Xpression.v2

Ignoring Expectations (1/5/2006)

It feels like I need a break, I’m locked away and I hide my phone
I settle down with the paper cause I don’t own a microphone
This is the life I own and the rhyming’s the light I’m shown
So I go with the flow and and write out what’s inside my soul
Cause I will not die and fold, I’ve got too much persistance
I just need some more time to own to make sure this is finished
And the skill’s not diminished, no, it’s really the opposite
I have so many thoughts that I get caught up and flop with it
But, while other’s are “dropping” shit, I’m pouring over these pages
Trying to find lines that meet all your expectations
There’s cliche’d temptations that I try to skip over
Though, sometimes the meaning suffers and grows a bit colder
But fuck being older. No, I need to be civil
It is okay to hurt kid. No, I’m best in the middle
It drives me insane, though, when I can’t make my mind up
Do I release all this sad shit or tear all the lines up?
So I lose it in silence and start rejecting my instincts
All because someone said shit that had made my whole head blink
In the slightest of flinches, I’ve lost my whole sense of direction
And I’m back at the start with just the taste of rejection

You see, I admit, that I’ve heard what people have whispered
Under the breath talk that can sometimes make Chris hurt
It looks like I’ve been served a small taste of reality
That some people won’t get all the things that come out of me
And while I won’t let them shout at me, I’ll tolerate all the laughing
Smiles that hide the fact they’re own spotlight is passing
While, every rhyme that I’m chancing, is one more step that I’ve taken
Every line you don’t like is like a lesson in patience
And the feeling’s contagious, it goes from my head to toes
I spin with the ink, then roll the dice, let it go
You can’t understand it? So? I can still get it, son
This rhyme, in itself, proves that I can still get it done

Notes: Lately, I’ve had a lot of self doubt regarding my ability to write and if, maybe, I had lost the touch I used to have. This poem is me having a discussion with my own personal negative voices.

Filed under: Poems