Porcelain
Porcelain (1/26/2006)
Now I’m stuck inside confusion with no hope for my delusion
I had let you in my life but now I see it’s been intrusion
Mentally polluted with these doubts of imperfection
I walked in your direction, an attempt to find correction
But now that my obsession has slowly gone to faded
I’m thinking fucking straight and I don’t know how to take it
Let’s stand and fucking face it, I’m not anything you’ve needed
I’m a punk inside a flow and I’m feeling fucking cheated
But I felt so near completed with your smile and your mindset
Even though it wasn’t much, not even in my life yet
I tried to give you my best, but now I sit in silence
And I don’t know what to say, can you see inside my eyes yet?
It’s been so hard to say this and still it’s not so easy
But I’m feeling fucking played, you can laugh and fucking tease me
Though it really doesn’t please me to have to say it like this
We simply just don’t talk enough to ever really right this
And I’ve tried my best to fight this and deal with my frustration
I’ve kept it under wraps, my anger held in reservation
Over bearing preservation for what never had existed
It kills me, either way, to see this all resisted
I think that I’ll just shut up now and try my best to sleep
Maybe in my dreams, I will find the words to speak
The simple words I need to leave the fire reignited
The something there between us that could dominate the silence
And, if somehow, I find it, I hope that it’s remembered
Then I’ll practice it and practice it until it comes together
I’ll repair what has been severed and try again, just harder
To make the fire spark and make things progress much farther
Or is the right word “further”? At this point, it doesn’t matter
I’m too god damn confused as I stare at what’s been shattered
Like a perfect porcelain platter that falls right off the edge
So perfect was the passion that is now so lost and dead
Notes: It’s a bit cheesy at times, but I think it covers some of the confusing mindsets I’ve been in. Anger, confusion, thoughtlessness and apathy followed by the emptiness of missing someone and wanting to figure out how to overcome the latest obstacle.
Filed under: Poems