Archive for March, 2006

You Don’t Know

0
5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

You Don’t Know (3/11/2006)

I tried my fucking best to be politically correct
But now it’s time for me to be deliberatley direct
And free this from chest all this shit I need to vent
In a torrent of frustration that’s been spinning in my head
From everything that’s said to every god damn whisper
Every word that tears at me and shreds me like a splinter
Clutters me with litter and this useless aggravation
Just go ahead and say it, you only see an abberation
And there is no admiration, you hope nobody’s like me
You pray that both your daughters never step right there beside me
Cause the more you fucking try me, the more you get resistance
I’ll fail right to the grave just to keep with my persistance
And I hate how you don’t listen, nobody ever hears me
I always have to scream even though you’re right there near me
Get off the wheel, don’t steer me, don’t break me down or cheer me
Just leave me to my lonely so that I can see more clearly

I’m just growing so damn tired of these people and their judgements
I tried to measure up but certain people feel disgusted
Nobody can be trusted, not even my own parents
The words always get back to me even though it’s not apparent
So listen, I’ll declare it, I’ll say this all again
I’m going my own way and I’ll see it to the end
And if I fail, I’ll mend, I’ll get right back on my feet
I’ll be battling these demons regardless of defeat
So next time you start to speak, remember, I demand it
I’m the puzzle you can’t solve, you will never understand it
Don’t analyze my actions, don’t think you know my mind
Nobody knows the person that I keep locked up inside

Lost in Complacence

0
5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Lost in Complacence (3/10/2006)

I’m trying to write shit, though I’m failing to rhyme it
These words I don’t know that still lack all the vibrance
Leaves me here mindless with blood behind eyelids
I’m stuck in the ways that I use to upright this
I’m trying to fight this, but I can’t seem to get it
I jot some words down then I lose the next sentence
I just want to vent this, but I can’t fucking nail it
Another one lost cause I just can’t exhale it
And I hate fucking failing, but I won’t go with lying
If I don’t know the words, then I won’t go on rhyming
But I’m losing my timing and I’m losing the essence
I’m losing the joy that was held in each message
I want you to get this and I want you to read it
But without any words, shallow wells get depleted
Have I simply exceded the limits of talent?
Or have I completed this mission of balance?
Have I walked through this challenge with nothing to show for?
The life never seen cause it’s not what you hope for
With nothing to go for and no reason or passion
The world starts to fall as I feel me lose traction
I can’t heal the reaction, this bleeding of spirit
The light that I sought, well, I’m thinking I fear it
Cause everytime I get near it, I scramble for darkness
And I pray that the pain will find me as it’s target
Be the fate that I’m charged with and always inspire
Beating me down in my dreams of a writer
The lonliest fighter with nothing to hope for
But, known as a writer, with something to show for

Notes: Man, this was was hard to get through. It’s actually the third attempt at writing in the past 24 hours. I finally got fed up after losing two pieces to a simple lack of insight. It’s rough (really rough), but hopefully it’s a step in the right direction.

Red tooth? Green tooth? Bluetooth

1
5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Yes, the title is as gay as can be. It loves other titles of the same gender.

So, I finally gave in and bought myself a bluetooth headset. I bought the Motorola HS850 using my discount at Best Buy. I made this decision yesterday after spending over an hour straight on the phone with Maria. Besides the fact that I couldn’t get much done while holding a phone, I also have this obsessive concern of catching brain cancer from my damn cell. This headset solves both problems nicely. Brief review? Sound quality is pretty good and the design is very sleek looking. The ability to shut off the headset by closing the boom and then quickly re-enable it by opening the boom again is an excellent feature. The only downside is the loose fit it has on my ear. This has been a common complaint, so I half expected it.

Speaking of Maria, things seems to be picking up speed again and I’m, obviousy, happy about that. I’m not sure if it’s legit or just jealousy over things between me and Alyssa, but I have time to figure that out. I’m just going to enjoy it, for now.

Straying off topic a bit, I’ve been playing basketball a little more often again and I’m starting to slowly get out of this funk I’ve been in. My turn around jumper is better than it’s been in a long time and helps compensate for my apparent inability to hit any easy wide open shots. I just have to keep playing and I know I’ll get there. I’m confident my play can be better than it ever has been if I can just dedicate enough time to it.

Along with a basketball funk, I’ve been in a bad rut with my writing. I got a few songs out, but my rhyming flow is shot to hell. I had something tonight, but after 16 lines, I hit a wall. It’s a shame because the first 16 lines were pretty good, too. I just have to be patient, I guess. It’s been a lot harder to write since I’ve become so complacent. Feeling like shit has always been a good inspiration and there are times I wish something horrible would happen so that I could get a few pieces out, you know?

Anyone else excited about the warmer weather due to hit us all weekend long? Have any plans?

