Xpression.v2

Dementia (5/26/2006)

Sitting in the shadows as I claw through all these questions
These voices tend to mention how I’ve fallen from perfection
And now they’re my obsession, I’m paranoid about my rhymes
Cause I’m freaking that I’m losing the ability to write
And it’s killing me tonight, I feel it wrenching at my body
Somebody’s written something, but somebody’s name is “not me”
The delusions now have got me and I’m losing it at top speed
Crashing through euphoria and now I’m not so cocky
And I’m begging you to stop me, please make me drop the pen
Please spill the ink and cap me and then send me off to bed
Cause none of this makes sense and I’m going fucking crazy
The drought happens too often and it has a way to phase me
And it blinds me ’til it’s hazy, then it calls me and it sways me
‘Til I’m bloodshot in the eyes and I’ll settle for a maybe
Then that’s when it betrays me and leaves me on a whim
With nothing left to studder and no feelings left within
And I really start to thin as the thoughts and feeling swell up
Making me all dizzy til I tripped and simply fell up
No sense can seem to gel up and I’m lacking a real subtance
The tormentors in my head laugh and seem to love this
I collapse, I’m feeling gutless, damn, where has all my skill gone?
I sit and try to write, then crumple cause it’s still gone
No paper left to spill on and no pen for me to bleed through
No blood inside the head to surge until it’s seeps through
And No words for me to feed you, no pulse behind the nerves
Where the fuck is agony? Where the fuck are all the words?
This all feels so absurd. Am I running out of hurt?
Well, beat me to a pulp so I have pain to observe
And I can get over this curve and get right back to my writing
Returning to the passion that I really feel defines me
I don’t need happy findings and I don’t need sunny days
I need something to hurt me and I need to feel deranged

Notes: It should be pretty clear. I’m simply going into the chaos I sometimes feel when I want to write, but can’t.

Filed under: Poems