Cluttered
Cluttered (2/11/2006)
Lately I find myself simply feeling so burned out
Unable to find the words to complete the next turn out
My mind is unsteady and I’m unable to focus
The thought of a rhyme starts to seem fucking hopeless
And I can’t control this, the feelings, I know this
I just want to write something, I don’t care if I blow this
Cause the more that I hold these thoughts deep down inside
The greater the chance that I’ll lose my own mind
No, I’m not doing fine, I just lack the description
To explain what I feel behind chaotic encryption
I can’t write in fiction, only true to my spirit
I speak just to heal, I don’t ask you to hear it
Sure, I’d like you to listen, but attention’s not needed
I just need to keep writing, take the pain and relieve it
But the calm gets defeated in the whirlwind of clutter
Then when I try to vent all I get is a stutter
A stumble, a stammer, and I lose all my patience
I throw the pen down and curse my frustration
The hurtful dictation that I can’t find the words for
This lost dissertation that leaves every nerve sore
I can’t take this hurt nor can I take this confusion
The chaos inside only lends me allusion
This fucking illusion that I know what I’m saying
When I really say nothing in what I’m conveying
Enough with the praying, I refuse to start crying
I’ll pick my ass up and refuse to stop trying
I’ll speak in cliches if it means that I’ll end this
And I’ll bleed it away to complete the next sentence
Cause I’m feeling defenseless without my words flowing
It all bottles up while my weakness is showing
The twitching is growing, I can’t seem to shake this
Please smash through my chest, take the grief and erase it
Notes: I haven’t been able to write, lately. My mind has been scattered as I try to deal with a million things at once. This simply describes the chaos.
Filed under: Poems