:27:52 PM): fuck
bangbang023 (5:27:53 PM): and we’re back to the 2nd grade “you have a girls screen name” insult lol
Danger Zone AD (5:27:53 PM): u
Danger Zone AD (5:28:01 PM): me
bangbang023 (5:28:04 PM): sorry, I’m not gay. I respect your choice though
Danger Zone AD (5:28:08 PM): bang bang
Danger Zone AD (5:28:17 PM): cmon thats gay
bangbang023 (5:28:39 PM): You know whats even gayer? People using the term gay
bangbang023 (5:28:42 PM): You must be in high school
bangbang023 (5:28:55 PM): Because that’s the last time I’ve heard someone use the term gay as an insult
Danger Zone AD (5:29:03 PM): fuck u
bangbang023 (5:29:21 PM): again, no thanks. I’m sure there’s a guy out there for you though. Don’t worry.
Danger Zone AD (5:30:05 PM): listen go f ur mom
Danger Zone AD (5:30:13 PM): k have a good time
bangbang023 (5:30:17 PM): Na, yours is better
Danger Zone AD (5:30:17 PM): bitch
bangbang023 (5:30:28 PM): That was too easy
bangbang023 (5:30:34 PM): I should give you a high five for such a good setup
Danger Zone AD (5:31:50 PM): k go fuck ur self u know y …………………… oh ye i rememba because ur a boy thats gay that has a girl sn so have a good time fucking ur self u moda fucka son a motha fucking bitch go fuck ur self k
Danger Zone AD signed off at 5:31:54 PM.

Those Speechless Moments

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I had promised myself I wouldn’t get caught up in the 9/11 recollections throughout the day, but, living in Brooklyn/NYC it’s impossible not to.

I don’t think people outside of New York can really grasp how insane that day was for us here and how chilling the memory can really be. No one had a clue what was going on, yet one of the symbols of our city was standing there with smoke pouring out. Thew reporters said a lot, but they said nothing. We were all so speechless. Then that symbol collapsed into mere dust. Speechless.

Even after everything was done, it’s hard to describe. That feeling is gone now, but we all suddenly became so nice. New York is known for it’s hard edged personality, but damn, not after that, not for quite some time.

I remember the Yankees losing that World Series. That’s the only time I cried about a sports team losing a game. New York really needed that win. We just needed to escape and as it ended with no victory, reality just came storming back in. I was speechless.

To everyone affected by that day, my best wishes to you as you continue to try to escape it. To all these crazy conspiracy theorists (Neowin is full of these asses. Oddly, none seem to live in NY), you can fuck off.

An Intimate Evening with Staind

4

I thought I would use this time to get a little more in depth about the Staind show last night.

A few days ago, Staind posted a MySpace bulletin letting people know you could apply for tickets to a free acoustic recording they were having for their upcoming greatest hits album. On a whim, I got Joe to come online and we both applied and luckily got accepted. Even though we made the list, we still had to get their early enough since it was a first come, first serve situation. With a little hesitation about standing in line for 4 hours (last thing I want to do on my day off from work is stand like I’m at work), I met Joe at about 5:30pm and started the long wait. Oddly enough, and I’m not kidding here, the guy waiting in front of us overheard us talking and realized he lived near us. How close? Well, Joe and I live a block apart. He lives between the both of us. Dude’s name was Rob and he was very cool.

Anyway, we got there early enough so we made it in easily and sat in the 5th row (out of 10). I would say there were about 300 people in the room and Joe agrees, so it must be a good estimate. Staind came out at 9pm and everything from then on was amazing. I’m not sure if it was the setting or the fact that the crowd was smaller, but Aaron (the lead singer) actually showed quite a bit of charisma (after Rob and I had discussed how he has none lol). His interaction with the crowd was really fun and I think everyone in the room laughed at least a couple of times. At one point, John (the drummer) threw him a towel to wipe his sweat and he said “I already got one” at which point a girl screamed that she would take it. He turned to the mic and said, “That’s disgusting”. Yes, it’s one of those “you had to be there moments”, but it was cool nonetheless.

Then of course, being in New York, he decided to say “Sox Rule” (referring to Boston Red Sox) at which point the crowd went nuts and we went back and forth with him over how Boston sucks. After someone yelled out “Bucky Dent”, he replied with a smile, “Man, fuck all you mother fuckers”. It was at that point it almost felt like the band was just hanging out with the crowd instead of simply performing for us.