Scrapbook

0
5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Scrapbook (3/5/2006)

I flip through every page, remembering the pain
I can not escape and I know you feel the same
You single my mistakes, I say I chose my way
Pretending I’m okay, you’re hiding what you say

I’m so sorry, please don’t worry
You have two more chances to believe
And I’ll face this with complacence
It’s all, another chance to disbelieve

The roads you chose for me, that didn’t seem to fit
The way I held my screams until the day I quit
The discussions I don’t hear, embarassment or fear?
It’s been too many years and still we stand right here

I’m so sorry, please don’t worry
You have two more chances to believe
And I’ll face this with complacence
It’s all, another chance to disbelieve

Am I really so fucked up
That you would say these things?
Betrayed in your disgust
And the dreams to which you cling
I wish you’d all shut up
And let me find something
Like learning how to love
And all those deeper things

I’m so sorry, please don’t worry
You have two more chances to believe
And I’ll face this with complacence
It’s all, another chance to disbelieve

I’m so sorry, please don’t worry
I’ll find my way without your honesty

Notes: It’s an acoustic ballad. Nothing else to say.

Polish Guy at the DMV

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5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a drivers license and is told he needs to take an eye test. The examiner shows him a card with these letters on it:

C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z

“Can you read this?” the examiner asks.
“Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “I know the Bastard!”

Source: Neowin

Shoutbox posts put on moderation

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5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

I’ve put my shoutbox posts on moderation until I feel it’s okay to let people post without me having to approve each individual post. To whoever is spamming my shoutbox, thank you for visiting my site so often and spending so much time on it. I appreciate your interest in my thoughts. I’m also enjoying watching the hit counter go up and up. :)

At the Show

0
5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

At the Show (3/2/2006)

I’m sitting on my hands to try focus on my writing
But I can’t come to a stand, feeling hopeless but I’m rhyming
In the shadows where you find me with the volume ever growing
And the music in my ear to help express what I’ve been holding
Cause I’m tired of the scolding and of all my fucking hatred
I’m sick of losing words while you test my fucking patience
And this is how I take it, I just throw that volume skyward
Head banging it away til there’s nothing left on my nerve

So flail your fucking hands and elevate that body
Take it to the band and leave it disembodied
Come and join the fans and let it fucking go
Nobody stands a chance, now let it fucking blow!

So, go!
Dance!
Everybody scream!
And let them jump around and sweat in ecstacy
Jumping til it bleeds and everything’s exposed
That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show

That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show
That’s the way we jump at the fucking show

In the front we’re going deaf, but too busy going mental
The thrashing never stops even when we’re sentimental
Cause those people in the back would kill to fill our spaces
So we need to fucking jump and present our fucking cases
Cause everybody’s earned this, but we’re the one’s who need it
We’re tearing at the seems of the clothing of the cheated
When everything’s been seeded and the gun is cocked and loaded
Our feet up off the ground by the pressure we’ve been holding

So flail your fucking hands and elevate that body
Take it to the band and leave it disembodied
Come and join the fans and let it fucking go
Nobody stands a chance, now let it fucking blow!

So, go!
Dance!
Everybody scream!
And let them jump around and sweat in ecstacy
Jumping til it bleeds and everything’s exposed
That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show

That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show
That’s the way we jump at the fucking show

(slows down)
Let’s slow this down a minute and take it for a spin
Some people have their pills, this is my own medicine
Sweat pouring from my skin, heat spilling from my heartache
I’m busting with the pain til every fucking scar breaks
And if all this shit is our fate, I’ll go with double doseage
A note for every heart break, prescription for the motion
Cause everytime I’m jumping my entire world is perfect
So get off your fucking ass and learn to make this worth it!

So, go!
Dance!
Everybody scream!
And let them jump around and sweat in ecstacy
Jumping til it bleeds and everything’s exposed
That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking…

Go!
Dance!
Everybody scream!
And let them jump around and sweat in ecstacy
Jumping til it bleeds and everything’s exposed
That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show

That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show
That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show
That’s the way we jump when we’re at the fucking show
That’s the way we jump at the fucking show!

Notes: This is just a hard rocking, Limp Bizkit style song. I’ve been frustrated and tired of thinking and I just remembered how fun it can be at a rock show sometimes, so I wrote about it. This is one of those songs that I wish I could one day perform. It would make the crowd go nuts, I know.

New Shoutbox

0
5 years ago
by bangbang023 in

As you can tell, I’ve implemented a new shoutbox on the site. The old one had a security flaw which someone kept exploiting. Such is the price of having enemies, I guess. This was the 3rd shoutbox I attempted to set up and was the only one I could configure to my liking, so I stuck with it. The admin panel is actually accessed from my WordPress admin panel, so it’s very very convenient. I’ve also implemented a 30 second flood filter, so make sure you don’t post too quickly or you’ll lose the post.

To the person who chose to try to piss me off, try again. I’m actually happy this happened because this system is so much better than the old one. Thanks jerky.

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