Xpression.v2

Life has been so unfulfilling lately. I’m not sure how I got into this funk, but I hate it. I want to do things, but I just can’t get my ass to do them. It drives me insane as I sit here or there or somewhere and try to convince myself to get up and go.

Oddly enough, I don’t think work is the root of my problems. It’s been okay there. My hours are slowly (and I mean slowly) starting to get back within “acceptable for now” range and the holday madness is fully over with. The slower pace of things really helps me focus more and sell better. The past few months, I would spend most of my day being baraged by questions from everyone, customer and employee alike. Eventually, that really wears down on a guy. You can’t get a chance to focus on one thought long enough to know what it actually is. This slower pace is definitely refreshing, in that regard.

However, work still doesn’t fill that emptiness. Sports isn’t doing it either. My basketball game is as bad as ever and I’m completely unmotivated to fully test out my ankle and actually play a few games.

Then we get the nonstop mass confusion stemming from Maria’s little corner of my world. Does she still like me? Did she ever like me? Why can’t I get her to stop being so cold (this is coming from me, ironically)? One minute we’re as close as can be and the next we go a 1 - 2 weeks without talking at all. That doesn’t really do much to inspire or motivate a guy. I’ve taken a lot of risks to make things work with her and it would suck to see it all fall apart now. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Really, the thing I want to do most, is go biking. I need to order a new bike and then probably build it myself (since it’s cheaper buying online), but then I’m making it something I do at least once a week. Not only will it help out my horribly dyfunctional legs, it’ll give me time to thing and burn some excess energy. Strangely enough, I think biking could really help me get back on track and get my life moving again. It sounds weird, I know, but it definitely helps to be in better shape and more in tune with yourself again.

I’m sure my parents are freaking and I’m sure some people think I’m a loser for being so slow to launch, but so be it. I’ll get this right, I promise.

Filed under: Journal