The show itself was very dynamic. How much so? Well, they openly admitted they had only practiced for a hour earlier in the day and were just planning on doing it off the cuff. It made the 2 hours very interesting. I’m not sure what song they wanted to play, but before settling on “Zoe Jane” for the 3rd song, Mike (the guitarist) was trying to play out the intro to another song to which Aaron kept saying “No” as he got a few chords in. We all had a laugh and Mike said he was especially pissed because they play the song almost every night. Aaron also chose to point out that Mike wrote the music for it and, thus, couldn’t remember his own song.

Aaron’s joke would come back to bite him in the ass. The 7th song played was “Something Like Me”. It was a song written for Chapter V that was left off because the band felt it would get lost in between the singles. At the start of the second verse, Aaron actually forgot the words. We all giggled, but the band played through and brought it back to the start and he was able to get it the second time around. The song itself was about life in his house and seemed to be him standing back in disbelief at what he had in his family. The line to end the chorus was “I find it hard to believe someone like you could love something like me”. That just really struck me. Maybe it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I won’t forget that line.

Staind also chose to do a few covers. They did Alice in Chain’s “Nutshell”, “Sober” by Tool, and ended with “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd. I’ve never been a fan of Floyd, but I have heard the song before and his voice during the verses was eerily similar to the original.

All in all, it was an amazing show. I would definitely say it’s one of my two favorite, only second to maybe the first time I saw them live. After a night like that, I’m reminded about how much I really like Staind and how, as cheesy as it sounds, the music has really helped me through some tough times. It’s a night I won’t soon forget.

While most of you weren’t there, you can hopefully get an idea of how awesome it was. They had cameras filming all night long and I think there will be a DVD released of it along with the greatest hits album landing November 14th. If you’re a fan, you should definitely pick it up.

And, for those of you who want to know the track listing (thanks to Joe for writing it down):

1. Falling
2. Schizophrenic Conversations
3. Zoe Jane
4. Devil
5. Epiphany
6. Reply
7. Something Like Me (Unreleased, never before heard)
8. Nutshell (Alice in Chains cover)
9. So Far Away
10. Everything Changes
11. Fill Me Up
12. Sober (Tool cover)
13. Outside
14. Right Here
15. It’s Been a While
16. Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd cover)

Acoustic Staind Show…

1

Holy crap. Just got home from the acoustic show Staind had in the city as a recording for their upcoming Greatest Hits album. What an amazing performance. It was completely off the cuff and unrehearsed. At one point, in a song never released, Aaron forgot the second verse, but the band relooped the music and he got it a second time around. I’ll have more about it in a day or two. I’m too tired to think right now.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

1

Good Idea
I’ve determined that one of the best ideas in recent times is the plastic screw cap on cartons of orange juice. Yesterday, I bought a small container without a screw top and man it was a bitch to open it. It’s almost as if the harder you try to get it right, the more the sides collapse in and you’re stuck with a shredded mess. Bless the guy who decided to throw a plastic screw cap on these suckers and end the agony.

Bad Idea
I’ll admit that I haven’t gone to McDonald’s for a while, but I decided to finally pick up a double quarter pounder meal today. Something has changed, though. Why in the hell did I receive a damn receipt? Am I going to need to prove that I bought this meal at a later date? With the receipt, can I make a return on the food? Who the hell thought this genius idea up. Look, take my order, take my money, give me my food, and call it a day. Why do we need to involve receipts? Leave the damn trees alone, save yourself some money, and cut this crap out.

That is all.

Capacitation

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Capacitation (9/2/06)

Just stop with the bullshit, stop twisting the screws
Put yourself here and walk around in these shoes
I’m tired of the run around, just give me the truth
Give me facts to the story and back them with proof
Cause I’m sick of the fact that my life’s this way
I’m surrounded by nothing while I decay
But this is what I wanted, it’s what I made
Another rut to be stuck in like yesterday
While everybody’s talking and wasting my time
You don’t have my attention, my focus is mine
Every thing’s broken, I’m so out of line
So I blow up the world to find the solace inside
And push you back to the corner as I swallow my pride
To alleviate the tension that has hollowed my mind
Then I wait for the chance and the challenge to rise
‘Til I let myself down as I watch it fly by
And I let my mind die and I turn out the lights
Another day born that falls into the night
Just another single moment that I failed to accept
Another rhyme to flow with that I wail off my chest
A memory collected when I wasn’t the best
A dozen sleepless hours, now give me the rest
A million random thoughts that shatter the silence
And capacitate my mind into this lyrical violence

Notes: I decided to experiment more with a different flow than I usually go with. It actually does flow well, if you have the beat in your head like I do. As for the meaning, it’s a bit hard to describe, but it’s my attempt at conveying the overall barrage of thoughts that inundate me every day and how every dream and expectation is only remembered as a failure.

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